The pain is the worst part, starting in my ankles, burning in my calves, setting fire to my lungs as I run. As I run from my past, as I run from my fears, as I run from what keeps me up at night. Struggling for breath I sprint, feeling as though at any moment I’ll collapse. The simple thought of my brother with him, pushes me to keep going. Salty tears overflow my eyes from the wind of the night. With my vision impaired I trip, and fall to the ground with a thump, and as pain surges through my head, my sight darkens, the sound of car doors slamming being the last thing I hear.

~one month earlier~
It was just another Monday in a small town near Chicago. I was driving from school and once I got home I would shower and get myself ready to deal with my brother’s foster parents. My parents died in a fire when I was 8 leaving my newborn brother’s life in my hands. My little brother and I were separated through the foster care system and I visit him every day I can. As I pull into the driveway, I notice that my foster parents are home. The door opens as I walk up the steps and Jill, my foster mom waves at me with a smile. I smile back and go inside, upstairs and head to the bathroom. Once I showered I changed into some jeans, and grey tank-top and my army green jacket.  I dried my long blonde hair and tied it up into a messy bun. Then I slide on my beaten-up converse, grab my keys, and head to Dunkin Donuts. With a coffee in one hand and a bag of donuts in the other, I head up the steps to my brother’s hell of a home. I knock on the door and wait, no answer. I ring the doorbell and jump as a dog starts barking out of nowhere almost making me spill my coffee. Soon I hear footsteps and the stereotypical bad foster dad comes to the door. My sight is filled with a beer belly in a wife beater and a beer in one hand.

“Who are you?” asked Randy as always.

“I am Danny’s sister here to visit him.” I replied as always.

And as always he would let me inside but not before raping me with his eyes. His wife was bruised and had long sleeves and pants on to cover her entire body. She had a frail look and even her hair was thinning.

“He’s in his room honey.” she told me quietly as if afraid her husband would get angry if she spoke out of turn.
“Okay thanks Jill.” I told her while handing her a donut discreetly. The poor woman was barely allowed to eat. I knocked on Danny’s door before I entered signaling that it was only me. He was on his bed and very silent.
“Hey buddy, how are you holding up?”

“Okay I guess.”
“That’s good, how is school?”
He immediately jumped up on the subject of school, “Great! Today my teacher let us talk after she was done teaching and I had so much fun!” School was his escape from reality, his escape from the beatings and his escape from home. When he’s at school his smile seems a little fuller, his dirty blonde hair a little lighter, his whole take on life a little more positive. Because when he’s at school, he’s not in constant fear and pain. I check him for bruises careful not to hurt him and find a burn mark on his arm in a small circle. “That disgusting man!” I say filling with fury, but that anger turns to sadness because I know there is almost nothing I can do about it. I pulled him close to me as a tear fell onto my cheek.

He squeezed me tight and tried to comfort me “It’s okay, I can take it Han, really, it doesn’t hurt that bad.” His sweet voice made the dam overflow and my tears spilled. “I shouldn’t be the one crying.” I think to myself.
“I’m going to get you out of here buddy, soon.” The last words i got in before Randy came in pulling me away from Danny and out of the house.

“Time to go sweetheart.” he whispered in my ear with his beer breath. I jerked away from him and recomposed myself. I hoped Randy wouldn’t hit Danny tonight. I got in my car and looked at the time. 5:00 Randy let me stay for an hour. Not as much time as I had hoped but enough. I turned on the car and headed home.

~Two weeks later~

The bell rang signaling that the last class was over. I picked up my bag and headed towards the door but my Mr. Hastings called me. “Hanna before you go I need to speak to you.”
“Oh um okay Mr. Hastings.”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah I'm okay.” I answered unsure of what this was about.
“Are you getting enough sleep?” he probed.
“What is this about?” I asked trying to get to the point.
“It’s about your grades Hanna, they are dropping significantly. You are a bright girl but I feel as though you aren’t focused. You look tired and worn out in class. You barely volunteer anymore, the point is you seem distracted and its affecting your grades Hanna.”
I opened my mouth in shock and quickly closed it. My grades are dropping?
“I don’t know Mr. Hastings this past month has passed by foggy, I have been trying to fight for custody of my brother now that I’m 18 and it’s tiring me emotionally and physically. I know I’ve lost focus but i didn’t realize it was that bad.”
“I didn’t know that you had a brother.”

“Yeah he’s ten and we were separated through the system when my parents died.” As I said this my mind floated to that night. There was a power outage and my dad had found candles for light. We went to bed that night and made sure we blew out all the candles. The last thing a remember is waking up in a pool of sweat and a bright orange glow everywhere. The fireman had told me that everything was going to be okay and when I got outside I saw my baby brother being held by a stranger. It was all so confusing. I never saw my parents again and was placed in the foster care system, I guess we forgot a candle.

Mr. Hastings voice snapped me back to reality.
“Well in that case, I’m sure we can do something about this.”
“I need this Mr. Hastings, I need this A, without that how will the state let me get custody of my brother? They need to know that I’ll be able to provide for him meaning having an education.”

“I’ll see if I can give you an extra credit assignment but Hanna, this is a one-time thing.”
I nodded and thanked him as I left to go home. On the way home I passed a car crash, “That looks bad.” I thought to myself.  “Wait that car looks familiar…”, “Th-That’s Mom’s car.”

“My foster mom, Carrie, was such a sweet woman. I’m standing here, in a black dress over the grave of the only woman that could ever fill the shoes of my real mother. She meant a lot to me and I’m not sure I’ll be okay without her.” I finished my speech with tears filling my eyes. I looked at all the people that had shown up and thought these are all the people that Carrie affected. After thanking everyone I gave my dad a hug and walked with him to my car. The ride home was silent and just looking at Jim I could feel the grief radiating off of him. He had tired bloodshot eyes. Everything seemed to be tearing at the seams. At this point it seemed I would never get custody of my brother, my grades were dropping, my foster mother just passed, my foster dad is almost paralyzed with grief. What I wanted most was my brother. I dropped my dad home and fixed him with some food and a few of his favorite movies, told him I would be back soon and that I loved him. Speeding is a bad thing, but I had gone over the limit while on the way to my brother. I needed to see him, to see his face and to know that he was alive. I needed to know that something in my life was stable.

When I arrived I heard yelling and stopped for a second but when the sound of a bottle breaking and a scream reached me, I ran inside. Randy was holding a broken beer bottle in one hand and in the other my little brother’s neck. He wasn’t aware of my presence but his wife was. Jill was crying and pleading him to stop. She looked at me for a split-second and then looked to the glass vase on the counter next to me, then back to Randy. He was too drunk to notice this and so I grabbed the vase and smashed it on his head. He threw my brother down and looked at me with rage in his eyes. He took a step toward me and Jill reached for the phone to call 911.  I screamed for help but all I could make out was “HEL-,” before a noise cut through the air and a tingling sensation on my face quickly turned to a burning one. He slapped me and he had raised his hand to do it again. During all this I hadn’t noticed my brother. He had reached the drawer and pulled out a knife. Without doubt in his actions before Randy got the chance to slap me again he stabbed Randy in the back. Jill never got ahold of the police. I grabbed my brother and got him into my car. After a couple minutes of silence, we started talking.

“I’m heading to the hospital. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I guess, I mean my neck hurts a lot, but I’ll be okay.”
“Okay.”
When we got to the hospital I had him checked out and got some medicine for my face as well. They were going to keep him overnight so I went back home to check on my dad, grab a few things and come back to spend the night with Danny. I told Jim that I was visiting Danny and left. On the way to the hospital, I called Jill. She said that she had got ahold of the police and Randy was okay. She told the police the truth. So I dropped him off after his checkup and made sure that Randy wasn’t going to be there for a few days. Jill said that she would help me gain custody of Danny and that she was going to divorce Randy.

I went to sleep that night with the help of Nyquil. The next day Jill called.
“He’s back.” she whispered terrified. “and angry too.”
“What?” I half shouted in shock.
“He left the hospital and is in the house. I locked me and Danny in my room but he’s trying to break down the door.”

“I’ll be there soon.” I said while starting my car.

When I got there Jill was knocked out, the bedroom door was demolished and there was no sign of Randy or Danny. I heard a car engine start and ran after the car. Randy was driving and Danny was in the back seat. I chased him until he turned around and started chasing me I ran. I ran for what seemed like miles. My head hurt and the pain was the worst part, starting in my ankles, burning in my calves, setting fire to my lungs as I run. As I ran from my past, as I ran from my fears, as I ran from what keeps me up at night. Struggling for breath I sprint, feeling as though at any moment I’ll collapse. The simple thought of my brother with him, pushes me to keep going. Salty tears overflow my eyes from the wind of the night. With my vision impaired I trip, and fall to the ground with a thump, and as pain surges through my head, my sight darkens, the sound of car doors slamming being the last thing a hear.

I wake up in a car tied up with tape over my mouth and Danny next to me. Randy wasn’t in the car but the doors were locked and the keys were nowhere to be seen. I push the tape off of my mouth with my hands and tongue. Danny did the same.

“Where are we?” I asked trembling.
“I don't know. He left us here a while ago and I don't think he’s coming back.”
“That’s crazy.”
“It’s been like two days Hanna.”

I immediately looked around for my phone. It was in my back pocket. I untied my hands with my teeth and did the same for Danny. I called 911 and they located us.

Randy was never found. After everything after all the pain and grief and suffering it was finally over. Jim, my foster dad, ended up with custody of my brother. Randy was gone from our lives. I was accepted to college, and it seemed as though our pain was over.