Avi was alone. He was sitting, hunched over on his bed, studying the jagged scars and bruises running down his forearm. He stared, not really looking, but just thinking. Do it. Do it. Do it. Avi resisted. Do it. Do it. Stop. Do it. No. DO IT. 

Avi rose. He stood, swaying, his mind a tumbling spiral of thoughts. Then, as if seized by sudden purpose, he reached to the top of his bookshelf and lifted a book up, grabbing the blade hiding underneath and retreating to the bed. He ripped a piece of paper out of his notebook that was sitting on the bed, grabbing a pen and scribbling down near unintelligible words. Once the page was almost full, he shakily set the paper down on his pillow and walked out of the room.

He turned into the bathroom after quickly making sure no one was in the house and closed the door. And then... and then... 

He hesitated. Sweat was trickling down his back, and he was turning paler by the minute. I can do this, I can do this, and then it will be over.  

"Two swipes," He said out loud, as if it would initiate action. "Just two, that’s all." That’s all. And yet he still stood there, now turned to see his reflection in the mirror. Breathe. Just wait a bit longer.

As if an actual voice had spoken, he shook his head, still just staring at his reflection. I hate you, you know that? What a waste of space. Why can't you just die? Why can't you just die???? 

Avi choked. He turned away from his disgusting reflection, cheeks wet with tears. The last time. This is your last time. He sank to the floor, sobs wracking his body. I can't do this, I can't do it, I can't, why am I such a COWARD-

He stopped. The room was silent. With one last broken inhale, he stood and walked over to the bathtub. Turned the water on. It's warm, it's quiet, it's quiet, it's quiet, It's too quiet. He reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone and headphones. Soft music, He reminded himself. His heart was still racing, but it seemed to stop when he saw how many messages he had.

Sorry I couldn’t make it to the meet up, found something better to do. Other than hang out with faeries. ;P

See you tomorrow after school, faggot. 

Saw you hanging out with Juliet earlier. Changed your mind?

Juliet, Juliet. They loved each other like siblings and fought like lovers, and so a relationship which was once a dream soon became a nightmare.

I'm sorry if I upset you earlier. I didn’t mean that word in an offensive way, it's just you queers always get so emotional sometimes and it's kind of hard to deal with it. I love you, but you can't just use your fake mental disorder to get attention.

And it went on. Avi scrolled, his insides numb, down and down and down and...

Just one text. He just needed one possible text. One text could make or break this decision.

And there it was.

Avian, your father and I need to talk about something with you when we get home. Your father is very upset, and so am I.

You must know that we love you, but we cannot accept homosexuality in this house. You may be too young to get a job, but you can either live with some of your other drag buddies or begin conversion therapy tomorrow morning.

You could, as well, just change your sinful lifestyle and purify yourself before we get home. 

Lots of love.

Lots of love. They hate you. Of love? Is this love? Useless. Is rejecting and ridiculing your child love? You don’t deserve anything but. Or is accepting and consoling them no matter what love? You do not deserve this. Avi was no longer sure. He couldn’t tell apart the bruises he got from his schoolmates from the ones his parents gave him. JUST END IT. If they loved him so much, why was he standing there with no other urge but to die?

Deep breaths. He turned his music on. Lock the door. He locked the door. Now, the tub. The tub was full, and he stepped in. Useless. He could just... Do it. Show them you aren't a coward. See, you can't do it. Kill yourself and the world will still go around. Maybe it's better, if you're purifying the world from such a sick human being. Breathe, breathe, breathe... And release. Scarlet agony spotted the clear water.

Lots of love.