My name is Ace. I'm a black German Shepard mixed with other colors; my cheeks are brown and my feet are white. I've been told that it looks like I'm wearing socks. My family tells me that I'm the best looking and most handsome dog in the world. I grew up in a big house with my mom, dad, big brothers Eric and Joey, and my little sister Rachel. I loved life. My favorite memories are chasing my toys all around the backyard and eating delicious leftovers. I can remember the precious aroma of Thanksgiving feasts like it was just yesterday. I wish I could go back to those days one more time, but I understand I can't.

Several years ago my stereotypical happy life faded away. My mom and dad used to joke about how they were the lucky ones because unlike other couples they didn't fight. Suddenly our home became a war zone, as every night was a screaming match. I have always been a mama's boy and somehow I constantly managed to get trapped in the room they were in during a fight. I sensed my mom needed me as a security blanket, but the screams still haunt me to this day and If I hear anything like it, I escape immediately. The fights eventually ended. Things didn't get better though. I lost my mom and my little sister. For a while I didn't even know where they went, occasionally they would stop by for a visit. I couldn't figure things out and I didn't understand the changes. Little did I know, I should have cherished the times like that. It wasn't long before my dad found someone new. I didn't even like meeting new people, let alone having someone move into my house in the place that should have been my moms. I had to behave myself because If I didn't my dad would be mean. The days got slower. Life wasn't good anymore.

It's hard to remember the exact order of every downhill event, but I do know where we came from and where we ended up. First, my oldest brother Joey left to live with my mom and Rachel. My brothers took me there to visit sometimes. There was a part of that wanted to stay and a part of me that knew I couldn't; it was just too small a place. Although, nothing that happened was my moms fault, I felt resentful towards the fact that she had to be the one to leave. I didn't give her as much kisses as I used to, but I loved her just the same. It hurt so bad to be without her.

It wasn't long before a new dog game along. His name was Zeus. Zeus was a tiny little shih tzu that reminded me of my old age and made me want to be young again. I tried to run around and keep up with him which was fun while it lasted. The worst pain of my life was just around the corner, though. I began having hip and leg problems. I wasn't in terrible agony and I could still get around fine. My appetite was strong as ever. I was just a typical old man. Everything was going okay until my stepmom decided to convince my dad to sell the house I've lived in my whole life. Temporarily, for maybe two months or so, they were going to move into an apartment until they figured out where else to go. I could either live in a trailer with my mom or the apartment with my dad. It didn't really matter at this point since I didn't need a backyard to roam around in anymore. I stayed in the apartment with my dad for a few weeks until the dreaded day came.

One day I woke up to my dad telling me it was time to go outside for my morning walk. I got up and let him put my leash on, but when we got to the stairs I couldn't move... my legs wouldn't budge. “What is going on” I thought to myself. This is absolutely humiliating. I lied down in embarrassment, not in pain. My dad carried me down the stairs and had to hold me up to help me use the bathroom. He called my brother while we went down there to talk about what just happened. “Eric... we are going to have to put Ace down...He can't walk anymore, I had to carry him down the stairs...” I knew exactly what was going on. I always understood what they were saying. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to feel.

One week ago I was staying at my mom's place while my dad went on vacation. They knew my time was coming. “Please live forever, Ace” my sister Rachel kept begging me. “I love you Ace. You are the best dog in the world.” Those were the type of things my family told me. I'm not scared for what is to come now. I know that I completed my job here as a dog, for I remained loyal to my loved ones despite the trials and tribulations we faced as a family. This is a hard time for them and I pray they will get through without too much pain. The night I left the trailer to go back to the apartments was the last time I saw my mom and Rachel. They never truly said goodbye to me, they aren't ready to close this chapter and move on yet, but that's okay because I'll live forever inside their hearts. My brothers said goodbye to me, but they aren't ready to move on yet either. I'm more than just a family dog. I'm symbolic of a time period that's lost, saying goodbye to me would be saying goodbye to that five person stereotypical happy family, it would be saying goodbye to so much, too much. They can't do it, I can't do it. Our family may be torn apart, and even though I believe everything happens for a reason, I also believe there's an exception to every rule. My family is that rule. All good things must come to an end, but ours ended before it was meant to. I don't know a lot of things, but I know that's a fact. You do a lot of thinking when it hurts to move your legs and hips so your stuck staring out a window with nothing to do.

Loss is part of life; it's a natural human experience. I just hope they take the things I've taught them, and never forget. It's the answer. You see, if you don't want to lose your loved ones, you don't have to. If I could talk I would tell them about all the nights I spent lonely, missing them, feeling betrayed, and remind them that I always forgave them. What you had once may be gone, but always forgive. You have to forgive each other, you have to forgive life for the unfortunate circumstances it throws your way... think of me when you have a hard time with that. I wish I could tell them, don't you dare give up on each other. Even if you are apart as a family, as individuals have each others back, be there, show you care. I stole this part from a song, but most of all I want them to know this: Take a look around, I'm the sunshine in your hair, I'm the shadow on the ground, I'm the whisper in the wind, I'm your imaginary friend And I know I'm in your prayers. I'm already there.

The day has came. Who would think that the day of your death would become the most life changing day of your life? I've choked on a ball before, I was a few minutes to death right there. That was scary, chaotic, and indescribable, but what happened today during my last few minutes on Earth gave me feelings I've never felt before. I lost faith in my dad a long time ago, about a million mistakes ago. Yes, I loved him and I remained loyal. However, I wasn't sure he had feelings, I didn't agree with any of the decisions he made and most of all, I had no clue the man even cared about me. I was fearless when he put me in the truck to head to my final destination, but he wasn't. He called my mom. “He was just so bad off, Susie. We didn't have any other options. It was meant to be. We knew his time was coming all along. Are you sure you don't want to come say goodbye.” I could hear my moms saddened beautiful voice on the other end responding to my dad. She had already faced the facts that he hadn't even thought of until this moment. Then, for the first time ever I heard my dad cry. “Susie, I didn't want to have to do thii...” his voice bursted into tears unable to complete what he was saying. A man whose wife and children have never seen cry, a man who hasn't cried in more than twenty years. Everything was different. I guess he does have a heart. It wasn't long before my dad got it back together, finished his conversation with my mom and headed to the SPCA. I looked my dad in the eyes then kissed him on the cheek. I thought to myself, I love you dad, and as if he read my mind he said “I love you Ace, I'll keep you in my heart forever.”