August 20, 2019, the sky is a deep blue like a blue jay, and the wind sound like little whistles from little children. Even though it was the first day of school, I was happy to see all my friends and favorite teachers. It was the first day of school, and everyone was already making rumors about people. I walked into my first hour class ,math, and on the board was my name. Jannie Happy Birthday, Love the Class of 2023. Today was my sixteenth birthday, and I felt like I was a million bucks.

Every class is wonderful, everyone greeted me with a smile or a hug. After seventh hour I started to walk home, but behind me I heard the familiar hum of a BMW. It was my next door neighbor, Abby. Her BMW came to a screeching stop with all four windows down. Abby yelled at me to get in because we are getting ice cream. This was a tradition for Abby and I on our birthdays. The ice cream was to die for! After our stomachs couldn’t take in any more frozen milk, Abby took me home.

My parents Julia & Brad were waiting on me on the front porch, arms crossed, and anger running through their vains. My mother looked frustrated to be standing next to my father, who had a sour face and a sour attitude. I told Abby I would see her Monday at school. I walked up to the front door, where my parents were standing.

My father told me to go and set my book bag and Lunch pale down in my room, then come back down stairs so we can talk. So I did just that, on the way down I was thinking the worst things, like mother got cancer or father got fired. Once I reached the last stair my heart was pounding inside my head, my hands felt like lava, and I was sweating a lot, or it felt like that. I sat down in the chair mother had placed from me. I was ready to listen.

Mother came to a soft cry, and father looked frustrated to be setting next to the woman he had loved for so many years. I could tell father wanted to get the show along so I asked what was wrong. Both of their faces a got a cold look on them. Mother told father to tell me, so he did, “ listen sweetheart, ….. Your mother and I are…… getting a divorce”, they both looked at me awkwardly. My heart sank and shattered to a million pieces of sadness, loneliness, and hate. Suddenly I felt little droplets of water that tasted like salt on my face and in my mouth. Mother hugged me and told me it was going to be ok, but it wasn’t ok, my life was flipped, I had no control of this, no say on what happens. I got the urge to run, run until my feet couldn’t anymore, so I did, I ripped myself out of my chair down the narrow dark hall that could only fit two people in it, threw the front door open and onto the street that felt like a million miles long. I stopped running once I got to the park that was dark because there was no light. Out of breath I look at my phone. Five missed calls from my parents. I got a random text from Abby, “ I saw you run out of your house in a hurry so I followed you, we need to talk”. What she said was a little creepy not going to lie.

I told Abby everything, how they looked at me, how they spoke to me, how father acted after he told me (which was looking happy to get that off his chest). When I was talking to Abby I started to think, I never really noticed my parents fighting. Maybe a few little arguements here and there but nothing catastrophic, or life changing. I felt so alone, Abby knew just what to say to calm me down. Once I realized what time it was I asked Abby to drive me home. She said “yes of course I will”. Once I saw the house I didn’t want to go in, fearing that I would get yelled at or grounded.

I walked in with a fake confident look on my face, and my eyes were filled with water as I may have started to cry. No one was to be heard in the down stairs portion of the house. So I walked up stairs. I heard quite sobs coming from my room. Mother was sitting on my bed with a picture of father and I. She looked at me with sad eyes, and eyebrows low to her eyes, she said “ I tried to stay with him I really did.” I believed her, father can sometimes be a little hard to handle. I asked mother why father and her were getting a divorce, “ He doesn’t like me anymore and neither do I, we’ve grown apart in our marriage” she said. She told me many different stories about how they fought and fought until they got sick of it. I was very surprised and concerned. Mother then told me that father had found another woman and a place to live with her. I felt like he was to eager to get rid of mother and I. It hurt like a burning knife going straight through my shattered heart.

Once we got up the next morning after our 3 a.m talk, we made chocolate chip pancakes. They were amazing! They made me feel very safe, not shattered or broken. I think that mother noticed that and came to give me a big hug. Later that day father called, He said “I can’t wait for you to meet Aly. She is a amazing person, all around a better person”. The last sentence that came out of his mouth made me fill with so much anger and hate. It almost felt like I was burden to him, like all he wanted to do was make Aly happy, or make Aly the most important person in the world. I mean I know that he loves her, but I’m his daughter. I am his only daughter, that he raised. It hurt so much, this continued for many years.

October 4, 2024, the day was cold and leaves were falling all around me, it was around noon on a Friday. I just got out of class at my university. He called, my broken down father who left my mother and I, for a controlling, manipulative woman. He said to me, “hey sweetheart, hope your week went good, just a heads up Aly and I have made a decision to not pay for your university. Sorry but It had to happen especially since Aly’s son, Brody is going to a university too. Love you”. The pain hurt so bad, I just wanted to shake him, yell at him, call him crazy for not helping mother support me. One second later Abby called, she told me to meet up with her at the downtown coffee shop. Before I started to drive there, I sat in my car and cried until my eyes could not shed any tears anymore. When I arrived at the coffee shop Abby had ordered my favorite drink, an iced coffee with a little bit of chocolate drizzled on the sides. It calmed me down, and I told Abby everything. She cried as well I don’t know why.

That weekend I drove home to see my mother. Once I arrived I thought I was going to see a warm welcoming childhood house but all I saw was depressing memories of my mother and I crying and crying. I stepped through the front door, and nothing had changed, not even the vibe the house gave off. I walked into the living room to find mother. She was sitting at her computer that I bought her for Mother’s Day, but lately all it was a torture device. I walked over to her about to give a big hug, then I heard the soft cry’s my mother makes. I read what was on the computer screen, it was an email sent from the one, the only, Aly. It was titled “To you who ruined my husband & life”. I felt anger oozing from my body, wanted to yell at Aly. She has been torturing my mother with these emails ever since father and her got married in 2020. I grabbed mother’s chair that spun around, ripped her up and gave her a big long hug to calm her down.

That night as I lay in my bed, it is warm and comfy nothing like my dorm room. I thought to call my father and give him a piece of my mind in the morning, so I did. When I started talking he tried to guilt trip me about not seeing him enough, and that’s why he shows no affection for me or pays for anything I do. I had no plan on letting him walk all over me so I told him the thing he told me with no emotion on my birthday.“I have to leave, I have made a decision to leave you. I have to for my own sake and mothers. I’m done!” I heard his tear drop to the floor like a waterfalls water hitting the water below. I had no remorse for him, I know that it sounds cold, but he never wanted me to be his.

My father hasn’t called me in four years. I’m a little sad about it but it had to happen. Mother is happier and off her medication for depression, ever since the emails stopped. Right before I started senior year at my university I got a tattoo on my wrist. A cross that is made out of water. It reminds me of all the tears I shed when my parents were going through the divorce and when mother started to spiral down towards depression. Every day I look at it and tell myself I wont do this to my children unless it is absolutely necessary. This story is sad, but my life wouldn’t be the same with out it. My mother and I wouldn’t be as close as we are today. I also wouldn’t know what it would fell like going through a divorce. My mother tells me every day that life is a roller coaster and you just have to learn to be brave and ride it. All I know is that time flies like an arrow, and mean step parents never want to be flying in the wrong direction.