This is one story I’ve never told before. Not to anyone. I was never that girl. No, not that girl that just came to mind. You know, the girl people whisper about in the hallways. Even though she may act innocent on the outside, you know exactly where she was last weekend. And who she was with. Because it wasn’t her boyfriend, and that makes the whole situation a scandal. No, I was never categorized as that girl. Until, at least in my mind, I was.

I mean, I was never exactly the “relationship type.” But we had been dating for almost a year, and I really cared about him. Everyone knew we were together, and everyone knew we were happy. Because we were. I had guy friends, sure. But every girl knows that once you’re tagged as in a relationship, you essentially belong to someone; and they belong to you. This means that all those guys you’d normally call up just to chat, or text to hang out over the weekends, are not really options anymore. Communication with them could be the cause for suspicion on the boyfriend’s part. This is why I wasn’t allowed to talk to Him. Let’s call him Jack. Sure, I mean, we weren’t that close. But for some reason, his friendliness and my boyfriend’s hostility towards him, made him majorly off limits. Of course, that didn’t exactly stop anyone. I mean, he was my friend first, and he helped me with my homework and calmed me down when I was upset. Jack was harmless. Until he wasn’t.

Jack started asking to hang out. We had hung out previously, but our current state of friendship was more of a text-on-Tuesday-morning, call-on-Thursday-night type of a thing. He was single, I was taken. I guess if you had the common sense I seemed to be lacking, you’d take this as a definite flashing WARNING sign. But I didn’t. So I agreed, and said we should “totally hang out one of these Fridays!” When I informed the boyfriend of this on the designated Friday, he seemed a little wary. So I put it off. I told Jack that I wasn’t feeling too great, and he said it was cool, and that we’d just find another day. It seemed just fine. So when I called my boyfriend back and told him, I decided that he wasn’t going to stop me from seeing one of my friends, just because he was a little jealous. The next weekend, I called Jack up to see if he was busy. He was out with some friends, he told me, but he’d be home later that night and we could do something. Sure enough, around 10 p.m. he called me up and told me he was free to do whatever. So I told him I’d stop by his house for a little, and maybe we could go and grab a bite to eat. The line was set, I told myself. That “invisible” line between strictly friends and well, off limits, seemed to be blatantly flashing before my eyes. Until it stopped.

When I got to Jack’s house, it was raining. He stepped outside, and…well, I may have stared at him a little too long. I couldn’t help myself. I can’t recall exactly what it was, but something about seeing him in the dark walking towards my car was different. I guess it was out of my element. When he called me he was with some friends, so I guess I automatically assumed they’d be with us wherever we went. So when it turned out to be him alone, a slight flutter of nervousness seemed to flash through my insides. He got inside my car, mostly wet, and asked me where we were headed. I couldn’t really seem to find the words, so he filled in by explaining that the weather was pretty bad, and that maybe he should drive. We were just going to stop by McDonalds, and then head back to my house to chill. I let him take the wheel and sat back, making casual conversation.

Eventually we got our food and went back to my house. It wasn’t exactly a “legal” arrangement; therefore my parents didn’t exactly know I was having anyone, especially Jack, over. If he wasn’t a boy and it wasn’t 10:30 p.m., they might have been okay with it. Even though he was honestly just my friend, it still would cross a line. I knew it was risky, but I opened the garage door, and pulled in. We walked in and sat down to get comfortable on the couch. I popped in a movie for background noise and we started chatting. The conversation went much longer than I intended. About 45 minutes into talking, I realized what time it was and decided that it was probably time Jack left. I started to ask if he needed me to drive him or if he could find a ride, but he interrupted me by asking if he could kiss me. I started to back off, taken completely off guard, when he planted one on me. A million thoughts ran through my mind at that moment, but I did something I will probably regret for a very long time…I kissed him back. Before I knew it, I was caught in the middle of a mere moment that I never would have brought upon myself had I had a second to process it. Before anything worse, I stopped Jack; I pushed him away.
It was almost midnight, and I informed him that I could drive him home, but we needed to leave right now. That car ride was possibly one of the most awkward I have ever experienced. But eventually we got to Jack’s house, and after a quick goodbye, he hopped out and shut the door, leaving me to drive home immersed in my own thoughts. Not a good place to be. Once I got home, I thought I might call my boyfriend to let him know what happened. But after a few minutes, I decided that I needed to process it myself before doing anything about it. It was just a kiss, nothing more…
This happened three weeks ago; I still haven’t told anyone. Until now, that is.