Walking around in a fatal state of depression as lingering voices echo in his head and regrets travel on a steel track in one direction that never runs out of fuel, plummeting deep into his soul hazardously striking his heart with every beat. He whistles a happy tune from his mother's dream, a tune that reminisces on the once upon a time that made them fall asleep at night. A beautiful dream that only called from a steady innocent breath and a few adjustments in a new bed. A dream that sparked hope, love, fear, anger and depression. Intergraded depression of past lovers and unforgivable decisions. This man stands alone. Seeking glances of his shadow for comfort and reassurance that he isn't alone in the world. That he hasn't done wrong, and that he is just a man.

'Night after night, he sits on his bed - thinking - wondering what if. Asking the most famous question, 'what am I going to wear tomorrow?' As time goes on, he realizes that it isn't worth it. Nothing really matters anymore. 'Fuck it', he says to himself. Only - it isn't over. The world hasn't ended'yet, he still has his options. He realizes that there's still one more thing to do. Death isn't the answer; it's the question. 'What if I die tomorrow, will anybody even care? Will anyone even know? Let alone, know who I am?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




He sits still for a moment, and then falls back onto his pillow. Closing his eyes, the room gets dark - darker - pitch black. Then, it clears up into a nice crimson. He feels a warm glow on his face then opens his eyes face to face with a bright light shining on his face. 'Get out of her car and stand on your two feet'. He opens his eyes with a squint and covers them as he responds to the request of the strange light. 'Hurry up,' demands the voice. He reluctantly but frantically unbuckles his seatbelt and stumbles out of the car. Falling flat on his face, he feels himself being picked up and leant against the car. 'She's still breathing' Calls a voice from behind him. He opens his eyes slowly and finds himself sitting on the ground. He looks up to find that the light had disappeared. 'Wha'where' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' Preface: earlier that month 'Where did you go? I was so worried about you' Said Trina as she shook him with a worried look in her eyes. 'What got into you'? He looks at the floor and speaks. 'I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind. I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time. I watched the world from the dark side of the moon. And I know there's noting I can do' She's gone. Gone'she's not common' back. Nobody tells me anything anymore'. She slowly takes a step back as he walks into the house. The worried look in her eyes quickly turns to fear. 'Why did I have to find out the day before her funeral that she was dead?' Trina walks backwards into the middle of the room as Spyder slowly approaches her. Trina stumbles over the footstool behind her as Spyder slowly walks towards her. She stumbles back and falls into the chair. She looks up at him with horror in her eyes.
The shadow of his hood, which freaked her out even more, shades his eyes, along with his ominous silhouette. 'Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep it from me for so long? I-' he moves closer to her. 'I went two years'two dam years not knowing where my girlfriend was. Two dam years!' His eyes start to water. ' But-' 'shut tha hell up. When did you plan on tellin' me? How did you think I was going to take it? Huh?' He lowers his voice. 'Did you think that after the first, maybe the second year that I would feel the same way that I would if I knew the day after? Huh?' he reaches behind him under his shirt and pulls out a semi-automatic pistol and places it on the table next to her. She screams and tries to climb over the chair. 'SHUT UP girl, I am not going to shoot'. She clumsily climes over the chair, slips and hit's the floor with a thud. She quickly gets on her feet and runs into the bathroom with tears in her eyes.
He yells out to her while slowly walking over to the bathroom door. 'She's dead Trina'. He rests his arm on the wall and his head in the crevice of his elbow. 'She's mothertruckin' dead. You hear me. DEAD!!' Trina sits in the bathroom in the fetal position covering her ears crying. 'What are you doin' in there? Get yo' ass out of the bathroom'. He bangs on the door and the hinges loosen. 'Crap'' he slams his head against the door and starts crying. 'Why? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you have to keep it a secret? You Bitch'. He slowly slides to the floor with his back against the wall. 'Why?' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' Written by: Rashawn W. McFarlane ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' Chapter 1 ' He covers his face with his hands and sits there. He then bangs his head back against the door and it falls over with a loud thud. Trina jumps at the sound and looks up to see him on the floor. 'It wasn't planned to be like this'I-' he cuts her off. 'She's dead Trina. This is a life were talkin' about. Not a missing puppy or a flat tire. It's a dam life'. He slumps his head as his hands hang dangling on his knees. 'But she's not'' she says softly. He looks up. 'She's not dead. She said that you wouldn't try and do anything if you knew or figured that she was dead and that she didn't want you getting into any more trouble. That's why I didn't tell you'. He closes his eyes and stands up. He slowly walks away and speaks low. 'So you feel that you was doin' something helpful, being a dam good person by granting her wish and keeping it a secret from me for so long. Well' guess what'you didn't fulfill her wish. You left me with grief and pain. How am I supposed to forgive you? You want to know something funny?' he speaks regular and looks at her as he picks up his gun and puts it back under his shirt.
'Hold up, then where is she?' Trina takes time to think. She wipes her eyes then responds quickly, 'I don't know'. 'Well, when you find out, I will advise that you tell me. Right now, I have something to do'. 'You mean this whole time she wasn't dead?' He turns around and walks out the door. He pulls the door up behind him and walks towards his car. Trina walks over to the window and pulls the Curtin back as he pulls off. She follows him with her eyes until he disappears around the corner. She turns around and starts crying as she slowly walks towards the couch. She drops down in the chair as she wipes her eyes. She looks over at the bookshelf and notices a book on its spine. Walking towards it, she picks it up and opens it. As she turns the pages, a picture falls out with Spyder and Carlene. Trina closes the book and reads the title; Stephen King's IT.
She has a flash back of when Carlene was in the living room with her. '