Chapter 2: Deception

I awoke to my cell phone going off I looked at the name-it was my mother. Does she call at all hours in the day?

"God ...Hello?"

The staticky voice of my mother seeped through the phone.

“Are you still asleep? Get up You can’t sleep through the whole day you lump.” She chuckled.

“Would you mind helping me today? I‘ve got some shopping to do but you know I can never carry all those bags."

"Yeah sure. I will be over there in 30 minutes I guess."

I said with no inspiration in my voice. I got up and walked into the bathroom. I Turned on the shower letting the steaming water hit my back and soak through my hair. After the searing headache I had I needed to just clear my head. and got a shower about and got dressed. Grabbing my keys off the counter I glanced over at the mess I’d left lying in the kitchen and walked out locking the door behind me.

I arrived in front of my mothers house, a small decrypt little house about 10 minutes away from mine. I was 15 minutes late yet she was still waiting out side for me smiling.

“Well good morning”

She said walking over to me to kissing my cheeks me and giving me a hug.

“Good morning mom, how are you today?”

“Lovely dear. Shall we be on our way?"

"After you mom.” I said with a smile on my face. She hopped into the drivers seat and I revved up the engine.

“This will be fun.”

We drove for awhile until I finally noticed we weren't going to the store. The stores and malls flitted by as more and more trees appeared outside my window instead.

"Why are we going to her?" I asked her with my voice monotone, dead.

"Because Josh you haven’t seen her in awhile and Sarah misses you."

"Well mom that is the point of a divorce."

"DARN IT JOSHUA, JUST GO SEE THEM! THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY!”

She yelled at me and the sound created the silence that fell between us the rest of the ride.

“…Wrong mom. They were my family.”

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We pulled up to Ashley's house and I saw her car in the driveway. As soon as we pulled up, my little girl came out running to the car. She was 7 years old long with brown hair that was in a pony tail. She was certainly her mothers spitting image. If I couldn’t thank God for anything else in the world it was that she had taken after her mother. I didn’t taint any of her features, the only indication that she was mine at all was the birthmark on her ear. She looked up at me with her beautiful brown eyes that could make you cry if they were crying.

"Daddy!"

"Sweet heart!”

I yelled back, picking her up and swinging her up into the air in a big circle. From the corner of my eyes I saw her mother walking across the lawn. She was about 5'6 with chocolate brown eyes, long brunette locks, and a great looking body.

"I missed you so much daddy!”

Little Sarah beamed up at me her little eyes twinkling. It nearly broke my heart.

"I missed you too."

Ashley walked over to us the obvious trudge in her every step. She was less than thrilled at my appearance.

“Well look what the cat dragged in.”

I put Sarah on the ground and said to her, “Go inside with your grandmother, me and mommy need to talk.”

She took her grandmothers hand and skipped into the house gleefully humming Miss Mary Mack to herself. I watched her dance away until she disappeared inside the house and her mother replaced her. The way her eyes glared daggers was less then comforting.

"Well how have you been Ash?"

“Me? Fine, seeing your sorry face is no treat I promise you that.”

She placed her hands from her hips to her chest, and tilted to one hip to the side nodding her head towards the house behind her.

“Your daughter though-not so hot.”

Her haughty smirk fell to a dead end frown.

“Are you just trying to stay out of her life? I mean, it is pretty bad when I have to get your mother to trick you into coming.”

The trigger was set and my mouth went off like cannon fire.

"Look Ash, in case you forgot, I’ve been working my sorry A** off to earn money for child support!”

"Well it would be nice to hear from you every once in awhile- and don’t act like this is my fault because you were the one that made that decision to get the divorce. You should of known I would get custody.”

"Whatever Ashley.”

I walked past her and into the house. The last thing I wanted was to listen to her bicker- that what the divorce had been for after all, so I wouldn’t have to hear her.

I spotted Sarah sitting on the kitchen table a box of crayons scattered over it as she squiggled imaginary planes and jungles. She ran up to me handing me her finished work of art, I red zigzagged line meshed in with blobs of brown and purple. Two little stick figures stood holding hands in the corner of the page holding hands.

“Look daddy! Look what I drew its us!”

“Its beautiful. Just like you sweetheart.”

I poked her nose and she giggled. I like the way she giggled, it was pretty- musical in my ears.

"Hey sweet heart," I grinned seeing her missing front tooth.

“How about we go out for some ice-cream?”

"Yeah!" She shrieked in joy.

I grabbed her hand and my mother's keys to her blue Van. Sarah clamored up front, a foot wide smile on her little face.

“Buckle up.”

Backing out of the driveway I saw the sour looking face that Ashley wore, and I peeled out even faster than I intended to. I drove going too fast, fifteen miles above the speed limit, venting my steam.

“Daddy?”

I looked down at my little girl sitting in the seat twiddling her thumbs. Sarah always did that when she was nervous.

“What’s wrong daddy?”

The worried look on her face was more than enough to make me want to pretend to brighten my spirits. The hurt in those little blue eyes was just sinful. I slowed the car to 30 miles an hour.

“Nothing sweetie, we’ll get a huge banana split how does that sound?”

Another delighted cry came from my little Sarah. After going through the Dairy queen drive through we brought our ice-cream and sat in the sand on the beach. Staring out at the waves I thought about what it would be like if it was just the two of us. Just me and Sarah.

Popping in my earphones I played the song “Disenchanted” by My Chemical Romance and watched as my little Sarah built her sandcastles and laughed when the wind whipped her hair backwards. I smiled when she threw the sand up in the air without a care in the world. I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. She smiled and lay her head on my knee.
“I love you Daddy.”

I gently patted her hair and rubbed my fingers on the small of her back lulling her to sleep.

“I love you too Sarah…Love you too.”

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I carried my baby girl in my arms gently, like a porcelain doll and lay her in her tiny bed. I tucked her in and flicked on her nightlight.

“Goodnight Sarah.”

I was at the doorway when I heard her little voice call me.

“Daddy?”

I immediately went back to her bedside and knelt down to her face again.

“Daddy will you give me your special kiss again daddy? Like before- you remember?”

I brushed back the hair from her face and smiled.

“Of course sweetheart.”

I kissed her forehead.

“North…”

I kissed her left cheek, then her right.

“East…West.”

I gave her a kiss on her nose.

“South.”

I gave her a tight hug and whispered into her ear.

“I love you all over the map Sarah.”

“Thank you daddy…”

She closed her little eyes and she was fast asleep.
Carefully and quietly I crept out of the room. I looked at her from the crack of the door before shutting it and walking down the hall. At the doorway I ran into her mother sitting at the dining room table with a cup of tea in her hands.

"Well how did it go?"

“Well I’d say it went fine, but what does it matter to you?"

"You know Josh I wish you would stop being such an a** hole."

"If it bothers you so much, why don’t you just pack up and leave like you did last time?”

She opened her mouth to say something then shut it. Silence fell between us and I opened the door to leave.

“Night Ash.”

I drove home in Truck “Never let this go” by Paramore playing dully from my speakers. I sang along to the lyrics letting them drown me.

'Maybe if my heart stops beating, it won’t hurt this much. And never, will I ever have to answer again to anyone…I don‘t wanna be alone…one day you’ll get sick of saying its alright…and by then, I‘m sure I‘ll be pretending just like I am tonight…'

“Another great day in my life.”