Ten Reasons | Teen Ink

Ten Reasons

August 5, 2010
By ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.


I examine the four faces around me, the expressions that are so similar yet so different. Every one is angry, confused or agonized. Every one is determined.
“Guys,” I whisper, “Do we really want to do this?”
“Life isn’t worth it.” The voice is female, the peaceful sound of water trickling over rocks, a sound I could listen to for hours. My eyes turn to the girl it belongs to, focusing on her long, curly blonde hair and shining green eyes—shining in pain.
“If you want to back out, fine,” snaps a deep, masculine voice, sharp as a razor, “but don’t try to stop us.” The boy has skin the color of milk chocolate and hair the color of the night sky. His eyes are green as well, though darker and duller from exhaustion.
“Tammy and Mitchell are right,” says another boy with a voice less deep. He is a big, athletic brunette with a perfect summer tan and gorgeous blue eyes. His voice reminds me of a tiger, able to purr and soothe or snarl and frighten.
“You may as well tell us now,” orders a petite redhead, pale skin covered in dark makeup, brown eyes hard and angry, and a voice like a thunderstorm on a gorgeous spring night.
I meet their gazes. We used to be the best of friends, and I guess we still are in a way. We were all tough, playful kids missing a baby tooth or two in a mouth surrounded by chubby cheeks and a variety of faces with a love for anything that could get us sweaty or dirty or make us laugh.
Now, Tammy is tall and thin, in chorus and band with straight A’s. Mitchell is thick, big and strong on the football team and passing with high Bs. Vince is mediocre at two sports and a star at a third, barely passing his classes. Sandra knows almost every piece of gossip at the school, mainly because she is invisible to most students. She has the highest grade in her math, art and English classes yet barely passes the others. I am third in my class, never played sports and am in better shape than most girls in the school are.
Tammy runs with those in the band and some people from chorus. Mitchell hangs with the low-profile jocks and other almost-popular kids. Vince chills with the high-profile jocks and the extremely popular kids. I spend time with an interesting mix of those in the band, nerds, cheerleaders, and other people without titles that fit in well. I am never with them outside of school, though. Sandra usually spends her days alone.
I look away from them, at the playground. It is hours after curfew, but no one ever checks the park to make sure it stays empty. The jungle gym looks desolate, the swings even more so as they sway in the wind.
The only thing occupied is the wooden boat, with two ladders for entrance and exit and a slide that is supposed to be for exit only. Yet it, too, seems lonely.
“I may back out,” I say slowly, “but I’d like to see something first.”
That is a lie. Well, not all of it is. I do want to see something. It is a test of sorts, a test for them. The lie is that I may go through with it.
I will not. I made up my mind days ago.
“Why not?” Sandra mutters sarcastically. “It’s not as if we have anything important to do.”
Nobody says anything as I reach into my bag, more a backpack than a purse. I pull out a notebook, a one-subject, 70-page notebook like the ones I use to take notes at school. It is a plain color and a color that seems fitting tonight. It is red, the color of blood.
Written on the front in black Sharpie is the title.

TEN REASONS TO END MY LIFE.

“I think we should all make a list,” I explain. “A list that includes up to ten reasons we want to…you know.” I cannot bring myself to say the words. “But they have to be real reasons, not there to take up space.” I know I will not have to worry about that. They are all honest. “I’m going to recommend that if you don’t hit ten, you come back to my house.” Only my sister is there tonight, anyway. “We’ll try to find a solution to what you do have written.” I look around our circle. “What do you say?”
“That we’ll do your stupid little list,” Tammy replies, “but we’re still going to go through with it.”
“Tonight,” Vince adds.
I nod. I knew that would happen. “Put your name on top of the page. If you don’t reach ten, put an X somewhere, too.”
“You’re so picky,” Mitchell growls. He pulls the notebook out of my hands and grabs a pen from the pocket of my jeans. Using the side of the boat for a solid, flat surface to write on, he scribbles his name.
He writes diligently, quickly, for a couple minutes. Suddenly, he stops and stares at the page. Slowly, hesitantly, he draws an X. His hand seems to move on its own, turning the page and handing the notebook to Tammy.
Catching me watching, Mitchell glares, “It’s still worth it, Abby. That didn’t change my mind.”
I look away and watch Tammy instead. She writes slower than Mitchell does, taking her time to form perfect letters. Five minutes pass before she, too, draws an X.
Vince is next. After a few minutes, he adds his own X.
Even Sandra—dark, angry, lonely Sandra—has to draw an X.
The notebook falls in my hands. Mind spinning with everything I am about to write, I grip the pen. They all watch as the pen hits the paper, and I begin to write.

ABIGAIL
1-
Almost a year ago, my mother disappeared. About a month ago, people discovered her body in a lake.
2-
The day they found her, my older brother fell and ended up in a coma. A week later, he died.
3-
My cousin moved in with us a few days after that, and he sexually abuses me.
4-
My only access to a computer is the library, which makes keeping up my grades difficult.
5-
I am forced to watch my father beat my younger sister, leaving no serious marks, and strangle her until she passes out.
6-
If I try to stop him, it is my turn.
7-
Every other Saturday, my father ties me to a chair in the basement and forces drugs into my system so I will give him my paycheck. That way, he can buy more drugs and fuel the addiction he hides so well.
8-
Two weeks ago, I witnessed a murder. Now, I cannot walk through certain parts of town in broad daylight for fear that I will be the next victim.
9-
Last night, I found out I am pregnant.
10-
My four best friends are about to kill themselves.

I set the notebook on the side of the boat and place the pen back in my pocket. They all stare at me, most likely because I did not draw an X.
Sandra is the one to reach for the notebook. She begins to read. Mitchell is next to look at the page and decipher the words. Vince and then Tammy follow their lead.
I retrieve a water bottle and drink some in an effort to calm my nerves. These four are the first to know most of that, but I had to start somewhere. Replacing the water bottle, I watch them.
Sandra looks up and stares at me in wonder. Vince and Mitchell look towards me, but do not meet my gaze. Tammy bites her lip, eyes uncertain.
They all know I am not lying. I have never lied to them before, just as they have never lied to me.
I take the notebook and close it. “Tomorrow, I’m going to the police. You’re welcome to come.” I squat down and put the notebook in my backpack. I zip the backpack shut. “You can always fight, you know. There is always a solution or a way to make it through hardships.” I shake my head. “None of you should be beaten by the evils you’re bombarded with. You are strong, so strong.”
I stand, shoulder the backpack, and meet each of their gazes. “You can stay here and end it all by opting for death.” I pause and look up at the stars. I take a deep breath and turn my eyes back to them. “Or you can come with me, and we’ll find a way. We’ll opt for life.”
I use the slide to reach the ground. My feet crunch faintly on the mulch as I start my familiar journey to a house that is not my home.
I cannot help but smile as one by one they follow.


The author's comments:
I submitted this because my semi-second mother said I should. In addition, I enjoy the message it sends.

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 40 comments.


on Aug. 31 2010 at 11:55 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks for the feedback =)

Riki-Mo GOLD said...
on Aug. 31 2010 at 10:11 am
Riki-Mo GOLD, Manassas, Virginia
16 articles 0 photos 23 comments
I love how each of your characters are so real and unique!  I think great characters like yours can really make a story, well, great.  Like this one :)  Your writing's really good, and you have really original ideas.  Good job!

Amiee said...
on Aug. 31 2010 at 10:02 am

this is so fabulous.

it's totally unexpected and surprises you, the flow is the great too :)


on Aug. 30 2010 at 7:45 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thank you =) I love the feedback!

on Aug. 29 2010 at 10:13 pm
SamiLynn PLATINUM, Anthem, Arizona
20 articles 9 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The unexamined life is not worth living." ~Socrates

Wow, this was amazing. I love realistic fiction like this, dark but not completely bad you know? Some hope at the end? I like the list- it breaks up the paragraphs and it's so essential to the point of the story (with the lack of the X and whatnot). And I love how you developed the characters extremely well without much space :) Excellent!

on Aug. 23 2010 at 8:51 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

I'll be glad to =) i have three things submitted that I'm waiting to be put on at the moment...I'll comment here when they're up for you. Thanks!

on Aug. 23 2010 at 7:39 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 430 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

I. Loved. This! This was so good, it was pure and it didn't sound like any other story I would read. It amazed me that she was the only one who had 10 reasons yet the others were the ones who wanted to kill themselves. You better keep writing, because I could see you going far with a writing career! Please keep me posted on your new writings! :D

on Aug. 23 2010 at 1:25 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thank you so much =D

on Aug. 23 2010 at 11:35 am
mudpuppy BRONZE, Orangeburg, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 475 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a box of cheese and flower petal sometimes it's soft and sweet, sometimes it just plain stinks. - M.J.

This is dripping with emotion and realism! You have a real talent! :)

on Aug. 23 2010 at 7:32 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks =) I didn't name the characters and describe them at the same time because Abby knows them...so since it's in her point of view, she wouldn't automatically think of the names. I was hoping that people would get that since there are two boys and two girls, and the first two to speak are a girl and a boy, and then the second boy says "Tammy and Mitchell are right" which names those characters...so the other boy and girl have to be the only two left. At least that was my logic^^

As for why they ended it, I don't even know...I mean, Abby doesn't know until she looks at the notebook, which she doesn't do until after the story, so the reader never finds out...plus, it makes it mysterious and adds a sense of reality...because Abby doesn't know.

Thanks for your feedback =)


on Aug. 23 2010 at 7:27 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks =) and don't worry...I won't ever stop xD

on Aug. 22 2010 at 6:36 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

This was great.  It was so real and convincing.  I loved how you saved everyone in the end, but you did it slyly enought to make it not sound sugar-coated.

 

I got pretty confused about who was who becasue you didn't intoduse the names of the characters at the same time you described them.

I also want to know the reasons why all the other people wanted to end it.


AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 22 2010 at 5:49 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 606 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Oh. My. Gosh.  This was amazing!  I don't even know what to say!  Do the world a favor and never stop writing. :) Best wishes! ~AsIAm

on Aug. 22 2010 at 5:34 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thank you so much xD

Whylime said...
on Aug. 22 2010 at 4:44 pm
Whylime, Brentwood, Tennessee
0 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grief is the price we pay for love -- Queen Elizabeth ll<br /> Don&#039;t go there, I&#039;ll only follow -- ??? <br /> Why is a raven like a writing desk? -- The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland<br /> Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most -- Willy W.

the last line is without a doubt my favorite! I'm favoriting this! That's how much I love it!

on Aug. 21 2010 at 10:30 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks xD Your opinion is really appreciated

on Aug. 21 2010 at 10:24 am
Seelix PLATINUM, Chandler, Arizona
20 articles 3 photos 72 comments
That was incredible! Your writing is wonderful and the story was excellent! I loved how you defined the characters at the beginning, but not their problems at the end.

on Aug. 19 2010 at 11:13 pm
Irene_Adler BRONZE, Holland, Michigan
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Jules, you know honey... this isn&#039;t real. You know what this is? It&#039;s St. Elmo&#039;s fire.&quot;

I'm in complete, utter agreement with gymbabe--that piece is beautiful. The fact that she goes through all that, that which seems to be the hell of all hells... and she still convinces all four of them not to go through with it. I have this sudden, deep admiration for this character, this person who is so much stronger than I ever could be.

In short, that was crazy amazing.


on Aug. 18 2010 at 11:28 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thank you =)

on Aug. 17 2010 at 4:43 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker<br /> We cannot change the cards we&#039;re dealt just how we play the hand<br /> Experience is what you get when you didn&#039;t get what you wanted<br /> It&#039;s pretty easy to be smart when you&#039;re parroting smart people<br /> -Randy Pausch

That was absolutely undeniably beautiful.  The message itself is beautiful enough, but it was extremely descriptive and well-written, the character has a very clear voice, and your word choice is very creative. Excellent job.