I know he loves me. He’s loved me for 3 years now. He thinks I don’t know, but I do. I see the way his eyes light up every time he talks to me. I see the way he smiles every time I hug him. He’s one of my closest friends, so we meet nearly everyday, talk to each other on the phone every night before sleeping. He thinks it’s his secret, he thinks nobody but his best friend knows. But I do. All my friends do. Nobody tells him, because they think I don’t feel that way about him and they don’t want to hurt him. But I do love him.

I’ve loved him for years. He’s the only person who can handle me when I’m upset. He’s the only one who can make me smile for no reason at all. He broke through all the walls I put up around myself. He’s good friends with my brother, and knows my parents. He’s not perfect, not by a long shot. He doesn’t get good grades and he’s terrible at sports. He breaks his glasses so often, I have to stick them together with duct tape for him. But all his imperfections come together to create the most magical type of perfection. The kind that makes my heart race and makes me listen to mushy love songs at night. The kind that makes me read all those romance novels and dress up a little better every morning.

I love him and he loves me. The perfect formula for a happy relationship, isn’t it? It’s not that simple. I can’t be with him. It’s hard, but I don’t have a choice. Life’s hard, and this is one of the sacrifices I have to make. So I have to pretend my heart doesn’t beat so much faster when I see him, and when I hug him goodbye, I have to force myself to let go of him, because I can’t let him notice. I can’t let anyone realize how much I love him. I show him other girls, prettier girls who like him, and try to convince him to ask them out, but he always refuses. I know it’s because he doesn’t want anyone but me, and that’s what makes this so goddamned hard, because all I want to do is see him happy.