The burning sunlight reflects off the glass window right into my bare, dark green eyes as I walk by. My feet feel like bricks weighing my down, slowing my already slow pace. I can feel everything, every atom hitting my body. It feels like the burdens of the world have been placed on my already heavy load. My eyes are so soaked with tears I can't even see that my friend is running towards me. He gets closer and I see a red blob in the middle of an all white background. An angel in red. I know its him, I don't know how. Maybe it's the energy that he gave off or maybe it’s the way he moves but I think it’s that know him so well. I blink and the tears gush out of my eyes and down my red cheeks and onto my grey sweatshirt. I can see him clearly now and I know for sure it’s Kyle. Kyle has a very distinct look, red hair, square face, and a small stretched up body. 

“I just heard the news Kay, I’m so so sorry” he says his voice cracking. Just after that, everything that has happened in the past 24 hours sets in and I fall apart right here in the middle of the school hallway. My pieces crash to the floor with a boom and spread the width of the hallway. He knows better than to ask how I’m handling it because he knows. He knows not to say anything when I am in a bad mood or crying, because he knows me so well. He knows when I cry, I just need to let it out. I don't need people telling me it will be fine, I know it will be fine but its not right now, so just let me cry. 

He knows. 

He understands. 

He knows everything about me more than anyone or anything. Kyle knows everything. Even about Shanon.

Kyle picks up all my pieces and puts me back together just so that he can wipe away my tears. He sits in front of me and  wraps his noodle like arms around my waist and I just lean into him. Scrunching his knees under himself, he’s uncomfortable I can tell. Right now I don't even have the willpower to hug him back, though I know he is in pain too. He does not expect me to stop crying anytime soon and neither do I.

The bell rings, and the kids escape the classrooms like animals escaping from their small cramped cages. They tumble out like rocks in a landslide falling all over me and Kyle hitting us from all angles, but we don't move. The animals must have been told the news because no one says anything, there are no glares, no judging words. Just sympathetic looks and a few pats on the back, and even some tears. I don’t move, I don't say thank you or anything. I don’t even feel humiliated that they are seeing me like this. I just sit in an earbud mess of arms and legs with Kyle. Not caring. I can’t say anything because I can barely breath in this moment. I’m choking on non existing toxins in the air, and I don’t even have the energy to care.

Eventually the animals exit the stage that is my life. The tardy bell rings and I don’t panic. It doesn't matter not in this moment not now or ever. I'm not going to look back at this and think I should have gone to class, so it doesnt matter. Also, I’m allowed to have a moment of mourning in a chaotic world. The chaotic world that goes on no matter what. It never stops spinning.

Spinning.

Always spinning.

It doesn't stop for anyone, even for me and my sob story of a life.

I have no idea how I will carry all this weight that has just been carelessly dropped onto me. I do know that I don't have to carry it alone. There's someone. There's always someone. Even if you have to go looking you will find them. I’m lucky enough to have Kyle. I won’t lie and say he’s all I need, but he’s all I’ve got, and for this moment he’s perfect. I know that I’m not alone in carrying the weight of my best friend Shanon, exiting stage left, forever.