There i was sitting on my bed, looking out the window, i see all the kids playing outside, wishing i could be out there too. They are so happy, a huge smile on their face, and the smell, of the outdoors, campfire, leaves, fresh air, and it kinda smells like it might rain. Smells so good when you haven't been out in weeks, and im just here, upset, hurt, and not wanting to be here anymore. I just really want to be out there, smelling the flowers and seeing all the pretty colors of the leaves on the trees. There is this plexiglass over the window, so it can't break. I dont know why they think i am going to break the window, I  wouldnt. But maybe someone would. Who knows, they've probably have it happen before. In 10 min, is dinner time, were having Ham, mashed potatoes, and corn. I love that , can't wait to eat it. You can smell it already, it smells so good, like thanksgiving.  When will i get out of here, will it be soon?

I share a room with, Cece. She is 1 year older than me, shes 17.
“Katie.” Cece says, in a confused voice.
“Yes?” I said A little confused of why she said it like that.
“Thanks for being here for me when i came, and thanks for being an amazing, and helpful person for me to talk to.” She said excited.

“You’re welcome, anything for a good friend.” I say, happy, but i could see the fear in her eyes, and i could feel the pain in her heart. She was having a rough time, like all of us, but shes the only one i really cared about. She is just your average girl, Brown hair,  brown eyes, about 5 feet 3 inches tall, about 130 pounds. She just has a lot going on in her head, heart, and life right now, and she doesn't know exactly how to deal with it, she deals with it in a way that doesn't exactly help the way we think it will. Just like everyone else here. I thought about asking her what’s wrong but i decided to ask her later, maybe shes not in the mood to talk right now, she will say something when she wants to talk.

Its dinner time and we’re all sitting around this really long rectangle table, with some adults, eating our food.The food here is actually pretty good. I don't mind it, at all. My closest friend here, Cece, is normally pretty loud and funny. But today she was really quiet, so i finally decided to ask her. “What’s wrong Cece?”
“Nothing im fine, I’ll tell you later.”

“Okay” i said concerned. Shes my bestfriend, i get upset when shes upset, i hate when shes upset, or sad. It kills me. I love her to death. She has literally helped me get through so much while weve been here its amazing. I can't thank her enough. Were not supposed to give last names or number, but i secretly gave her mine, and she gave me hers so we can communicate after.

After dinner, we go back to our rooms for a bit, and me and Cece talk. i say
“So what was wrong at dinner?”
“Just got a call from my mom…” She said as tears started forming in her eyes.
“And why was it bad?” i asked extremely concerned.

“Well, me and my boyfriend have been dating for 8 months, and he has picked up on my problems, and learned them himself, and how they help, but not in a good way, just temporarily, and now hes getting help, too.” she said as she started balling her eyes out.

“He knows that, what i do to end pain, does not result in good things in the end, maybe for a little bit but not long.” She says a she starts crying again. Tear form in my eyes, i can tell because everything starts to get blurry, i reach over and hug, her to comfort her, she gives the best hugs, and she always smells so good, like heaven. I don’t know what to do, other than that, and tell her she and him will be alright, and it will only make them stronger in the end

“He is literally my world, i don't care for anyone as much as i care for him.” She said as she layed down on her bed, reading the card he gave to her before she left. She loves music, so do I. It has helped both of us so much, different bands, but they both did the same for us. The bands have such powerful meanings, and they talk about the things were going through so we can relate. Which makes it more helpful, and enjoyable. I need to get out of here, soon. But i can't if i don't keep taking meds and getting along with my family. I need to get this stuff straight, fixing my emotions, and not freaking out over everything and hurting my self, or others. I know and can point out what i need to do, but the problem is finding a way to fix them, and being able to do it and keep doing it.

We were in our rooms for about thirty minutes, and we get called out for group, this group were doing a group on coping skills, those are the hardest because you have to find ones that work for you, and everyone's are different. And for some people, a lot of them don't help. It difficult for me to find ones work, my anger makes everything i try to do, harder. I have really bad anger, and anything makes me really mad. The group leader says

“Make a list of about 15 coping skills that you’ve tried, and they worked for you.”
“I’ve tried most of them and there is only like one that actually works for me.” I said with a slight attitude, because i was so mad, that i can't find coping skills that work for me.

“There has to be some, everyone has some.” Said the group leader, in a mad tone, i could tell she was annoyed with my statement. By the way her eyebrows went up, and the tone of her voice got less nice, and i could see it in her eyes. I need to get better, but my emotions and home life are stopping me from doing so.. which kinda sucks, because i can't go home until they are fixed.

The next thing i knew, the group was over and it was room time for a bit until movie time. Cece was still upset, so i did some stupid things to get her laughing, i threw all our playing cards in the air and yelled 52 pickup!!!!! That made her laugh, then i ripped up a bunch of paper, all different bright and pretty colors, to lighten up her mood, and threw that in the air, and yelled “confetti partyyyy!!” We were laughing so hard, then we got really hyper and started meowing at the people across the hall. I love being roommates with her, shes so funny, and a great friend! I love her, we have so much fun together.

Its movie time, and we always watch the stupidest movies sometimes, tonight we're watching, the Avengers. I’ve never seen it before, but its really good so far. While we watch the movie every night, we have to take showers and get ready for bed, it was my turn to take one, but i wanted to watch the movie, it was just getting to a really good part, so someone else went. The kids under 13 have to go to bed earlier than every other kid, and i'm 15, so i get to go to bed later, so i can wait to take a shower. The movie is almost over and i now love that movie, i never thought i would, but actually seeing it made me like it. Cece is in our room, i asked if she wanted me to go with her but she said she was fine, she was gonna go listen to music. I said okay, and i wanted  to watch the movie.

After i took a, nice warm relaxing shower, i went in my room and cece was sleeping. so i shut off the light and went to bed myself. I was laying there and i couldn't stop  thinking, i can never get my mind to stop thinking or worrying. It causes me to not sleep good. So they had me try to use sleeping meds, and i can already feel the difference. I am so much more tired than i normally am at this time. I actually think i am going to get some sleep tonight. About 5 min after that i fell asleep. This is what it is like in a hospital, full of people with mental disorders. Its not as bad as people make it out to be. Its better than being somewhere that you’re not excepted, everyone here is excepted. That is what is so great about these places. The bad things are being trapped in a small place with many people and not having much freedom, people watching everything you do, even sleep, not being able to use sharp things, only being able to use crayons, can’t even take a shower without being checked on. But you get used to it.

Today, i get to go home, because i fixed, my emotions and i am getting along better with my family, i cant wait to go home, i finally get to go home. The day i have been waiting for, for weeks now. I get to do all the things i have been wanting to do. Cece is going home tomorrow, too. Shes excited. Just as much as me, but shes kinda scared because she has to deal with everything with her boyfriend. I told her if she needs anything to text me and i gave her my number. Before i left everyone made me pictures, and i kept all of them, and once i get home i will  hang them all up in my room.  I can’t wait to go home. Im home now, and my little brother gave me the biggest hug, and asked me where i was but my parents don't want him knowing the truth, so i told him i was at my moms. He missed me so much, i missed him too. He is literally my world, i am so happy to be home with him.