As I watch him walk slowly and intently through the halls, I can only imagine what must be going on inside his crazy beautiful brain. I know he is not happy, although his face does not show it. It is straight, holding no smile or emotion. It’s Almost too straight, as if he can't feel anything, but I know that is not the case at all. It is a very eerie look. His brain is moving at a pace totally incomparable to yours or mine. The look in his eyes is almost angry and disgusted with everyone walking around. His head is down and his headphones are in. The only time he looks up is to give me a small amount of eye contact and a brief nod, that nobody else can see. When he lifts his head up ever so slightly, his chin is still almost touching his chest and I barely see his eyes when he looks up at me. It reminds me of how a “crazy” person might look to you, or someone normal. Or how a killer would  look deep and intently into the eyes of his victim before carrying out his evil dead. It is something very few people can understand, but I still call him my best friend.

    I would like to at least believe that we both understand each other. We get each other in many ways, but we are also aware that there is still an endless amount that has always been left untold. That doesn't matter to us very much. We are still the only ones who know how complex we both really are. I also know I am someone who gets what it is like to feel the way he does.

We seek each other out through the loud crowded hallway of students. Our eyes meet and hit each other like magnets. No words are exchanged as we approach one another. We just continue in the same direction, walking side by side headphones in our ears, with our eyes locked on the front doors. We pick up our pace as we approach. After a long stressful week, I need to get out of school. He can tell I have had a rough day but refrains from saying anything at the moment. We get over to the car that has been baking in the sun all day. I open the doors to let the heat pour out and hit us in the face. I almost am sweating as I turn the car on to roll down the windows. We let it air out for a minute before driving off in silence.

    Describing our drives together can be difficult sometimes. Some days we talk about everything we can possibly think of. We joke around making each other laugh until we can’t breath. Our sense of humor is so alike that it is scary. Our jokes bounce off each other perfectly. Sometimes just a funny look I give him can turn into a series of jokes that bounce off each other for minutes on end.

The day before this we had been doing the exact same thing. Driving to his house right after school. The mood was much lighter that day. We had been joking around all day. As we got on the highway, I took my eyes off the road for a brief second to make direct eye contact with him. The look I had on my face made him burst out laughing hysterically. We keep jokes going as long as we can before we laugh to a point where tears come out of our eyes and our faces hurt from smiling. Being in a car for these episodes is usually a good thing. If most people saw us they would Probably think we were pretty strange.

Some days like this one are different though. There is almost no talking at all. I remember that day was very quiet. We usually don’t even need words to communicate our thoughts to each other. That day we had just been overworked and extremely tired. It had been a long week. We kept our heads forward and focused on the road ahead. We listened intently to the songs playing as if we were critics, but we thoroughly enjoy almost any song being played. The silence in the car is never awkward. It is just a sign to both of us that everything is not all well. The drive seemed much longer than usual that day. We were both eagerly awaiting getting to his house. Not talking for a while felt nice. It gave us some time to just relax and be inside our own heads for a while. We could just let our faces relax and not worry about faking smiles and emoticons for other people.

*    *    *

Only a few minutes goes by before we arrived at his house. The only sound keeping us from having a silent car ride, was the music blasting in our ears. I take my time and carefully park in his driveway. When we get out, we see his dad hard at work. I give him a wave before going inside to put my stuff down. We are away from everyone now, and like most days we are happy to be able to do what we have worked hard for all day. It is time to escape. It is a sigh of relief for him especially. He is finally free to open up his little closet and get what he has waited for all day. The sound of that metal cap rubbing against the glass as he twists it off is very soothing. Slowly he closes the closet, being sure to not make any noise. He then opens the door behind him and I follow him onto the back porch.

He sits outside for a minute and takes in the beauty of his property he grew up on. Looking up at the light blue clear sky. I watch as he lets the sun warm his skin through his shirt and letting it soak into his bare feet. The air smells clean and rich from the forest and all the life surrounding him. He comes out here to sit and think almost every day. Most days I am there with him. He casually sits on his steps leaning back against the closed door behind him. Just the sound of the constant lighter clicks make him feel at ease and relaxed while he enjoys the life around him. He takes another sip and listens to the sound of the sloshing bottle being pulled from his lips. He puts it down and waits for a while. Feeling the warmth in his chest and stomach as he shuts his eyes for a minute to direct his face towards the sky, so he can let the sun warm his whole body.

He is now ready to ask why I have seemed so down. He does so in a very nonchalant sort of way. I talk to him about problems that have been arising with my girlfriend, which really are not that big of a deal. It feels good to get it off my chest though and just vocalize my thoughts for a bit. Me hearing it in my own voice usually just helps make me feel better about whatever is going on, and makes me realize I shouldn't be so stressed. He listens intently while looking off into the forest. The sun is beaming through the trees onto the fallen leaves. It is a beautiful view. Neither of us say much. He gives a few words of advice. Telling me everything will blow over soon enough which I know is true.

When we have had our fix of the outdoors, I follow him back in the house. I watch as he stumbles to his feet and casually walks back inside. He puts everything away, then goes to greet his parents as if there is nothing wrong. He seems to function almost better than normal. The strange, almost crazy look in his eyes is completely gone. Now I look into them and he looks back at me. He is relaxed and happy. His pain is numbed, but only for a little while. I look into his eyes and it is almost as if he sees straight through me, like there is nothing there behind them at all. I can tell his demons are leaving him alone now. He sits down to relax and finish the rest of his home work, while eating some of his favorite cereal.

*    *    *
   
Later that night, before we go to bed we stayed up for a while watching TV and talking. We talk about almost anything that comes to mind. We tell each other about our day. We talk about issues in our society, like doing so will actually make a difference. We can spend hours just talking about everything under the moon. It is one of the most relaxing parts of my week.

Getting to spend time with a friend who is almost just like a brother is so important to me now. Having a person like him in my life has just made such a huge impact on me. The fact that I have someone who I can truly call a best friend who will sit there with me and discuss these silly little issues in our lives means more than anything. Knowing someone cares that much is a great feeling. I would like to say I have many friends, but definitely none like this. Meaning that much to somebody can be a powerful thing. It makes me feel as if I have true purpose, and I think it is a feeling everyone deserves to have.

Before we met I could have never said that. Now I understand what it means to have a true friend. It is a heartwarming feeling. It helps me get up every morning and face my day. I feel as if I am really important. I thank him every chance I get now for everything he has done for me. We share an appreciation for each other that is incomparable to anything else. I could not ask for a better friendship.