I don’t know what happened. I use to be a good kid. I use to not take so many risks. I use to not let people talk me into things, but now I guess I have no chance, but let me at least explain how this came to be.

It was 7:00. I was getting ready for a party that was going to be at some guys’ house. Connor was going to pick me up at 8:00. He was amazing. His brown eyes pulled me in. His touch was so gentle. He always had something sweet to say.

I remember I was in my bathroom, pulling on makeup, with my music playing, when I got a text from Connor. It said, “Hey baby, I want to make this a night to remember forever.”

“I do too, I love you. I want to remember us forever,” I replied back.

“Well, we have been together for almost a year… I don’t know how to ask this,” you suggested to me.

“I think I know what you are asking and I will keep that in mind. We might be able to,” my heart raced as I typed. I didn’t know if I wanted this or not, but I knew I didn’t want to lose him.

“Okay babe, just know I love you and that I want to be with you forever,” you explained to me.

I slipped on my dress, pulled up my hair, checked in the mirror to make sure I looked good. Then I walked to the front door, to see you standing there with these most beautiful flowers.

You had on a nice grey shirt with some jeans and cowboy boots on. I matched with my grey country style dress with my cowboy boots on.

You said that I looked beautiful and took my hand as we walked to your old mustang, which looked good as new. You opened my door and let me in.

Before you drove off you told me, “This will be a night to remember. I promise you that baby,” then drove to the party.

My mind was going 100 miles per hours thinking of things we have done and talked about doing. I was also thinking about if I really wanted to do this tonight or not.

You could tell I was skeptical about doing this tonight, bur you pushed it into the back of your mind as we arrived to the party. I could hear the music from a few houses down, blasting. As we pulled up we saw people everywhere. There were couples kissing, guys drinking, and girls flirting. Anything you could imagine was being done.

We only stayed two or three hours. We had both been drinking a little bit and now our hormones were racing. I could feel your hands wandering on me and mine were doing the same on you. We couldn’t to wait any longer so you took me too our special spot behind my house, back in the woods a ways, under an old pavilion.

As we got closer you stopped and looked in my eyes and asked me “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

I looked into your brown eyes and couldn’t say no, so I just nodded and said “I’m sure.”

You picked me up and had me wrap my legs around your waist as I kissed you. You slowly sat me down on a bench in our spot and moved your hands down my body.

As time went by I remember thinking do I really want this, can I just not say no, will I regret saying no? obviously I didn’t really want that, I am capable of saying no but just didn’t, and that I would regret it.

That one decision, not to say no, changed my whole life. My mind goes crazy. When my conscience says don’t do this, my body does something else now, even when I don’t want to do something.