All Nonfiction
- Bullying
- Books
- Academic
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Heroes
- Interviews
- Memoir
- Personal Experience
- Sports
- Travel & Culture
All Opinions
- Bullying
- Current Events / Politics
- Discrimination
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Environment
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
All Hot Topics
- Bullying
- Community Service
- Environment
- Health
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
- Back
Summer Guide
- Program Links
- Program Reviews
- Back
College Guide
- College Links
- College Reviews
- College Essays
- College Articles
- Back
DOCUMENT1
The loud, obnoxious beeping of my alarm yanks me out of my fantasy filled dreams and back into the cold reality. I yawn and roll out of bed before I change my mind and decide to go back to the never ending bliss of my mind.
I stumble my way into the bathroom and take a shower like it is just another day, only it isn't. Today is very special, not that anyone will notice. After I return to my room, I open my closet and pick out my best looking clothes, the ones I have never worn before. I fix my tie to be perfect before combing my hair, another thing which I never do.
Now it’s time for the walk upstairs to breakfast. I can already smell my dad’s bitter coffee. It’s probably being sipped from his “World’s Greatest Dad” mug my sister got him last year. My mother’s hair dryer is screaming, trying to be kept in the background by my younger brother watching sports.
When I finally arrive in the kitchen, I open up the bread box, and start making myself some toast. I don’t even know how to make it so the toaster doesn't burn it. As I put the bread down, I glance over my shoulder. Dad’s head is buried in the local news section. I turn to see Mom putting the finishing touches on her makeup.
“Danny, how did your spelling test go?” I ask my brother who has just finished gobbling up the last of his sugary cereal.
“Good.” He responds after walking past me to put his bowl in the dishwasher.
I turn to my father. “Dad, have you heard when Marissa will come home for Independence Day?” He doesn't respond. I have to call him by his first name again. “Sam?”
“Hm?” He asks, still not peeking his head out of its paper cocoon.
“When’s Marissa coming home for-“
“She’s coming back for the fourth.”
I put on my best impression of a smile. “Thanks.”
Mom comes scurrying out of the bathroom. “Come on guys, we’re going to be late!” My family goes starts scrambling for the door. Quickly, I run to the edge of the stairs. I can smell that the toaster definitely burned my breakfast.
“Mom, Dad, I have something important to tell you!” I yell across the house.
Mom checks her watch, and then reaches for the doorknob. “I’m sorry honey, I’m late. You can tell me when we get back from work. Bye.” She slams the door, and I can hear the car pull out of the driveway.
“I’m going to kill myself.” I say. It’s the first time I've said it out loud. It’s real now. Before, it was just a cry for help, a message on a poster I hung in my room for my parents to see. Now it’s real.
I've had the noose all ready for a week now, hoping someone would come in my room and see it. Dad even ran by and called me up for dinner. My door was open, he must have seen it. Was it just that he didn't care?
I walk down to my room. I’m ready, I have no regrets. I breathe in my final gulps of air. They’re filled with the smoke from my burnt toast. I boot up the computer sitting on my desk. It has my note typed on it in plain text. I never named it. At the top it reads: DOCUMENT1.
I climb up on the chair, and fit the rope around my neck. I let my mind go blank, almost. Just one thought sticks in my head as I fall and feel the rope go taught; they didn't even say “I love you.”
Similar Articles
JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 11 comments.
The thing is, it’s more realistic that way and, in turn, is more likely to have an even greater emotional effect on the reader. If the parents are so unsympathetic and blind that they can’t see the narrator literally hanging a noose in her bedroom, they’re don’t seem human - they’re cartoon villains or cardboard cut-outs, not like anyone we could relate to. But if you show smaller things, like how the parents dismiss the narrator’s moods or get too caught up in their own lives to talk to her, then that’s something that real people actually do - in fact, it’s something that your readers might realize they themselves have done to a friend or family member who was unhappy. And when you get people to connect that personally to your story, you can create an even stronger emotional reaction. Like I said, I can understand why you wrote it the way you did, and I think this story packs an emotional punch no matter what you do. That's only me personally, and your writing isn't about me. ;D Overall, this story really does leave an impression, and I'm kind of wondering where your editor's choice is for it? :P C'mon editors!
This sentence: “trying to be kept in the background by my younger brother watching sports.” I don’t really know what you’re trying to say here. Again, try to avoid passive voice and word everything as clearly as possible. Also, the "quickly, I run" stuck out to me a lot for some reason. I know that running is quick, so you don't totally need that adverb.
There were parts where I thought you could use some more commas or break up the sentences more; especially in that first sentence. By doing this you will give more of an impact to the reader as it flows better, so they will think more fluidly as they read; it is also a very good opening, so it is best to compliment it by starting even stronger.
There is also a sentences that does not make sence "My family goes starts scrambling for the door."
Apart from that, this was a very clever piece, it captivated the readers sense of empathy. You also gave the persons emotions and how he felt and his thoughts, without even saying what caused this. You caused the reader to think and to feel for the character; well done.
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments