It was like something out of a game of Clue. Marisa in the bedroom with Brent. John with a red plastic cup in the living room. Anna in the bathroom with a toilet full of vomit. Paul in the kitchen with a handle of peach Schnapps. I was lost. Lost among the swarms of people, all participating in a game of Clue. A weekly game night. A night not of solving murders but of solving relationships, sex, and how to get as smashed as you can.
I was used to it by now. The hecticity, the desperation. I was a part of it. Everyone in that house was for that night. And they would continue to carry it with them when the sun would come up and knock the moon out of its worthy place. Only nighttime would make everything we did in there okay, make us feel as though we were a part of something divine, doing god’s work.
I walked into the kitchen, breaking the girl code of eating during a party, and risking my body image in front of the guys. I opened the fridge. Moldy cheese. Apples. Old guacamole. Nothing else. As I closed the fridge, disappointed of the minimal options, I was surprised by Paul standing right behind me.
“Hey there Julia. I knew I’d find you in here,” he said to me with an arrogant air. What does that even mean, I thought to myself.
“I’m so terribly happy you know me so well,” I retorted.
“So, what happened last week? I texted you after I dropped you off at your house.”
“Umm….” I froze. I hated Paul so much, and after he had tried to kiss me the week before I knew I had to avoid him as best as I could. “Well, my phone is just really screwed up, sorry about that. I’ll catch you later!”
“Wait, Julia-” But it was too late, I had already bolted from the kitchen. Stopping to regain my breath my vision felt blurry. I looked down at the red cup in my hand and realized it was empty. Wasn’t this bubble-gum flavored vodka concoction brewed in my cup by a “witch” just a few minutes before? I latched onto the wall next to me, searching for a loop hole to support the immense weight that began to weigh down my legs. As I began to buckle, Tess came running toward me, saving me from my potential collapse.
“Julia, you have to see this. Hannah is so drunk that she’s trying to climb the pillars outside!” exclaimed Tess, frantically grabbing my hand. I allowed her to drag me through the crowds, through the drenched air, an air full of wrongdoing and sweat. As we broke through the giant force of the outside door, I could breathe. My body sighed with relief as fresh air came flowing into my lungs. There she was.

“I’m going to fly!” Hannah screamed from the top of the pillar.
Hannah always angered me. Always getting the most drunk at every party, and doing the most insane thing she could involving tall heights or tall boys. The pillar she was hanging from caused most of the party to come outside. Luckily it was in the middle of nowhere. No cops. No neighbors to complain. As Hannah was about to “fly” off the pillar, everyone shrieked, some slowly ripping off the skin on their fingers with their mouths. No one thinking about her potential injury, but about the possibility of cops getting involved. Fortunately, the pillar wasn’t high enough for Hannah to get injured. Once her limbs met the floor with a thud, she slowly got up from the cold ground, her inebriated state cushioning her fall. Everyone sighed, and in a split second, all disappeared back into the house, back into the stifled conditions. Then it all went back to normal, like clockwork. Marisa in the bedroom with Brent. John with a red plastic cup in the living room. Anna in the bathroom with a toilet full of vomit. Paul in the kitchen with a handle of peach Schnapps.
Unable to be a part of the search, I climbed the stairs to find refuge in Harry’s room, the host of the party. When I came inside I found him hanging upside down from his bed, cigarette in his mouth, praying his actions won’t face any repercussions. Harry was an interesting guy. One that seemingly tried to get his friends to like him for his parties, when really he hated the crowds, and the people he was trying to impress.
“There you are,” I said to him.
“Woo. You found me,” he retorted sarcastically and unenthusiastically, “What are you doing in here?”
“I thought that I’d seek some refuge in here. Your room always makes me feel safe,” I said as I ran my fingers across his silky mahogany desk with his empty cigarette packs creating grooves in the wood. “Paul was cornering me again. Oh, and Hannah almost died, but she’s so out of it that she didn’t feel a thing. Can I have one?” I said pointing to the cigarette in his Marlboro 27’s pack.
“Yeah go ahead,” he mumbled, taking in the information I just gave him. “I’m not surprised by Hannah, but how did you get out of Paul’s grasp alive?”
“I guess I just know my way around sex-driven boys,” I rejoindered. He laughed. “So, how’s hiding up here?”
“Man, I just don’t know why I keep having these things. These people sicken me sometimes”
“They sicken me all the time, but then why are you a part of this?”
“I could ask you the same question,” he wittily countered.
“Touché.” We sat there in silence for a few moments, inhaling the fatal air. Yet, an air less fatal than what was down the carpeted steps. I looked at Harry as he still hung upside down from his mattress, forlorn lodging itself in his pupils. We both wanted out, but something was keeping us there. It wasn’t about any typical social status that we were trying to reach. I still don’t know exactly why we did it. We just felt like we were a part of something. Being on the road of eternal lostness affected us, and these were just the types of things we would encounter on the way.
“You wanna get out of here?” He asked.
“Let’s go partner.” He got up, blood rushing back to its rightful places beneath his flesh. We walked out of the room and down the stairs of doom. As we were consumed by the crowd, the smoke, and the fumes of alcohol, he grabbed my hand and we successfully pulled each other out of purgatory. We were free.
We got into his car, he lit up his second to last cigarette, handed his last to me, and we pulled away, away into the darkness. A temporary darkness, one that the sun would make disappear in just a few hours, obliterating the actions done under that roof. We drove away, unsure of where we wanted to go. I looked out the rearview window to see what darkness loomed behind us. The signs disappeared, the road becoming a vast space of emptiness. All we knew was what was ahead. We knew at some point that we’d have to turn around and return to what we knew, for the world was too big for just one night, but everything that led up to that moment was worth it. I felt it. He felt it. The car felt it. The smoke felt it. We no longer felt an urgency to participate in the stupidity, be among the chaos, and play the games.
The games. Games of Clue. The weekly games of Clue.
We found the suspects, and they were ourselves, running from the crimes of the night: Julia in the car with Harry smoking their cigarettes.