One day my Nana and I were going through some of her old boxes she had in the basement when I came acrossed a small teal jewelry box. There was gold around the edges and cute flowers decorating the top and sides.
“Nana, what is this?” I asked as I held it up. Nana’s face lit up like a christmas tree when she seen it.
“Where did you find that? Oh my goodness I can’t believe it.” She walked to me, pulled up a chair and opened the box, colorful stamps filled the inside to the brim.
“It was in that box,” I pointed to the now empty box to my left, “What is it?”
“Sydney, I can’t thank you enough for finding this, the stamps are from Germany,” Nana wiped a stray tear away.
“Okay, so what was in Germany?” I was sort of confused.
“It's not a what, it's a who,” Nana whispered as she thumbed through the old stamps, now I had to know.
“Okay, who was in Germany then?” I was starting to become impatient, I wanted to know.
“Sydney, this is a long and eye opening story, are you sure you want to hear it?” Nana actually looked worried.
“Yes, now let's get on with it Nana.” I sat cross legged on the floor and looked up at her.
“It started when I went to Frankfurt, Germany when I was in high school. I arrived during August, right before school started. I was given the chance to study abroad, so I did. I moved in with a middle class family that thankfully knew English.” She took a breathe, “One day I was at the market with them and I accidentally ran into the most handsome boy. He was tall, with bright blonde hair, and deep blue eyes, and a smile that melted my heart.” Nana wore a genuine smile while she relived her glory days, “ I learned his name was Aldo and he was also my age going to the same school as me. We instantly clicked.” Nane took a deep breathe in.
“So, a boy is in Germany?” I asked quickly.
“Sydney, what have I told you about interrupting me?” Nana scolded me. “Anyways, it was not just a guy. Aldo was my first love. When we met, I swear I felt a spark. We decided to sneak out later that night and meet. So we met a block from my host family's house. Aldo and I just walked around all night and got to know each other. We talked of our futures and our dreams in life. My first conversation with Aldo will forever be engraved in my mind. I knew from that night I was in love.” Nana wiped away another tear. I felt guilty for making her relive this memory because I have a feeling it didn't end bad.
“My host family knew Aldo's and once they found out about us sneaking out to be together, they became upset. I was not supposed to be in a relationship while I was abroad, it was against the rules, so they forbid me to see him and kept a close eye on me. But Aldo and I still found a way to see each other. One specific night, Aldo threw a rock on my window in the middle of the night. I was so excited to see him I remember jumping out of my window, thankfully it was the main floor, and running into his arms. That night was different. He directed us to a park where he had a picnic and candles burning. It was the most romantic night of my life.” Nana was starting to shake and so I put my hand over hers for support.
“Nana, we can stop if you would like.” I didn't want her to go through this pain, it hurt me seeing the sadness in her eyes.
“No, I have never told this story, it's time for it to be heard. I don't have a lot of time left and this is important.” Hearing that, tears started to swell in my eyes, I don't want to think about losing my nana, she's my best friend.
“After that night with Aldo, I heard from all my friends that he was shipped off to a boot camp to become a soldier. I could hardly think straight, I was so upset, I knew from the bottom of my stomach I would never see or talk to him again. The following week, I barely talked to anyone. Aldo was my everything, even for the short time we knew each other. I couldn't talk to anyone because I wasn't supposed to have gotten attached to someone so quickly in Germany. Everyone would disapprove.” Nana tightened her hold on my hand, seeking for the support to continue. My heart was breaking watching the pain she was going through.
“Two weeks after Aldo was shipped away, I realized I had missed a period. I was freaking out. My host family would disown me, my own parents would disown me, and I would have no one. That night, after everyone went to bed, I went to a drug store and bought two different pregnancy tests. After waiting for 5 minutes, I looked at the test and seen the two pink lines, I lost it. I cried and cried all night.” By now, Nana had tears running down her cheeks, looking off to the distance, but she continued the story.
“I thought about aborting the baby so many times but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I went to a clinic in town and talked to a doctor about my options. I couldn't keep the baby, I just couldn't. So, I decided to give her up. The doctor was going to help me find a family while I found a way to hide my soon to be baby bump. For the next two weeks, I went to school in baggy clothes, went to the doctor's office everyday, and constantly looked for a family that wanted a baby. Finally after searching, I found a young couple that couldn't have kids. I met with them and hit it off. I explained my problem and they offered me a room in their house and an education. It was an offer I couldn't decline. Now my only problem was how to leave my host family but not let news get back to my real parents. My parents and I made a decision before I left the US to only talk once a week for a limited time so I would not get homesick. I cannot remember what plan I came up with to save my life, but it worked. I left my host family and moved to the couple's home.” Nana had calmed down but was still not looking at me, like she was ashamed.
“Nana, do you want to stop? We can continue another day.” I didn't want to push her to her limits, especially at such a fragile state.
“No, Sydney, I have to do this. I have held it in too long. I just hope you won't look at me differently after you learn the entire story.” Nana didn't let me reply and just continued the story.
“ I luckily was able to continue my education at a private school and 8 months later, I had a daughter. A beautiful little girl.” Nana started to fully cry and shake. I stood up and hugged her, she hugged me back in a tight embrace. For a few moments we just hugged as she cried.
“Sydney, you need to understand, I did not want to give her up. It destroyed me to let her go. The couple did let me name her though.” She smiled for the first time in a while.
“What did you name her?”
“Sydney Lee” I gasped.
“That's my name!” I smiled, so that's why I was named Sydney.
“Yes, I influenced your mom to name you after her.  After I had Sydney, it was time for me to come back to the US though and it was the hardest thing for me to do. I did not want to leave my daughter but I knew she was in good hands. Once back home, I fell into a deep depression. My parents constantly asked why and if anything happened and all I could say was that I missed all my friends in Germany. Lying to them like that was not easy. I was walking through life like a zombie until about a month after I was home I received a letter from the couple. Inside was pictures of little Sydney and they told me how she was and updated me about her growth as a child. However, I knew I couldn't keep the letters because someone was bound to find them so I kept the stamp. We wrote back and forth for years and I kept every stamp, which is what is in the box. Then when Sydney was old enough to understand, she started writing me letters. And after that, Sydney and I wrote to each other about anything. I kept every single stamp but had to burn the letters. By now, I had met your grandfather and was pregnant with your Uncle Aldo. I told Sydney everything about how she conceived to leaving her. She reminded me in every letter that she didn't hate me and didn't want me to regret giving her up. Sydney would send pictures of her and her family to me sometimes so I could see her. Her parents had taught her English and German so she could come to the US one day.”
“Nana, did you ever meet her?” I had tears in my eyes just listening to the story. I couldn't imagine what it would have been like giving up a child at my age. It was crazy.
“Yes my dear, once. It was after I just had your mother. We met up at a coffee shop, she was able to meet your mom and your uncle, her siblings. Your uncle was about 3 years old, so it would have been close to 40 years ago.”
“What was she like? How long did she stay? What did she look like?” I couldn’t stop asking questions.
“Sydney, slow down. She was beautiful, she had light blonde hair, shining blue eyes, and was as tall as your Uncle Aldo. Sydney and I only met at the coffee shop once, then she left back to the Germany, her home. I couldn't have asked her a better daughter, I just wished we could have visited longer. After the visit, we talked for a few years, but then all the sudden, her letters stopped. I was heartbroken to say the least but maybe she was tired of writing every week. I guess we will never know.” My nana shrugged her shoulders, eyes still wet with tears, and went upstairs, box in tow. I followed her, wanting to ask more questions, but given the way she shrugged off the conversation, she was done and I shouldn’t push her.
The two of us ate lunch without talking, each consumed in our thoughts. I could not believe all the pain she went through and yet she still managed to overcome it all and create a new family, raising them to the best of her abilities.
After lunch, my mom called me and asked me to come home soon. I didn’t want to but I knew she needed help with my baby brother, the reason I came to Nana’s in the first place. I was having a hard time adjusting to another life in our lonesome house of two. My father left my mother right after she discovered the unexpected pregnancy and never came back.
“Nana, I’m gonna take off. Are you okay?” I was concerned about her.
“I’m fine, go help your mother. I expect you to be over tomorrow same time? We need to get through all these boxes so you don’t have to when I’m gone.” She laughed but I frowned.
“Nana, don’t talk like that. You have time left. Plus, this is more fun that sitting at home doing nothing. Also, thank you for today and for sharing that with me.” I hugged her tight, not wanting to let go.
“No, thank you Sydney, it was time someone knew and I’d rather have my favorite granddaughter than a stranger.”
“I’m your only granddaughter Nana,” I laughed as I walked out to my car. The ride home was silent. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nana and Aldo and Sydney. I wanted to find Sydney. I wanted to know why she stopped sending letters. I wanted my Nana to have her happy ending, not one full of sorrow and despair of never talking to her first child again.

The next morning, as I was about to leave my house, my mom stopped me.
“Sydney, you won’t be going over to Nana’s today.” She had tears streaming her face.
“Why? What happened? Is Nana okay?” I automatically had tears swelled up in my eyes.
“Sweetie, listen, last night the hospital called, Nana suffered from a heart attack. She was able to call 911 but when they got there,” my mom got choked up, “she was not breathing and did not have a heart beat. They tried to revive her but she was already long gone,” I broke down crying, not being able to take it in, Nana was gone?
“No! She can’t be! Nana was fine yesterday. Mom please tell me you’re lying.” My mom pulled me into a tight hug and we slumped to the floor together. This wasn’t real. Nana was fine. We had the best possible day. For the rest of the day, I just cried and cried some more. I couldn’t wrap my mind around my best friend being gone. This had to be a dream.
At the funeral the following week, reality finally hit me, Nana was truly gone.