“And with a 38.36, first place, Ellie Pilotte from Planet Gymnastics!” I walk up to get my medal, and stand on the podium, smiling. I watch as the other girls who placed walk up, and they collect their medals too. We hug each other, and I go back to where my team is sitting. I get high fives, and congratulations from my teammates, as this is my first time getting first place at a competition. I even get to take home a trophy, for placing first. It feels heavy in my arms, as I just spent a couple hours doing routines. We take a team picture, with all of our medals. 

The next day, I’m back at the gym for practice. I’m putting on my shin sleeves, since I have shin splints. We do our typical gymnastics practice, preparing for another meet this weekend. I walked out of the gym with a smile, and my head held high. I think that I’m going to do really well this weekend. We get 2 practices off for rest before this weekend, so this is my last practice before the meet. The week seems to go by fast, and before I know it, it's meet day. I pack my bag with all the things I need for a competition; grips, shin sleeves, nail polish remover (in case someone forgets to take their nail polish off), hair ties, etc. We start on bars. 

“I’m feeling good about this competition, what about you?” I ask one of my best friends on the team, Hannah. She also thinks it’s going to go well. We come to the final event, vault. My shins are hurting a little bit, but that's typical for me. During warm ups, the springboard feels a little off. It hurts more than usual when I hit it, before going over the vault table. I shake it off, knowing that in different gyms, they have different equipment. I salute and get ready to take my turn. My first vault is pretty good! My shins hurt when I hit the springboard, but I stuck my landing which I’m really proud of. It seemed like as long as I did a decent second vault, I would get a really good score. I can hear my teammates cheering me on as I begin to run down the runway. But suddenly, something goes wrong when I hit the board with a thwack. All of a sudden a sharp pain shoots down my shins. When I go to stick my landing, I fall, not being able to land on my feet, because of the pain in my shins. My coach must see the look of pain on my face, because she comes running over. I try to stand and salute, but I cannot stand up. I fall back onto the mat, now crying as the pain and fear sets in. Madeline signals that we need medical aid. They decide that calling an ambulance will be the best way to get me the medical help I need. At this point I am crying hard, realizing that this is serious. My teammates come running over, and my family is next to me in an instant. The medical aid explains to my coach and parents that he thinks I’ve fractured my shins, based on where the pain is, and my ongoing shin splints. He says that it is possible that I have stress fractured my right shin, but he is pretty sure I fully fractured my left.
I rode to the hospital with my mom, and Madeline, who insisted that coming with me was the best choice. She left the team with the assistant coach. Once I am there, they get me to a hospital room, where my family gathers. The doctor confirms that I have fractured both of my shins. After the x-ray, he comes in with a tight look on his face. 

“I have some bad news…” We anticipate what he is about to say. “You are going to need surgery. It is a fairly simple surgery, where we will place rods in your shins, to help stabilize them. Then you will need to recover for a while, and the whole process will take about 6-9 months.” Tears start to build in my eyes again, because well, who would be happy with that news? My coach squeezes my hand, and my mothers continues to talk to the doctor. I stop listening, as I’m imagining what my recovery will be like. No gymnastics for 9 months? How will I be able to do that? I sit in silence, and listen to my phone buzzing next to me. I’m assuming my teammates are done with the competition, and are texting me. I’m too worn out to check right now. My mom comes back to where I am sitting, and she tells me what she discussed with the doctor. 

“They are thinking of doing surgery as soon as possible. So you are going to stay overnight in the hospital, and then go into surgery tomorrow morning. You can have something to eat now, but then you need to fast since you will be going under anesthesia”. I am only half listening as my mother talks, because my mind is somewhere totally different, thinking about how I am going to survive these next couple months. The doctors push me into a less temporary room, and my family goes home to pack me a bag with all the things I need. I finally have the energy to check my phone, and I have 50 messages. After I reply to my texts, I can’t help but look up shin fractures and scroll through stories about others who have had this injury. This doesn’t make me feel any better though, so I put my phone down and close my eyes, but all I see is my injury, playing over and over in my mind.  

The next couple days are a blur. I am pushed into surgery and when I wake up, I feel groggy and tired from the anesthesia. I sleep on and off for a day, and I don’t fully wake up until I hear voices around me. I open my eyes to see my teammates surrounding my hospital bed. Every single one of them has come to visit me! Madeline is standing there too, and when she sees that I am awake, she smiles. I immediately sit up, and run my fingers through my hair. I cannot imagine what I look like right now. But no one seems to care, as they gather around my bed, asking questions. Mckayla asks me if she can see my shins. That's actually a really good point, I haven’t even thought to look at my shins, and how beat up they must look. I tell her I haven’t looked, and I call my mom over to help me. She pulls off the blanket and I groan. My shins are bandaged up, but I can see some bruising. I try to wiggle my toes, but I must still be on a lot of pain medication, because I can’t feel anything. Then I look at myself and realize I am in a hospital gown. 

“Mom, can I change? I don’t like this gown. Do you have some comfy PJs I can wear?” I also ask to use the restroom, but mom says I will do that after my friends leave, as the nurse has to help me. Everyone eventually trickles out, and I hug them from my bed, as I say goodbye. They leave me with balloons and stuffed animals, but my favorite is the big card that the whole gym signed and wrote little letters on. Even the little gymnasts signed their names, which really makes me smile. Finally, a nurse comes in. She tells me that I have to use a special wheelchair, and then she and my mom will lift me to the toilet. Apparently I won’t be able to walk for a couple weeks. When I finally can walk, it will take a lot of time before I will be able to run, and tumble. 

I hobble into gymnastics practice, and sit down. It's 5 months later, and I am still recovering from my injury. I still like to come to practice, even though I won’t be able to do any events. I take out my resistance band, and start doing some of the shin exercises that my physical therapist has given me. As I watch everyone warm up, I chat with the coaches, and some of my friends. One of the younger gymnasts walks up to me and asks a question. 

“How long until you can do gymnastics again?” Charlotte asks in a shy voice. 

“Well, I’ve been off gymnastics for about 5 months, so I just need to get the clearance from my doctor and then I can slowly come back into gymnastics,” I reply. Charlotte nods and walks back to her line to continue warming up. I look up and smile at Madeline, who is so excited for me to be able to do gymnastics again. It has been 5 months since my injury, and I am ready to get back. I have to ice my shins, and wear shin sleeves when I walk. I have a doctor's appointment next month, and I might be able to get cleared to begin slowly coming back into gymnastics soon. I cannot wait any longer. I have watched so many people get new skills, work on routines, and I am stuck sitting and watching. Usually I condition, so I can at least be strong and stay in shape. I have spent a lot of time at home, doing school work and watching tv, since I don’t have gymnastics or any other activities.

Finally a month goes by and it is a day before my appointment. I lay in bed, not able to sleep. Will I be able to get cleared for gymnastics? If not, how much longer will it be until I can go back? My brain will not shut off, and I don’t get a very good night’s sleep. When my alarm starts blaring the next morning, I hit snooze with a groan. I just need five more minutes! My mom rushes into my room and opens my curtains. 

“Ellie what are you doing? Hurry and get ready, you're going to be late!” She exclaims. I look at my clock and realize that I hit snooze twice, and now I only have 10 minutes before we have to leave. My mom goes downstairs to make breakfast for me to eat in the car, and I get dressed. My doctor is 30 minutes away, and my appointment is at 8. It is 7:25 right now. It is also a Saturday, so I really do not feel like being awake this early. When I walk downstairs, I remember that today I am finding out whether I can go back to gymnastics or not! I grab my breakfast and hop in the car. I am trying to be as positive as possible, so I play my pump up playlist on Spotify. We sit in the waiting room, as the doctor isn’t ready for us yet. I am playing with my hair, and fidgeting with my phone, putting the case on and off, over and over, tossing it back and forth in my hands. After what feels like forever, the doctor calls my name. 

“So Ellie, your progress looks great, and you have been cleared to go back to gymnastics!” he says. “But you will not be able to tumble, or do anything that lands on your shins. No dismounts, or landing hard.” I stopped listening. I can only think about gymnastics! I thought I would have to quit, but finally I am able to start again. 

I walk into gymnastics, this time wearing my leotard and shorts. My hair is pulled back into a bun, with lots of hairspray because thick hair does not like to be put up. When my best friend on the team, Scarlett, sees me in my leotard she comes running over. 

“Oh my gosh, did you get cleared??” She yells a little too loudly. When I nod, she jumps up and down, and squeals. Now a crowd of people have joined, asking questions and telling me how happy they are that I can do gymnastics again. When we walk onto the floor and start to warm up, I make sure not to do anything the doctor told me I couldn’t do. It feels so good to be back into my normal routine, even if it isn’t completely normal yet. When we get to handsprings, I have to ask my coach to come spot me. I ask her to do this for two reasons, one; I haven’t been in gymnastics for a while, and two, I need her to take the pressure off when I land. Thankfully, my shins feel fine. After warm up, we go to the floor. The doctor told me I cannot tumble yet, so I sit off to the side and ice my shins. When it is my turn to do my floor routine, I walk across instead of tumbling, but it still feels so good to do a routine again. I solute big, and smile as I walk off. 

“I’m so glad I remembered it!” I say. Once the music came on, my body knew what to do. We head to bars next, and I get a little worried. I know this is an event I used to be really good at, but I haven’t even touched a bar in 6 months. As I grip up and get ready to try, my coach stands close, ready to catch me if I were to fall. It is really important I don’t land on my shins. I kip up and begin my routine. Everything goes pretty smoothly, except for my cast handstand. I almost hit the handstand but I fell out, Madeline catching me before my feet hit the ground. 

“Wow! That was a great routine. I’m so impressed your body remembers all these skills. Do you want to try the handstand again? I’ll spot you.” I immediately get back up on the bar, determined to get my skills back as quickly as I can. This time, I hit the handstand and finished my routine by slowly lowering myself to the ground. I highfive my teammates and go get some water. I am proud of myself, I didn’t think I would be able to do that on my first day back. As we go through other events, I am able to do some low impact things, but I mostly still sit and watch. At the end of practice, my coach pulls me off to the side. 

“So, we have a competition next week. Did the doctor tell you that you could compete?” Madeline asks. I tell her that I am able to compete, but I will need to find a way not to hurt my shins doing so. She explains that I will probably not score high, because we will need to alter my routine. We decided that I will compete in bars, and beam. If I am cleared to land on my shins again, I will try floor and maybe vault. As I pack up for the day, I cannot get the smile off my face, knowing that in no time, I will be back to my normal self. I have another doctor appointment tomorrow, and I really want to see if I can land on my shins again. I am almost jumping up and down, I have so much energy. 

At the appointment, the doctor told me I can slowly start landing on my shins. He said because I did so many exercises before my injury, and I did all of my physical therapy after, I am healing really fast. I started doing routines, and I decided that I can land on my shins for my bars dismount since the mat is pretty soft. I do a flyaway off of bars, which is when you swing, and do a flip. That doesn’t seem to hurt my shins at all which gives me hope that I will be able to do floor and vault again. With my first competition since coming back in a week, I came up with an idea to compete in vault. I walk over to my coach, eager to tell her my idea. 

“Hey Madeline! You know how right now I vault with a super soft mat so I don’t hurt my shins when I land? Well what if we ask permission to add an extra soft mat? Like how we have to get a pass when we wear certain braces and stuff?” I think my idea could truly work. Madeline likes it too, so we plan to talk to the judges at the upcoming meet. Until then, I work on making sure all my routines are almost perfect.

 When competition day comes around, I am bouncing in my seat. After warming up, we have some time before routines start. All of a sudden I run to the bathroom. I throw up all of my breakfast. Scarlett, my friend comes running in after me. 

“Oh no Ellie, are you okay?” She looks worried. I feel so much better though. I wash my hands, and put some cold water on my face. Luckily I was wearing my backpack, and I dropped it when I ran in. I grab my makeup and touch up my face, so I don’t look too pale. Scarlett still looks worried, but I promise her I’m okay. I was really worried, and my anxiety usually makes my stomach hurt. I walk back out with Scarlett, and Madeline looks worried. I sit back down next to the floor, and I explain that I just threw up because I was really nervous about this meet. My teammates look worried. I promise them that I am okay now, and we get ready for floor. I will not be competing on the floor because I would have to land on my shins but I am excited to watch my teammates compete. Everyone does really well, and all of a sudden it is time for vault. We talked to the judges earlier, and showed them my doctor's note. They agreed that I could vault with the extra mat, but it would be a 1 tenth deduction off of my score. Now, I need to do a very very good vault in order to place. As I finish my warm up vault, I am nervous. I look over to my mom sitting in the audience. She smiles, knowing that I am going to be just fine. All I need is that reassuring smile, and I salute to the judges to show them that I am ready. I run towards the vault, and hit the springboard. I keep my arms by my ears and my legs straight. I block off the vault and twist, pulling my body around. Then I land the vault with a satisfying stick. It takes me a moment to realize what I’ve done. I stuck my landing? There are a hundred thoughts going through my brain. But I try not to show the judges and I salute with a smile. I run over to Madeline’s hug. 

“You did it!”

I did it.

“Ellie, you just competed your first vault since the injury!” As I wait for the judges to release my score, I smile. I don’t even care what I get, I’m just happy that I did it. The whole car ride here, I was thinking about all the things that could go wrong today. I could hurt my shins again, I could injure something else, the thoughts seemed never ending. Finally, the judges turned the board to show the score. My teammates start cheering, and I wonder what score I got. I look at the board. A 9.88! That's a personal best! I am smiling for the rest of the competition. I ended up placing first on vault, and 3rd overall. But the medals don’t matter. All I can think about as I walk up to the podium, is that I am finally back. It feels so good to be with my teammates, doing the sport that I have loved for so long. I know, at that moment, that I don’t ever want an injury to stop me from gymnastics, or doing what I love.