I had spent the last week telling people how lucky I was, meeting her had taken away my only luck. But the atmosphere in the dressing room this afternoon was not as lively as I imagined. I was the ice that solidified the flame. The blues acted as the decoration of the room, with notes pulsing around, making me feel disturbed. A layer of sweat appeared on my palms, and I couldn’t remember how many times this was. I rubbed the corners of my black suit, trying to keep my fingers as dry as possible.

In the mirror, I was wearing a suit for the first time, which differentiated from my original style. The stylist cleaned up my cheeks, and it reminded me of when I was a kid, every time I hid the dirty laundry, the odds and ends of the toys into the closet before my mom opened the door. This was not me. The hair neatly ran to the back of the head, there was no exception. Against these facial features, the dark brown pupils appear even deeper. My hands refused to obey me, from time to time they were crossed over my chest.

The sun was setting, and a gust of evening wind took away the heat of the day. The last touch of the setting sun gently caressed the horizon. I coveted the sun because I was not ready for the night. As the light escaped into the mountains, the last ray of light on the brooch dissipated. I turned and walked back to the chapel to greet my dawn. The room was filled with a faint scent of roses, and some were decorating the flower wall and cutting off the withered leaves. Petals were scattered on the white marble floor, and balloons were held in the air.

I touched my nose, trying to keep my nervousness from creeping out of my cuff. The inner side of my left chest vibrated continuously, faster and faster. I couldn’t be calm. I hid behind the curtain, the priest spoke on stage. I tried to recall the schedule in my mind, guessing which sentence would join with my opening, and my mind was still blank when I had been pulled onto stage. The solemn bells echoed in the huge chapel, and the marble slabs accompanied the steps of the heel, covering the whispers. The white wedding dress swept through the petals and shaped her waist. The silk collar embellished with lace lined the graceful lines of the collarbone and neck, and the fingertip veil blocked her face. After the bell rang six times, she stopped and stood in front of me.

The priest began to read the prayer, and it was my turn to make a vow to my Mary Teresa with a diamond ring, like Maximilian. The ring felt the temperature of the fingers, and the time should have been frozen at the ring finger of the left hand.

“Will you take him to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, you promise to love and cherish him?”

“I do!” My nerves shivered by her words.

“Will you take her to be your wife…”

The voice gradually faded, replaced by the sound of the heart beating. My vision began to blur slowly, and my numb brain shredded the words in his mouth. It was the animals who lost the ability to think, and it was me who was timid and cowardly turned away. 

Like a fish back in the water, the dark hue gave me the right to breathe again. I knew that I didn’t dare to go back. I had to keep walking, but couldn’t stop looking back. The contrast between white and black made her very eye-catching as she ran in the rain. Veils and high-heeled shoes were left on the ground to be accompanied by flowers, and the wedding dress was smeared into paintings. She appeared in front of me for the second time. I was afraid to look directly into those eyes and turned my head away evasively. The hands were cold when they touched my cheek, the lips embraced each other, blooming in the night.

Raindrops messed up my hair and wet my dress, but I regained my sobriety in the baptism. Fuzziness was trapped in my mind, and she was profoundly deep in this reality.

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. According to God’s holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge thee my faith.” Voices trembled in the rain, but my eyes were full of certainty.

I wish you and I are a story that never ends.