I’ve decided to go to a boarding school in Florida. I have always felt like I do not fit in everywhere I go. I do not really have that many friends at school nor, did I ever made an effort to make any. This is why I’ve decided to go to a boarding school in Florida. I have always disliked my family, they always assumed I lived a secret life where I had a lot of friends.  The friends I did have were more of acquaintances than anything else. Friday was my going away party where my parents bought a lot of food and drinks expected that all my “friends” would show up but, like always they were disappointed in their lonely son.  Today is when my parents are driving to Florida to drop me off to my new school and help me set up in my dorm. I’m a little nervous about being on my own but then again being away from your parents when you’re 16 is amazing. I am going to miss my parents but, it’s not like I’m leaving an amazing life in North Carolina. I was never invited to parties, I wasn’t in any sports and I’ve never performed in a school play. Transferring to Admiral Farragut Academy may be the most exciting thing that has happened to me in a while. This is going to be a fresh new start for me but, I don’t want to become popular or anything. Entering my dorm I realized the place is not as big as I thought it would be. My room is a small white room with bunk beds on one side, the desk leaned up against the back wall and the rest of the room is empty. It makes me nervous thinking that I am going to spend the entire year living with some random dude I’ve never met in my life. My mind wonders on the thought of who this guy could be, he could be a very quiet smart guy or he could be a huge jerk. I try not to let this affect my last day with my parents but, I’ve always hated not knowing the answer to something.I tell my parents to leave me to pack on my own things so my mom doesn’t get even more sad and it will also help me to not cry when they leave.

“ Michael, I am going to call you every Sunday to check up on you and if you need anything from me or your father don’t hesitate to call us” said his mom

“Don’t worry I’ll have everything under control. I was always in my room not matter what so I think you’ll barely notice that I’m gone” joked Michael

My new roommate's name is Steven, he is a lot shorter than me but, he’s pretty strong for his size. When he arrived he asked me if I would help him bring the couch and tv in the dorm, I am a very weak person so I would normally say no to him but, I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression of me. Looking at Steven I could tell that he didn’t have that much money so, I assumed he was here because of scholarships. Besides the fact that he looked scary, Michael seemed to be a pretty cool guy. Me and him were both juniors but, he had been here since freshman year. At the end of unpacking my things and decorating my room I was really tired and wanted to go to bed but, Michael had a better idea on how to spend my first day here.

“ I know this girl, named Brooke, and she is going to be the best person you’ve ever met. She’s really funny, nice but, I’m warning you that she can be the most complicated girl you’ve ever met.

Steven and I walked to the girls dorm where Brooke lived later that afternoon. As soon as I saw Brooke, I realized she was the most beautiful girl I’ve laid my eyes on. Everything about Brooke was amazing, she had red hair, bright green eyes, her body shape fit her height and she even had perfectly straight white teeth. I was speechless when I saw her and my heart was beating faster than it has ever beaten.

“ This here is Michael and he is a new kid this year” explained Steven to Brooke

“ Geez Steven, you should have said the new kid was cute because I would have actually cleaned up a little” giggled Brooke

“ You look gorgeous right now if that makes you feel better” I flirted back

“ Thanks Michael, but I have a boyfriend” said Brooke

How much of an idiot could I have been?  What made me think it was okay to flirt back earlier? What if she tells her boyfriend? These were the questions going through my head that night in bed. I was very well aware that Brooke had a boyfriend ,but I wanted her to myself. Tomorrow is my first real day of school and I hope I have classes with Brooke. I don’t know how I’m going to do it but, I am going to date Brooke no matter what.
Today is March 4 and prom is a little bit more than a month away. Six months have passed and I am still “friends” with Brooke, and each day it get harder and harder to tell her how I really feel. Brooke’s boyfriend Jeffrey, lives in Tennessee so he decided he isn’t going to spend his money on a plane ticket just for one night. I was there was he called Brooke telling her that he would show up and she was pretty sad about it, unlike me. When I heard the news I thought it was fate that her boyfriend wasn’t going so I decided I would stop being a baby and ask her to prom. I planned to do it on Saturday after I would take her to “hang out” with me at Mcdonalds. I had to do something small because, I did not want her to suspect a thing. After Mcdonald’s , I took Brooke to the park where I had a table that had a teddy bear, flowers and I played her favorite song from the 80’s which was “ Every Step you Take” by The Police. While the song played in the background, I gave her a little speech I made the night before.

“ Dear Brooke, since the first day I saw you, I realized you were the most beautiful girl I set my eyes on. Everything about you is amazing even your laugh that you consider ugly. I see how Jeffrey treats you and that’s not how a girl as perfect as you should be treated.  I promise that if you let me take you to prom, I will make sure you have the best night ever and a night you never forget. So, is it a yes or a no?” I asked, trying to hide how nervous I was.

“ Yes, I’ll go with you but you have to keep that promise” Answered Brooke

After she said yes I kissed Brooke without even hesitating it and kissing her made me realize how much of a wuss I was this entire year. Kissing her was the best thing I had ever done and I didn’t want to stop. The way she smiled and giggled made my heart pound and I thought to myself how she never stopped getting more beautiful. That night I noticed small details of her face that I never saw and we laid on the ground staring at the stars the entire night. I was in love with Brooke and next to her was where I wanted to be.

It was a week before prom when Brooke died in a car crash. It was all my damn fault. We had kissed and talked more since I asked her to prom and I told her to break up with Jeffrey and to be with me but, she said no and that’s where I lost it. I yelled at her and told her that what she was doing wasn’t fair to me and to realize how happy I made her compared to Jeffrey. Brooke was on the edge of tears when she left to go on a drive. She said she needed some time to think and me being the idiot let her go. Brooke was hit by a drunk driver an hour later and when I received the news I felt my heart drop. It was all my fault, I should have talked things out or just give her space ,but no I had to yell at her and let her drive while she was upset. I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much as I cried that night. Knowing that the girl of your dreams is dead is the worst feeling ever. I wanted time to go back but, I was stuck in this giant black hole where I couldn’t escape. This school year was amazing in every aspect so why did this have to to happen? Why did I have to punished in this way? Those questions haunted me at night and I couldn’t sleep for days. Having the person you love the most die was the worse feeling in the world. All I wanted was her touch or even just hear her laugh but, it was all gone. As time went on, I forgot how she smelled or how her hands felt against mine.

It’s been three months since Brooke death and each day I go even more insane. The guilt of her dying is eating me alive. I have nightmares where she appears wearing all black and asking me why did I have to kill her. Because of me, Brooke is gone and that is something I have to deal with everyday up until now. I stand on the edge of the cliff ready to jump. This is the only way I can get Brooke’s voice out of my head.