As soon as I walk in the door something feels off.

“I’m home!” I yell but get no answer. I make my way down the hall  to check on my sister. My nerves buzz like a swarm of bees--I know something isn’t right and my brain screams to stop. But I can’t. I need to know. I suck in a deep breath, place my palm gently on the doorknob, and brace myself.  

 My older sister lies on the floor, lifeless and pale. 

A whirring sound vibrates in my ears. My knees wobble. My mind jumps around from thought to thought without landing on anything solid. I don’t know what to feel.  this doesn’t seem real. 

It seemed like something had been off with her, but I never thought this would happen. 

I should’ve known. I should’ve known, I whisper over and over. 

My vision blurs and I realize I'm crying. My shaky hands fumble for the phone in my pocket, and my brain struggles to remember how to dial my mom.

It takes a few rings but she answers the phone. I hesitate for a second not knowing what to say but she hears my crying and asks what's wrong. I tell her what I see and she goes quiet, she tells me it will be okay. 

I’ve never felt as alone as I do in this moment. I lieon the floor next her and sob, a million thoughts going through my head. The worst part is we’ve talked about this before, she had told me she knew how she would do it but of course I just thought she was being dramatic. 

She wasn’t supposed to leave me like this.

It was us against the world.

I realize my mom must have called 911 when I hear paramedics coming up the stairs. They burst through the door abruptly, the noise and movement jarring. 

I don’t move. 

I don’t want to leave her side. 

Watching the paramedics attempt to help her was hard. 

I can tell she’s gone. 

I hear my mom bolt upstairs, her footsteps pounding each stair, matching the pounding of my heart. Not wanting her to see me like this, I quickly stand up. 

My mom walks in and gives me a giant hug, normally I’m not a fan of hugs but this time it made me feel a lot less alone.