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Can I hear your thoughts, please?
Imagine a world other than the Earth. There might be flying beasts and magical cars. Nonetheless, you will picture human characteristics. Invariably you will project human emotions and thoughts, though distorted. So, let us believe that our thoughts are what matters most and, in this spirit, perhaps dream a little…
Visualize a street on a rainy day: this is the ultimate weather for doubting your life's direction. A student with a face distorted by anxiety is passing on the sidewalk (though I guess further describing the student as anxious is redundant, everyone would already presume that). Suddenly, you hear the gray of the sky and see the antsy in the air. At some point, the thoughts of this person become audible. It's like a feeling shouting in your ears: "Maybe I should run. What’s the goal? Where do I find the Ultimate Purpose in life that will classify me as a success? I mean, what happens if I fall in a gap between complete failure and achiever. To be honest, I believe most people are in this gap. Judging from the parameters that I have (social media and movies, reliable ones, right), by the age of fifteen, I should already be giving a speech at a TED conference. Although being president of the student council and the computer science club leader would be acceptable as well. Maybe if I spent every second I have to spare in a way that I won’t regret tomorrow, as every motivational influencer says, I would be in these positions that I envy so much. Or maybe not, I can’t avoid the reasonable voice that says: there are 1.2 billion of these miserable over-thinkers called teenagers, such as myself, trying hard. Obviously, not every one of them will get to these specific goals considered enough. And, still, the impossibility and craziness of these high standards don’t change my perception. Within me, there is this persistent feeling that I should be changing, improving something that I am yet to recognize. Although my mom says I’m perfect just the way I am… she is not an unbiased judge, at all! And then, there is the question of whenever I should attempt to modify myself or the world. Oh, this reminds me of a strangely narrow-minded and beautiful comment that I heard from a coach-like person on the internet. It was concerning the inscrutable and well-known theme of changing the world (for better or worse remains unclear). The statement went by the lines of: the rational people adapt themselves to the world, the irrational ones try to adapt the world to them. Therefore, the irrationals are the ones who are going to change the world. This little agglomerate of words betrays every school-taught fiber of my being. Will I get a scholarship to university for not accepting to mold myself and being irrational by the world's standards? Should I exclude from the so said success the people who follow the most common path? Arghh, thinking about these things is supposed to at least give me a clue, right Mrs. School Counselor? Well, at the moment, I’m afraid I’m due to disappointing myself: I’m more lost now than in the beginning. Perhaps, I can conclude that talking to myself as though I truly am on a philosophical debate at a TED conference is as good an achievement as actually doing it. Possibly, I will just say that the only thing that I know to be right is to continuously and restlessly use this organ inside my cranial box to think. Or I will just long to know if this insufferable search for responses has ever come to an end at someone's head. And I suppose the only way to know would be to hear their thoughts. But that’s just impossible.”.
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I know it's almost "cringy" in the beginning... and I do apologize in advance for it. However, I truly hope this is somewhat relatable, and that reading an agglomerate of anxious thoughts helps you sort your own (a little).