August 25th, 2003. I woke up that morning to the smell of fresh chocolate chip pancakes from the kitchen that made its way upstairs to my bedroom. I looked outside and was blinded by the bright sun as the crisp air swept by me from the slit in my window that was left open. I lay in bed for a couple more minutes before racing downstairs for breakfast.

After I got dressed in my favorite princess bathing suit and pink sundress, we headed out for the day. All five of us piled into the car to go to the beach on the last day of summer. As soon as we got there, Adam picked me up and put me on his shoulders as Mommy and Daddy unpacked the car. My sissy, Jenna, stood off to the side texting her boyfriend as usual.

We made our way down to the sand and laid all of our stuff out. Daddy took one of the castle-shaped buckets down to fill it with water so he could set up the umbrella and I hopped off of Adam’s shoulders so Mommy could lather me up with sunscreen. As soon as the white was all rubbed in, I grabbed Adam by the arm and dragged him down to the water with me. We splashed each other, swam, and built sand castles all day, only stopping for the occasional snack; Jenna even joined us for a bit!

“Jenna, Adam, Lexi...Time to go!” I looked out at the sun merging into the now bright orange ocean before racing up the sand towards our umbrella. My little body trailed behind Adam and Jenna who looked as tall as skyscrapers to me. Once I made it back, Mommy wrapped me in the fluffiest towel and Daddy carried me back to the car. “Please can we stay a little longer,” I begged. Daddy looked at me as he was buckling up my car seat: “You know Adam has his Senior Barbecue tonight.” “I promise I’ll bring you back soon, Lex!” Adam yelled from the outdoor showers. As soon as we started driving, my eyes slowly shut and I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up the next morning and heard chaos downstairs but was so excited for my first day of 2nd grade that I did not question what was going on. I put on my navy blue dress, shiny white shoes, and clipped a white bow in my hair. I grabbed my backpack and ran downstairs to find out what was for breakfast.

Once I got down though, the kitchen was empty. “Mommy, Daddy, where are you?” My smile faded and I entered a stage of confusion. I walked through every room, but no one was there. Where could they be? I looked out the window and saw that all of the cars were gone...even Adam’s.

What do I do? What do I do? I started to panic, but then saw Mommy coming back across the street. “Mommy! Where were you? I was home all alone!” I jumped into her arms, but she slowly set me back down.
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August 25th, 2010. I woke up this morning to the dry crackle of my cheeks from the tears I shed last night. I look out the same window, only this time, I do not feel the same joy I felt seven years ago. Untouched from that day, I walk into Adam’s room hoping to see him laying in his bed so that I can go give him just one more hug, but he is not there. His blue and white striped bathing suit is still laying on his bathroom floor, his green shirt still thrown across his bed, and his favorite baseball trophies still sit on top of his dresser.

Once my vision is cleared from the few tears I have left, I make my way downstairs, but once again, no one is home. I grab my house keys and begin the three and a half mile walk to the cemetery.

As I walk down the paved streets, thoughts about Adam run through my head faster than I can comprehend them. I just want him back with me. I want to be able to laugh with him. I want to be able to sit on his bed as he did his homework. I want to be able to see him smile. I would do anything to have him back with me for just one more day.

Through the gates of the cemetery, I see someone standing at his grave. “Jenna?” The tall, slender woman turns towards me. My eyes begin to tear up again. When Adam died, I not only lost him, but I lost Jenna. I was all alone with no one to turn to. I immediately flashed back to all of those years where I sat in my room crying with no one to talk to, no one to hug, no one to hold me when that was all I needed.

I kneeled down at Adam’s grave and pulled Jenna down with me. “We’re all together, Adam. We’re all finally back together,” I whispered. Jenna took my hand and we sat there in silence hugging each other as if nothing had changed.

“Lex, I’m so sorry I left you. I never meant to hurt you, I just couldn’t handle being home. I know Adam was your best friend and I should have been there for you.” I looked up at my sister and wiped the tear rolling down her cheek. “He still is my best friend.”