My alarm sounded, 6:00a.m. the glaring red numbers flashing on and off, on and off. The snooze button seemed miles away as I tossed and turned relentlessly, knowing I could never reach it. It took every effort of my consciousness to take my tired, motionless body out of bed. I sat up, gazing into the mirror on my bedside table. The reflection that looked back appeared drained and weary. Bags had begun to form underneath my almond-like hazel eyes and wrinkles across the surface of my lips. I placed one foot into the shower eagerly awaiting the hot temperature, as my body shivered from the cold ceramic floor. The stiff spray of the water on my face jolted me awake from my slumberous state and then, turning off the water, carefully wrapping my towel around my thin, petite figure, I picked up my high fashion athletic wear and in my robotic morning routine made my way to the gym.



A cold, damp sweat sprouted from my pores, trickling down my cheeks and falling to the ground. The pulsating beat of my heart tensed uncontrollably, and the familiar sound of my feet pounding the treadmill reminded me of the monotony of my routine, making it harder for me to bear the rest of my workout. I knew the rumbling in my stomach would not be satisfied by the meagre meal of low fat yogurt and a half portion of fruit that would make up a third of my days calorie intake.



I found myself gazing back into my bedside mirror. I tried a pale cover-up, applying it in dots to disguise the bags under my eyes and then continuing to the apples of my cheeks with a rosy pink blush. The black coats of my mascara covered my already long and thick lashes and a dusty grey shadow covered my eyelids. I puckered my lips and finally applied a thick coat of poppy red lipstick. My portrait was complete.

***

Timidly I paced back and forth behind the curtains. “Shauna O’Connor!” I listened as my name was called out. Immediately my lungs began to collapse, each breath got heavier as I tried to gasp for air. My heart began to rise in my throat, blood rushed to my cheeks and my delicate, yet frail legs shook with fear. I took a deep breath, trying to balance the heavy beats that pounded at my heart. My hair rested slightly on my shoulders as the richness of the red copper swayed back and forth. The pucker of my ruby red lips felt moist as I smacked them together feeling the stickiness of gloss tearing them apart. As I slightly faked a smile the protruding shape of my robust cheek bones and the sharpness of my collar bones created a definite look. I began to make my way onto the stage and with one look, I gazed into the audience. Noticing millions of beady little eyes glancing towards me, I felt the heaviest part of my stomach begin to panic.



This was one place in the world that evoked every emotion in my body: the feelings of anxiety, fear, happiness and anticipation collected within me. I took one step forward, then another, as I began to walk with the weight of my body on the ball of my foot, creating an elegant stride. My stilettos reached nearly eight inches as the rhythmic sound of each one hit the ground. My dress, a deep shade of navy, painted the translucent pink of my skin. Just as the streaming spot light was about to highlight my figure on the runway, I turned around, my back facing the audience. The crowd went still, silence filled the room. I could feel the crimson hue of my cheeks blushing with embarrassment. Without looking back, I darted off the stage, tears teeming down my face, and in that solitary moment I felt my world crumble into a million pieces.