INTRO
I stood at the boundary line between safety and perpetual danger, peering to the depths of the reservoir below. One foot in front of the other I became strikingly close to diving into the insanity that will lead to my certain and inevitable death. I stand in the wind, stationary- like a statue going nowhere. Deep breath, Tilian. This is what you want- this is what needs to happen. It’s now or never. I pull myself from the safety of 5 inches from the end, and maneuver my toes so they see over the edge to the water in which they are soon to delve. The taste of ceasing pain is irresistible- quenching my thirst for peace. I close my eyes as I feel a rain drop shatter like glass on my flushed face. It’s time. Just then, as I am about to plunge and give myself to the waves below, piercing through the thunder I hear a voice cry out. “Tilian!” I couldn’t for the life of me tell who it was, the thunder muffled any source of identity. I tried to turn to face the voice, but I couldn’t find the strength to move. Suddenly, I feel the brush of skin against mine- arms gripping my chest and pulling me away from the freedom, back into captivity. Tears mixed with the rain as I collapsed on the ground still unaware of who my “savior” may be. My vision was too blurred to make out a face until he wiped the rain and tears away using his black- now make up coated- jacket. Damon Westenfield. His blue eyes were unmistakable. Why on gods earth would Damon be here? Why would he save me? Why didn’t he just let me die?!
Damon took me to his truck, placing me in the back seat and wrapped me in a blanket. I could only imagine how pathetic I looked- on the edge of death, eyeliner strung down my cheeks, hair tangled and drenched, yet for some reason he didn’t mention any of it. He didn’t speak for a long while which was okay with me because I didn’t want to talk. Minutes passed and all he could do was stare at me as if trying to read me, and finally he spoke. “Why, Tilian?” his voice sounded so lugubrious that it was almost heart breaking. “why?” he said again, this time raising his voice. I know he wants an answer but I don’t wish to say anything. “Tilian…what if I hadn’t got her in time? Where would you be right now?” and finally I found some nerve.
  “Easy. Id belong to them.” You could see confusion painting itself on his face.
“Belong to who?”
“The waves.” My voice was stale. All I can feel is this numbing pain, like when you’re a kid and you skin your knee but eventually the pain is so heightened that all you feel is this tingling that turns to nothing at all. That was when I could tell his words were going to fall short, all he did in that moment was scoot closer and wrap his arms around my shivering torso. He’s warm- and for the first time in a long time I feel safe. Maybe this is all stupid, I mean a boy can’t really change everything. Can he?
“Tilian,” he said “what is this? You need to answer me on this one.” He lifted up my exposed arm. There was no squirming my way around what he was seeing. Gash after gash vertically on my wrist. I began to sob into his chest as he held me close. “Why did you do this? You’re so beautiful. Why would you do this to yourself? Tilian? Why?” I lifted my head to see a tear running down the length of his tan chizled jaw.
“Damon, you don’t understand. I felt like it was the best way to go but it didn’t work. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to breathe like this. Do you know how it feel to have the weight of life sitting on your chest every single day? To feel like the walls of your home are closing in on you, ready to suffocate you? Do you know how it feels to be alive but feel like you’re not even actually there? No, you don’t. Why on the earth did you save me? I just want to die!” Once again my face fell heavy onto his body, crying enough to fill that lake over twice.
“It’s okay now. I got you. We’re gonna get you some help, okay?”
“Help? I don’t need help? I’m not crazy. Please don’t send me somewhere. I can’t- I won’t be called psychotic. I’m okay. Really. I’ll stop crying- whatever.”
“Tilian, you slashed your wrists open and when that didn’t work tried to jump off a cliff. You’re not anywhere near the realm of okay. You need help. I’m so worried about you.” So he climbed to the front seat, looking like he just saw something horrific, and he drove. My eyes began feeling heavy and eventually my reality was swallowed my unconsciousness. “Hey, hey Tilian. Wake up please.” I flickered my eyelids open.
“Where am I?” I sat up and saw a sign glowing in the distance. Hannover Midwest Psychiatric. “Damon, no. Please don’t make me go in there. PLEASE.” His gentle eyes looked so lost when he looked at me. I gazed down at my wrist, blood dried onto my skin and I knew he was right. “Okay, I’ll go in.” Without a word he grasped my hand and walked me directly to a desk.
  “Hi, I’m here to check in a new patient- her name is Tilian Mikalsen.”