This morning after I awoke, I laid inbed and stared at the ceiling for about two hours, trying to convince myself that there was a reason to get up. I could see from the corner of my unrelenting gaze, the bright green glow of the numbers that it was 4:07am, but I stayed still. Because it was a fight, just to force my body to move because when my mind is going back and forth, good vs bad, it almost paralyzes me.

It's like my whole body becomes numb and immune to everything around me whileinside my head, there is a war, a battle that I may never win because in a civil war, no matter the outcome of either side, you still lose because you are only fighting yourself. So, I lay there, almost lifeless in my mannerisms, my body argued with my mind.

"Y ou have to get up,"this, translated from the slight spasms from my legs,my body said, stressed to me, all the while, my mind begged me not to.

Slowly, I got to my feet, yet I did not standbut instead stared at the wall for a bit. It took everything inme not to flop lifelessly to the comforting hold of my pillow.

"There's no use, why get up? You'll just bother people because you'll never answer honestly when they asked you what's wrong or if you're okay. But you're right, they're just being polite. Just go back to sleep,"murmurs a littlevoice in the back of my mind.

And for a moment there, I almost let myself become weightless in the freefall of falling back into bed. Yet I knew that what the demons, no, my demons want, and I'll be damned if I give it to them.