Should I have gotten her involved? I thought to myself as I stared at the blue message on my phone: hey- it’s important. Meet me at our old place. The familiar worry was starting to set in. Will she even respond? I knew she was hurt, I hadn’t talked to her in weeks. I just couldn’t pretend everything was okay anymore. Especially not to Lauren.

Be right there. Letting out a sigh of relief, I leaned against the cold brick behind me. 

The brick was part of an old shed behind the town’s library. Abandoned for years, all that was left was four faded brick walls and a wooden roof speckled with holes. Two stumps, each covered in scribbles of writing and doodles, sat in the middle of the tiny room. I let the minutes pass as my mind drifted to old memories.

“Evan?” Lauren pushed through the tarp opening of the shed, and sat down on one of the stumps. “Is everything okay?” She had to pull her knees nearly all the way up to her chest just to sit on the stump. Her brunette curls were pulled into a messy bun keeping her hair out of her face, which was filled with an expression I couldn’t read. 

“Ya. Well, no. I need your help.” I tried my best to look calm, but my heart was racing a million miles an hour. 

“Wait. You ignore me for weeks, pretend I don’t exist, and NOW you need my help?!” Her expression turned hostile, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. 

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry, just please let me explain,” I pleaded. She sighed, and nodded at me to continue. 

“So, I don’t really know how to say this, but my mom’s an alcoholic. It’s gotten really bad the last few months. She’ll barely get out of bed, and if she does it’s just to get more alcohol,” I let the words tumble out of me, “The house hasn’t gotten properly cleaned in months. I’ve been buying the food, trying to take care of things until she gets better, but I don’t think she’s going to.” 

“Oh my god, Evan. I’m so sorry. How come you never told me?” She reached out and squeezed my hand. Any lingering anger was gone. “What can I do?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I can do,” I responded. 

“Okay. Let me talk to my parents. They’ve known you for years, and we have an extra bedroom. You can stay with us until you figure this out.” Seeing the reluctant look on my face, she continued, “We gotta get you out of there. Even if it’s just for a little bit. C’mon.”

Everything within me begged for me to say yes. I desperately needed a break. A break from the constant crying, the screaming phone calls, the stress of taking care of her. A little bit of time where I didn’t have to panic to hide her secret from family and friends. She’d be okay, right?

“Ok, ” I decided, “I’ve gotta get some of my stuff though. She’s probably asleep but we better go through the back to be sure.”

Lifting myself off the dirt, I pushed through the tarp barrier. The sun was out, but the chill of the wind prevented its warmth from reaching me. Shivering, we followed the familiar dirt path, and soon found ourselves at the end of an empty street. It was eerily silent, save for a few chirping birds and the distant bark of a dog.

It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes until we reached my house. It didn’t look any different from the ones around it, a small off-white rectangle. The shutters were drawn, obscuring the inside of the house from the world outside. 

Easily climbing over the chain-link fence into the backyard, I approached my window. The house was only one floor, and I was pretty tall. It wouldn’t be hard to get in. 

I shoved the window up and climbed through it. 

“Can you wait here? I’ll be quick,” I whispered to Lauren, who was standing on the outside of the window. She nodded, and I continued cautiously into the room.

Glancing around, I slung my backpack off my bedpost. I threw some of the loose laundry that I had left on my bed into it. Now this was the risky part. I needed to get the rest of my stuff without drawing the attention of my mom.  There was a pretty good chance that she was asleep, which would be the best way to leave unnoticed. 

Taking a deep breath and hoping for the best, I slowly pushed open the door into the hall. I winced as the door let out a loud groan. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my mom’s bedroom door. It was open, but the sleeping figure I expected to see wasn’t there.

I padded softly by the door and into the adjacent bathroom, I grabbed what I needed. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. She’s probably sleeping on the couch, nothing to worry about. Turning around, I went to head out.

“Oh my god!” I yelled, startled. Standing behind me was my mom, who had been watching the last minute of my proceedings in silence.

“Hey Mom, you scared me,” I lowered my voice after my initial shock. I couldn’t tell yet if she was sober, so I tried to play it safe.

“Where are you going?” she sharply asked me, her gaze pointed to my overflowing bag.

“I’m gonna go stay with a friend tonight, if that’s ok,” I said, which was kind of the truth.

She shook her head. Her facial expression showed that she’d seen straight through my lie.

“You’re leaving me, aren’t you?” Her incredulous words went straight to my heart.

I opened my mouth to deny the accusation, but I couldn’t bear to. “I can’t live with you anymore,” I bluntly told her, ducking my head.

I waited, dreading her response. A few seconds passed, and I glanced up to figure out why. For a few frozen moments, we stood in silence, looking at each other. She was dressed in a loose t-shirt and pajama pants. Her unbrushed hair fell to her shoulders. She looked docile enough, but I steeled myself for the explosion I knew was about to come. Instead, she just looked confused and hurt. Finally, she responded. 

“Evan, please. Give me another chance. I’ll...I’ll get better. Please, you’re the only one left. After all I’ve done for you, don’t leave me.” Her eyes filled with tears, and her voice trembled. She didn’t look like a raging drunk, she just looked helpless. A mom who needs her son. How could I 

leave her? She can’t survive without me. Without me to make her shower, hide the keys from her, make her dinner. I’d be putting her in danger. I’m her son, after all. Maybe if I make sure she has everything she needs, she can focus on getting better. 

I was about to change my mind when a pang of anger flashed through me. It rose through my limbs. I won’t fall for this again. She needed to hear the harsh truth.

“No! It’s been four years Mom! Four years without dad, and I needed you.” Against my will, my voice started to break, “I lost both my parents that day. I needed you so bad, and you weren’t there. I was twelve, and needed help, but I was taking care of you instead.” I sobbed. 

Before she could say a word, I continued, “I’ve done everything I could. It hasn’t made a difference. All I wanted was a normal mom. For you to show up to my games, to notice when I was upset; to be there for me.” My voice withered to a barely audible volume, “Instead, I came home to you, wasted, yelling at the tv.” 

Grabbing my shoulder, she made me look into her bloodshot eyes. “How dare you think you’re better than me? How can you hate me? I’ve given everything for you!” She hissed, spots of spit landing on my face. It was clear that she hadn’t heard a word that I had said. As usual, this was about her. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and turned my back to her. I felt her watch me as I walked away, her disappointment and rage drilling into me. I paused as I approached the door. This was my last chance. If I leave this door, this was no going back. A tear slipped from my eye, running down my face. I turned the handle, a blast of cold air shocking me as I stepped out.

Lauren was waiting by the door. Seeing my face, it was obvious she knew what had happened. 

She pulled me in for a hug, “You did the right thing for her.” 

“What?” I said, confused. I had done this for me. 

“Look, she doesn’t have you to rely on anymore. Maybe now that she’s realized that she’s gonna lose you, she’ll try to get better. This might force her to finally recover.”

“I sure hope so,” I respond. With all my heart, I hoped Lauren was right.

“I don’t know, she does love you.” Lauren went to put her hand around my shoulders, but with a little smile realised I’d gotten way too tall for that. Instead, she reached for my hand. I didn’t drop it.