Are you freaking kidding me?

Nooo. I don’t want to exist. You can’t make me. I won’t do it. I won’t.
7 o’ clock in the morning. Having to cram all the homework, the homework I just could not do last night, here, on my desk, in that classroom, before first period. This work, then more, then more, and more, it never stops, never ever stops. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I do any of this anymore? Why is life so complicated?
Life, like a ferris wheel. One moment you’re on top of the world, all happiness and ready to go, and then the next moment you’re back down in hell again, down, up, down again. I think mine’s stuck. It won’t go up. The ferris wheel. The d*** ferris wheel.

Oh no, oh God no, don’t tell me I left it at home. “I’m checking them first thing in the morning.” The memory of the teacher’s flat voice, ringing in my mind. No, no, no, I can’t do this. It’s too much. It’s just a stupid piece of paper. It doesn’t matter. I won’t cry over a piece of paper. But that’s it. Too much, too much going on, in my head, writhing in my mind, I can’t keep up. I want to break down, break down right now, break down and sob, but, s*** I can’t do that. I’m at school. Where would I go? I can’t go anywhere. And people would see. Then come the questions. No questions. If I get the questions I will scream.
Oh crap, no, someone’s coming. Pretend like you’re normal. Pretend like your life is not messed up right now. Deep breath. Calm. Peace. You can do this. You can.
No. I can’t do it.
But you have to. Just keep wearing the mask. Pretend like you’re not going to break down any moment. Everything's dandy. No feeling. Nothing. The mask. The mask that you always wear. Put that empty smile on. No one would notice. Your eyes show nothing. That tear never rolled down your cheek. It did not sting. It never existed. The. Mask. Keep wearing the mask.

Just keep wearing the mask.