I wake up. I get dressed. I eat my breakfast. I catch the bus and go to school. I get in my seat quietly. I don’t speak, I don’t smile. I just sit and study all the time. I listen to everything, reply to none. I just try to learn.
Physically I am inside the class, but mentally I am nowhere around. Because inside my head, there is a castle, with at least a thousand floors. It touches the sky and goes down to the core. It is like a passage between heaven and hell. It is so big, I can’t even tell. It is big enough to be a football stadium or, well earth itself. And I am the queen, I run the castle. It is mine for now and ever.
Now the bell rings and brings me out of my reverie. I look around and feel so lonely. I feel like I am the only one, who is so weird. So different and unreal. I get up and walk out. I walk into my next class and sit down again. I don’t make a sound, I pretend I don’t exist.
Inside my head, I am never alone. I am vibrant, I literally shine. I also laugh and smile. I sing and dance and play. I feel like I am the only one, who is so lucky. I feel happy and fulfilled. I ride dragons and slay beasts, I read runes and make potions. I do whatever I feel like doing because I am the queen. And there is so much I can do, because my castle has so many floors. Each floor is as exciting as the last, if not more.
Then the bell rings again, breaking my flow. In the cafeteria, I sit alone, if I sit in the cafeteria at all. I prefer the library, with its books and all. And that’s how the rest of the day goes; I am forever quiet and forever alone. In each class I listen, I don’t raise my hand and I don’t attract attention to myself.
All this while, inside my head wars have been started and won. Dragons, fairies, troll and wizards, it is all possible inside my head. Feasts and balls, wedding and proms, everything is there. It is all real inside my head.
I board the bus and reach home. The house is empty and I am all alone. My house just turned into my castle, without the dragons and trolls. Nevertheless I sing and dance and do what I want to do. And just for once I feel like I am a queen in real life too.
And then they return, the people I call my family. I manage a little smile, which is all that I can do. And then I go back to my castle, the one inside my head. I do my homework as they laugh and share their stories of the day. I feel isolated. I do what I always do, I escape.
My castle, it is huge and beautiful. It is the place of my dreams. In this castle, I feel free. Inside these walls I can be whoever I want to be. But again loneliness stabs. If only people would listen to me. If only they knew that I too have a soul. Because even though it is beautiful inside my head, sometimes it gets really lonely. The castle also needs to be cleaned, it needs renovation. It needs to be painted and the furniture is really old. My castle is old too; it has cracks in its walls. It might collapse one day, under the strain.
I finally fall asleep. I dream of other castles and the life inside these castles. But I don’t think any castle is as beautiful as mine. Sure they are all beautiful and they may be huge too. But mine is different. I can be whoever I want, whatever I want. I have wings, I can fly. I can even touch the sky. Mine is a haven, a safe house. My castle is vast and beautiful. The one inside my head.