I can’t wait to hate you.
It seems like it’s been going on for an eternity and no matter how much time we bank together it never seems enough to redeem what we’ve lost. Time. We’ve lost time, time to spend with one another in some sort of romantic setting; we’ve lost time to spend with each other that might otherwise be used to better further understand what went wrong?
Was it when you started working those long hours?
When I went to my action group?
Or was it just when we gave up pretending we were happy to live this charade?
Maybe it was all three? I don’t know. I’ve given up caring now, sometimes I’ll wonder what tomorrow might have in store, maybe it’ll be better than today, today when we yelled so much we ended up shout-whispering because our voices hurt so much. Today when you grabbed me, tried to make me listen to you, all you wanted to do was make me listen, I should of listened because you shook me you pushed me backward. My blood exploded on my skin, covered in bruises that you think were my own clumsiness. I’d never tell you that it was you.
Maybe I’m just lazy, you know? Maybe I just can’t bring myself to talk to you about everything you put me through because maybe I’m scared of the outcome and maybe sometimes I wish me and you were just me and you and not us. If that makes sense? Of course it does, it’s you, and you understand me like that. One of the reasons I fell for you in the first place but if I knew what I’d have to put my body threw just to make us happy, make us cope maybe I would of thought twice before saying yes.
My emotions aren’t doing so hot either you know? One minute I’m happy and living my life by everyone moment that I’m here and the next you’re at my throat about this guy who’s added me.
Who is he?
Why is he talking to you?
How do you know him?
Where did he meet you?
How old is he?
Too many questions, does it matter? Really? You can’t stop me but let me remind me that you already did, remember that one guy that wasn’t doing any harm but I stopped speaking to him. For you! Remember that? Well you’re not having this one. Not this one. He’s sticking around so sit back, relax, calm down and enjoy the roller-coaster that is my life.
Who ever said you had to change in a relationship was right. But the people around me have nothing to do with us why should they change too? Why should they hide away in the depths of my Facebook inbox and in the most remotest place in my phone so they aren’t discovered by you? They shouldn’t have too because its not them that changing it you, you’re changing me. I’m trying so hard to make you happy all of the time that I’m sacrificing what makes me happy and you know what I’ve finally found the person who would never make me sacrifice anything!
Maybe I’d want too… but if he asked he would be just like you. I’d do anything you asked of me you know that, I’d walk on hot coal with a fire poker between my teeth if it would please you but this guy he says my happiness is his happiness. My smile makes his day but for you… is that enough? I honestly don’t know any more it seems like nothing makes you happy and everything and everyone makes you suspicious. Maybe it’s time to step back and see what we really are all about?

Maybe it isn’t our time.
Maybe now we can see it we can see that we maybe just aren’t meant for now, maybe the later but for the now my vision is blurred from the tears I seem to never be rid of, from the constant suspicion to the lack of trust and affection.
He can stay, he ain’t going nowhere but you? You know exactly where the door is.
And maybe, just maybe you belong on the other side of it.