They say when you die, your life flashes in front of your eyes.  I never thought that was true until now. My whole life story is printing out right in front of me and I actually care.  My whole life I didn’t care about anything, I was trapped in my own mind.  I think I was just scared. I didn’t confess my feelings or show my emotions. I was like a person hiding behind a mask.  Faking.
It all started when I turned thirteen, the year my grandpa died. That’s when I changed. My grandpa was a big part of me, and no one even noticed how much of an impact he was on my life. I was devastated when he died. No one, not one single person asked if I was okay and that hurt, I kinda just figured no one cared. After that I just stopped caring.  It was like dominoes, when one falls all the rest go down one by one.
As the story of me is printing ahead I see me in the halls. Blonde, straight and bright green eyes. White jean shorts and a blue and white striped tank top. Flip-flops on my feet and a bracelet resting on my wrist. I’m walking in the middle of the hall, people calling my name, “Carrie, hey!”. I’ll say “Hi” then keep walking forward. As I’m watching this I’m just thinking how could no one see the sadness in my eyes, the pain right in my heart.  I would be able to see it, but I know what it looks like cause I’m it.
As I focus on the video I remember the exact day, it was Friday, April 1st of my Junior year, a month before the accident, that day I was going to Kyle Mclish’s party.  It all started when I woke up with the ring of my alarm. I put on my dark washed jeans, and my teal flannel, I walked into my bathroom and started on my make-up. When I slowly walked down the stairs I ate breakfast and went out the door. My dad, Bryan was already in the car. As we were in the car we just had small talk, like good luck at school and how’s school and other boring stuff. When I got to school I jumped out of the cr and slammed the door. Then my dad gave me the did-you-really-just-do-that-look.
My parents never noticed my sadness, well it wasn’t really sadness it was more of carelessness.
When I got to school my best friend Kaitlyn started walking next to me. I didn’t say anything to her and she didn’t talk to me, we were just thinking. As we turn the corner Kyle shouts at us saying “Party at my house tonight, be there at 7.”
Later that day Kaitlyn and I met at her house. I sat on her bed as she was going crazy about what she was going to wear. I swear the house was about to blow up with all her fussing. 
After she decided what she was going to wear we got in her silver Toyota and drove to the party. When we got there we began partying. Kaitlyn and I went to the “dance floor” and began dancing.
After dancing for awhile I went to the couch and just sat down. I was in the middle of the brown, leather sofa. I sat with my body leaning back and my arms at my sides.  I don’t know how it came up but I just began thinking about my life. How I didn’t care about anything, how I didn’t live my life, how I just waited for my life to past. As I was thinking I knew I shouldn’t live my life the way I’ve been doing it. But I didn’t really know how I was suppose to live it because I’ve been faking it my whole life. “Bang bang!” I heard. That’s when I finally fell out of my thoughts.
As I watched myself on the screen I knew exactly what was going on, what I was thinking. I remembered me realizing that because I thought about it everyday.
I wish I actually changed, but I only thought about it. I needed to take matters into my own hands and actually do it. But I guess it was too late because right now I’m in my flipped car on this snowy Winter day and no one has spotted me.
I should’ve changed, made my life more remembering or actually cared. I didn’t though. But I guess that’s okay, it may not of been my ideal life but I still got to experience a lot of cool things and find out a lot of things. For instance they say when you die, your life flashes in front of your eyes and I found out that’s real.