I realized long ago that it isn’t like the movies. I went thinking the puzzle pieces will magically fit back together, but they end up crumbling instead. I’m no longer enthralled with the rainbow lights seeping through the fog machine and sweaty bodies grinding upon one another. To be honest with you, it has always been disgusting to me, but the voice creeping in my head kept begging to go. That voice begging me to go was also the voice of Ann, the girl I once called my best friend.

“C’mon, Jamie. One night wouldn’t hurt. You’re going with your best friend; what’s the worst that could happen? And I heard Ryan Clarke is going.” Ann emphasized the words ‘best friend’, and it somehow urged me to go.

“Oh alright, but only for this night. And I’m agreeing only because it’s a Friday night!”

“Yes, yes, yes! I love you; Oh Jamie, it’s going to be amazing! See you tonight.” Ann got in her car and drove off, leaving me alone in a gas station parking lot.

I went to unlock my bike when a guy behind me tapped my shoulder. I turned around saw it was Brent, the kid in my third period physics class who sits across from me, often awkwardly staring at the back of my head. Don’t ask me how I knew; it’s just a sixth sense.

“Oh! Hey Brent.” I said while struggling to get the rusty key to fit inside the keyhole.

“Need help?” I nodded, and he somehow managed to unlock my bike on his first try.

“Wow, nice! Thanks.”

“No problem… hey, you know our science table is meeting at the Yogurt place in Downtown San Diego to discuss our project. We’re finishing up next Tuesday, but it’ll be nice to have to whole group there to you know... discuss and stuff,” Brent said. I then realized how much I’ve been slacking off in the group project, and guilt spread through my body. By looking at his facial expression, I could tell he was hoping I would at least show up, and don’t get me wrong, I would contribute, but I promised Ann I would go to her party.

“You’re going to hate me, Brent, but I have a party to go to. It’s Ann’s and ugh. I sound like a total uncaring jerk, but I swear, I really want to help out.”

“Oh… well if you ever change your mind or decide to leave early, we’ll be at Yogurtland.” His friendly tone disappeared into a worrisome one, and it felt as if he was warning me about something.

“Okay. Well, bye Brent.”

“See ya, Jamie.”

I rode back home, and opened the front door to find myself alone in the house. I went over to the kitchen and found a note from my mother on the fridge.

Hi Jamie. Sorry for telling you so late, but Rick, a co-worker, decided to take me on a date! I’ll hopefully be back tonight, but in the meantime, you could take the car out for some dinner (There’s money on the counter). Stay safe and don’t do anything stupid. I love you! Xoxo, Mom.

I took the money from the counter and ignored the last part of the note before heading upstairs to get ready. Digging into my bag, I pulled out the outfit Ann is making me wear. They were clothes I will never wear in front of my mom. She lent me a black mini skirt to pair with a bright yellow tube top, and to be honest, I felt like a very slutty bumble-bee.

Putting aside all of my responsible thoughts, I started the car and drove all the way to Ann’s party. It was only seven pm, and even though the party just started, Ann’s house was already cramped with drunken teenagers dancing either like limp mummies or squirrels with rabies.

I stormed through the flashing room, looking for Ann, while bumping into girls wearing hooker outfits, and I realized I was practically wearing the identical thing. I scanned my eyes across the room, and I found Ann in the kitchen, laughing with a group of guys.

“Ann!” I yelled as I made my way to her.

“Look who’s heeeere! Jamie, have a drink! Eddy, over here, could even pour in some magic powder, if you’d like. You look great… wonder who’s outfit that is,” Ann said while giggling like a maniac. I could definitely tell she’s been drinking.

“No thanks… Ann, maybe you should stop drinking for a bit; you know, for your extreme diet,” I lied about the diet part. I didn’t want to sound boring and uptight.

“Thanks, you’re right; Mary Jane’s having fun without me.”

“No! Ann this is not right.”

“Oh, don’t be a bore, Jamie. God, you’re so uptight! I’m leaving.” Ann got up and headed into the dance floor, almost stumbling over her own steps.

I tried to chase after her, but a swarm of people blocked my way.

“Hey baby, here have a drink,” a bushy haired guy with bloodshot eyes said to me, and I pushed him away.

“Look at that ass!”

“Hey wanna go outside? I heard Ann’s decided to become a full-time stoner.”

“You know… there’s an empty room upstairs.”

“Oh yeah, I slipped some you-know-what in her drink.”

People’s conversations were swirling all around my head, whether it’s about drinking, smoking, or sex. Deep down inside, I knew I had to leave. I was killing my mind by just surrounding myself with these sweaty bodies and suspicious drinks.

I was almost out of the door when I heard Ann’s voice behind me. I turned around and she was with Ryan Clarke, the guy I’ve liked since freshman year.

“Jamie! Wait!” Ann came running towards me, and she whispered in my ear, “Ryan wants to talk to you.”

“Oh my god, what!?” Sadly, I got to admit, my heart leaped a little when I heard that Ryan Clarke wanted to talk to me.

“You heard me,” Ann replied, “Now go!” She gave me a push towards Ryan.

“Hi…” I muttered.

“Jamie… you look hot. You know, I have Lindsey Smith in the guest room waiting for me, and I was wondering if you’d like to gulp down few drinks and join us.” Without processing his words, I got excited, but I later replayed his sentence in my brain and realized what he said. In that moment, I lost all of the respect I had for him. The guy I’ve liked since 9th grade is just as bad as any of the other guys out in Ann’s living room.

I looked Ryan in the eye and shook my head without saying a word. I then ran towards the door as quickly as possible until I saw Ann leaning against it.

“Are you leaving?” Ann asked, softly. Her question sounded compassionate as if she’s not mad at all. I hoped she understood, so I shook my head.

Then as if she was wearing a mask all this time, she said, “Whatever, you’re a b**** anyways.” I never realized how much words could hurt until now.

‘She’s just drunk,’ I told myself, but deep down inside, I knew I didn’t deserve that.

I got in my car, wondering where to head off to, when I checked to see if I received any calls. Instead, it was a text from Brent sent an hour ago.

Hey Jamie. We’re all @ Yogurtland if you’d care to join us :) Just letting you know, just In case you decide to join us.

I smiled at my phone, and drove out to the city, away from the hoard of drunks and stoners I used to call my ‘friends’. I arrived at Yogurtland a few minutes later, and I spotted Brent sitting in a table outside.

We made eye contact as I walked towards the table, and he smiled at me- a genuine smile.

“Hey, so you decided to come after all,” his grin widened as he spoke, “Eleanor and Ron recently left, but you could help me tie these balloons to the stick while I add the weights.”

“To be honest, I’m happy I left,” I admitted, “I didn’t know why I went in the first place.”

“You know what,” Brent said while removing the weights, “let’s finish this project on Tuesday, and just walk around.” I nodded, and Brent placed the project back inside his car.

We were walking in silence, down the beautiful streets filled with colorful lights, when I broke the silence. “This morning, you sounded nervous when I told you about the party… why?”

“Ryan Clarke’s the reason why. We were best friends… until now, and I think you could see why. I just didn’t want a girl like you potentially getting hurt by that jerk.”

“Sadly, I learned that the hard way. Just letting you know, I don’t usually wear stuff like this. Ann just made me; I feel like a hooker bumblebee.”

Brent laughed, and handed me his sweatshirt. “I know, I think you look cuter in your regular clothes anyways. Here you could wear it. It’s getting cold, even the birds are migrating.” He pointed at the flocks of birds flying to the left but one single bird, flying the opposite direction, against the flow.

“Look at that bird,” I said pointing towards the bird flying to the right, “I applaud its rebellious nature.”

“Well, I say that you’re just like that bird” I gave Brent a curious look. “You’re a rebel too, but in a good way. I mean, you were brave enough to leave to party and stand up for yourself, right?”

I smiled at him. “I guess so.”

Me and Brent spent the rest of night talking about everything- from family to friends to books to the randomest things imaginable, and for the first time in a long time, I felt free. I told him stuff I was never able to tell, and he told me stuff I would have never guessed about him. Brent even had a charming sense of nervousness while he talked to me.

Maybe my ‘rebellious’ act (according to Brent) was fate. If I’ve never left the party, I would’ve been surrounded by douchebags, but here I am talking to someone who clicks with me.

“So,” Brent announced, “I was really nervous, and I think you know by now, but I really, really like you, and I know a science project isn’t the best way to ask a girl if---”

“Brent,” I interrupted, “my dad used to tell me that ‘you could tell if a guy truly likes you by how nervous they act.’ I think this whole night was perfect.”

He gave me a smile. “So, how about we redo this whole night? Except without the ‘science project’ excuse to get you to talk to me… did I say that out loud?”

“Oh, Brent. I wished I wasn’t so caught up with the party and my own life. Trust me, I would’ve talked to you a looong time ago if I knew how sweet you were.”

Brent laughed, “Maybe we can be rebels and fill our sample cups with a whole bunch of ice cream.”

“Oh. My. God! If that’s your idea of rebellion you should have seen---”



You don’t need to know the rest of the conversation, but you should know that I spent the rest of my night with a guy who doesn’t spill suspicious stuff in your drink or makes you sleep with him. I spent the night with a guy who taught me that being rebellious isn’t always doing something bad to prove your point. It’s going against the influence, and becoming free. Sometimes, when you learn to control your wings and go against the flock, the wind will lead your wings to new, extraordinary places.