The door closed behind Rachel Norman’s light, soft steps on another ordinary cloudy and moonless night. Rachel shivered from the cold November breeze as the wind chimes on the doorframe dinged behind her, just like yesterday. She bit on her dried lips and headed south, down the street, just like yesterday.  

Another ordinary day. Another ordinary walk of an ordinary girl.

She put on her headphones, felt the cold metal in her pocket and probed for the square curved with a triangle and pressed her finger against it as her favorite songs flooded all over her. She turned right on the corner and headed west.

Rachel liked November. She liked the cool air and the quiet nights. They made her feel like she’s something more than just herself. In the front yard of No.23, Maple Street, under the lamppost she passed a thousand times, a boy was playing his guitar. His gorgeous, deep blue ocean eyes looked carefully on his fingerboard.

His handsome cheek and gentle voice took her middle school memories back to her, when her heart pounded loudly and almost burst out her chest, when her face blushed red and almost burnt her head up. She remembered his sweet smile, he bending down to pick up her book with his thin, slender fingers. She remembered her listening to Taylor Swift’s “Superstar” and thinking about him with his beautiful smile in the dark, dark nights. 

Alex Adams was playing guitar in his front yard.

He was special. He was top of the class, class favorite, student body president, and basketball captain, but he was always kind and modest. He has got gorgeous blue eyes and perfectly combed brown hair, like the Disney stars everyone had a crush on. He even got an alliterative name.

He is the all-round superstar, while she is the ordinary girl with an ordinary face living in an ordinary house with an ordinary family. Her grades were average, her talents were ordinary, everything about her was ordinary.

Rachel eventually gave up on her first crush when they were in middle school.

Rachel stopped at the corner to listen to his beautiful voice. “Just for a moment,” she said to herself, “It’s not like I’m going to fall in love with him again or something.” She pressed against the pause button on her mp3 player. She wondered why she was seeing him here. Alex should be living up in the hills on the north side of the town, where the rich people live. The fact seeing him here made her heart miss a beat. 

I’ve broken the best thing that I ever had,

I’ve said too much to ever take it back.

Now that you’re gone, I should probably look forward after all,

But how could I, when I’m the straw that broke it all?

Alex’s voice was beautifully melancholy. Rachel remembered listening to him singing on the middle school talent show. He sparked on stage even when the spotlights were out. He smiled that beautiful smile, and all the girls in the front row screamed his name.

Rachel tried holding her breath as the memories flooded her and made her face burn like fireplaces on Christmas nights, but the boy raised his head from his guitar. Rachel felt her heart paused for a second.

“Hello,” the music stopped. She turned around to discover the boy smiling at her, with sweetness and warmth that could melt the whole town. However, she noticed a slight bitterness on his face, even if the sweetness was strong enough to cover the bitterness.

Rachel smiled back with awkwardness.

“Well it’s actually kinda awkward, since this song is not fully developed yet,” he smiled again with his heart melting smile, “Do you like it? Like, is it okay? I mean, I’m new to songwriting, so maybe you can give me some advice?”

Rachel smiled back and nodded. “I like it. It’s good,” she replied softly.

“I think we’ve met before. At school? You were Madison’s friend, weren’t you?” he asked and Rachel felt her heart miss another beat, “It’s Rachel, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” she smiled and tried to cover her blushing face, “You must be Alex. Are you new to the town?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah,” he beamed. “I used to live up there on the hills.”

The front door opened and a middle aged woman popped her head out, “It’s late, Alex,” she said with her voice shaking, “Don’t stay outside till so late.”

“But, Mom, It’s only like, eight…” he said.

“Come inside. It’s late,” she cut him off.

“But…”

“Stop playing that damn song with your damn guitar and come inside!” she yelled, her red puffy eyes stared at Rachel, then headed back into the house.

“Well, it’s nice meeting you, Rachel,” he turned around and made a wry smile, and Rachel could feel the heavy blue in his eyes.

“See you,” she replied softly and headed down the street again.

Her face was red like flames. Even after all these years, knowing that she would never be good enough for someone like him, talking to Alex took her back to thirteen.

She walked five minutes to finally calm herself down as she almost reached the end of Maple Street, but she still couldn’t get Alex’s deep blue eyes and sorrow smile out of her head.

She stopped as she reached Cornelia Street. It has been a long time since she last stopped here. For a long time, she forbade herself stopping here during everyday ordinary walks. She would rather take the long way home.

As she walked down Cornelia Street, she let the music and memories flooded her.

That winter was especially cold, when their warm hands held each other and walked down the hallway together. He and his gorgeous blue eyes and perfect brown hair, she and her attractive green eyes and wavy blonde hair, Alex and Madison made a great couple. Everyone would turn around to admire how they fit each other so perfectly, but they never seem to care about how others look at them, as if they were in their own little paradise.

“I mean, is it okay for you?” asked Madison, standing in front of her locker, looking worried.

“Of course. I mean, I gave up on him, like a thousand years ago,” said Rachel, trying to make her voice sound calm, “He’s like, totally out of my league.”

“I’m just feeling, like, guilty,” said Madison, “I mean, dating my best friend’s first crush, is it really okay?”

Rachel smiled and nodded, “You can date anyone you like, you know,” she said, “I have to go. I have to go, I’ll catch you later.” She headed down the hallway, trying to hide the teardrop dripping from the corner of her eye. 

She loved Madison. She did. They had been best friends since they were three, and their friendship never changed. Madison was a superstar. She starred in movies and tv series. Everyone in the world knows her name. Rachel knows how much Alex and Madison liked each other and how they fit each other flawlessly. “Come on, like, he doesn’t even know who you are,” she said to herself, “What are you expecting?”

Months and months went by, the couple still walked in the hallway with their hands tightly held. But things changed, and Rachel clearly remembered the look on Alex’s face on the rainy October Friday: his blue eyes covered with a misty gray, his dark circles and his puffy eyes, his face covered with dark clouds raining everywhere he passed.

Rachel remembered when she and Madison would meet at the park to climb up and down the rocket slide and talk about life, and literally everything. But that Friday Madison wasn’t waiting for her at the rocket slide. Her phone was dead, so she just waited, for hours and hours on the rocking horse, but no one showed up.

Even the sun abandoned her and went home. She finally got off the rocking horse and walked out the park, and found the empty house on No.25, Cornelia Street. She couldn’t believe how a house can be totally cleaned up in one day. She needed to call Madison. She must call her right away.

While she was looking around the house, she came across Stephanie, a freshman who Rachel used to go to the book club with. 

“Hi Rachel,” said Stephanie, with her face pale and her eyes dull, holding a bundle of rope in her right hand.

“Hey Stephanie,” replied Rachel, who then noticed her face white and lifeless, “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” she said, “I mean, no, I’m not, fine.”

“I always take walks in the park when I’m not fine. I mean, that works for me, I guess,” said Rachel, with her eyes filled with caring, “Or, you know, you can always talk to me if you want to,” she smiled, then suddenly realized she’s got something important to do, “I’ll love to talk to you, you know, but I’m afraid that I’ve got something urgent.”

“It’s okay, I’ll just go for a walk in the park,” she said, and headed toward the park.

“See you at school,” Rachel turned around and smiled, but she didn’t turn around to smile back.

Rachel called Madison right away when she got home. “Hey, where have you been? Your house was empty, like, what happened? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. I’m just moving,” Madison replied, her voice was flat and spiritless.

“Why such a rush? Is everything okay?”

“It’s none of your business, just, I’m leaving, okay?”

“What happened? What do you mean? You’re leaving?”

“Again, it’s none of your business. Don’t call me again, will you?”

“Wait, what about school and Alex and everything?”

“We broke up, and it’s still none of your business. Just don’t call me again,” she hung up the phone on the other side. Rachel couldn’t believe what just happened. She tried calling again about a thousand times, but no one answered.She spent the whole night crying on her bathroom floor. She never doubted herself so much.

Rachel reached the entrance of the park. The police blocked the whole place and the rocket slide was no longer standing in the middle of the playground.

Because the girl she let slip a month ago hung herself here.

Rachel remembered that weekend when her parents talked on the dining table solemnly. She wasn’t interested in anything they talked about. She wasn’t in the mood to be concerned about others’ problems.

But when she went to school that Monday with everyone clouded and gloomy, and saw the locker and empty seat covered with post-it notes and white roses, she realized what she had done and what she hadn’t.

For the last month, Rachel kept herself busy and hid herself in her studies and schoolwork. Running from herself was easier than she thought. 

Until now.

Tears kept coming out her eyes, she put her palms against her eyes and covered her face. She missed Stephanie for the first time. How badly she wants to go to the past, punch herself in the face and chase after the girl and tell her how much the world loved her. 

“In memory of Stephanie” Rachel carved on the big rock by the entrance with a sharp stone. She suddenly realized that she didn’t even remember her surname. She pressed her palm against her forehead.

Adams. Her name was Stephanie Adams.

Rachel dropped the stone on the ground and started running back, headed south and turned left when she reached Maple Street.

She stopped in front of No.23, Maple Street. Her heart was pounding loudly. She could see Alex singing and playing his guitar in his bedroom through the windows.

Life is full of crushes,

And you were always there for me,

When the whole world abandoned me,

But all I gave you was hate and pain, 

And I am, sorry,

Cuz life is full of crushes.

The music stopped and a woman broke into his bedroom and started yelling at him. “Stop playing that damn guitar RIGHT NOW,” she yelled furiously, “It’s painful enough living in this town, I don’t need another damn son to remind me about my failure.”

“I thought you said living here made you feel connected with her, didn’t you?” said Alex.

Rachel can’t hear clearly what the woman shouted next, but when she finally recovered from her surprise, she heard the glass cracked, and pieces of broken glass, wood, and metal strings landed on the ground right next to her feet.

She took a deep breath, and put her headphones on again.

She took the same way home, just like yesterday.

And there went another ordinary day.