I didn’t want him to see me like this. I was supposed to be the one to help him, after all. Being there for him since his 11th birthday, when all he needed was one friend. And that's what I was for him. For 12 years, I did nothing but hang out with him, and wait for him to come home. I would always be in a good mood for him. That’s what I’m trying to do now. Waiting for him to come home so we can do what we always do. Listen to his favorite records and lay together, not fretting about anything else for those long moments.  Maybe he won't notice that I'm not able to act the way I did before. But I feel so nauseous I don't think I can keep it in for much longer. I would do anything to make him happy, though, so I am trying my best.

I don't notice when he gets home until I hear his bag drop to the floor. I must have fallen asleep. That’s not like me. I always wait for him. Jumping at his feet. When I woke up, I saw that I threw up all over our bed. He must be so worried about me. I’m supposed to be the reason he calms down, not the cause of his distress. A second after I’ve woken up I already feel him comforting me. It should make me feel better, taking away part of the agony I was feeling without him here, but all I can think about is how he shouldn’t have to go through this.

I heard him talking on the phone a couple of weeks ago, about me being sick. He sounded so upset. So I decided to try my best not to let him see my suffering. And it did work for what seemed like it could be forever. No matter how much aching I was going through, his happiness was what mattered. When his friends came over, he even told them how much better I was doing. Just the satisfaction of knowing he was happier made the pain ease up. But today was different. I couldn't get up. When he left for work, he assumed I was tired and thought nothing of it. But seeing me still in the same place, after being sick for the first time since I accidentally ate one of his action figures when we first moved into his apartment 2 years ago, he must have been petrified. 

I don't remember anything between that moment and when we arrived to the cold vet’s office. He was bouncing his leg the entire time we were there, not making it a comfortable wait. When we finally got called, after what felt like ages, It didn't take him more than a split second to get up and rush over. But all this movement caused me to feel more sick, and I threw up right when we got in his office. I didn’t feel like myself. I would never want to do this to him. But I sit and wait for the vet to make a diagnosis, for him to tell us I’ll be okay.

And then I see the tears dripping down his face.

He says I’m going to be put down in three days. Three days left for me to be with my favorite person. Three days left for him to have me. When we get home, he doesn't put on any record. I just sit there on his lap in silence.  After about an hour, he gets up and pulls out a photo book. It’s labeled “Dan & Rockie.” He lifts me up onto his lap, and opens the book. The first photograph is one from the first day we met. He has his birthday hat on and the biggest smile across his face. And there I am, about to jump onto his lap. I was so excited to have an owner, after being at the shelter for two years. 

That day changed my life. Everyday since then I’ve been nothing but content and carefree. As long as I knew Dan would be there for me, what did I have to worry about? Going through life with him was more than anyone could ask for. He’s the most loving person anyone could ask for, and now I have to leave him. I know he’ll be okay, but I’m afraid he won't realize how much he did for me. He gave me a life that compares to no other.  One that I’m looking back on now and appreciating every great moment he created for me. One that I have no regrets about. And for that I will never forget him, the greatest man who has ever entered my life.