Now I’m sitting here pondering, waiting for you to finally make up your mind. I’m realizing that you may never make up your mind, you might just go on in denial. Leaving me waiting in this ruthless world searching for my only hope, if its still there. All I need is a moment of clarity, of pure brilliance and beauty to let me know, you can move on, you can live life. Despite my despair I can live life again, I can move on knowing that everything for once might just be alright. George Eliot once wrote: “There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and healed, to have despaired and have recovered hope."


But when you hit rock bottom or go to close the edge, how do you climb back up? Is there even a way to climb back up? When you hit rock bottom it leaves you with a bare, deserted feeling in you, feeling like nothing can fill that space again. Nothing matters anymore life, family, love it goes down the drain and just leaves you feeling bare. The worst part is you cant do anything about it, nobody can no matter how hard they try, only you can fix yourself. And you only can when you finally feel that your heats beating, that’s you can stand up and function because there’s something to look forward to. Because there always is, because your hearts always beating but it takes a while to feel it, to feel the pulsing, rhythmic beat of blood pumping to your heart. Tragedy comes sometimes way to often, and you grow weary from it, then it just because your automatic feeling, nothing. You just get so use to people leaving and disappointment that is all your every except from people, disappointment. And if one day you feel something that is out of the ordinary or a feeling unknown, a flushed, tingle kind of feeling. Its probably because for once in a long time your actually happy, absolute happiness it feels liberating , like a weight is being lifted of your shoulder.