Confusion | Teen Ink

Confusion

June 7, 2019
By Anonymous

Samantha was not always aware of her culture. She was Dominican and Puerto Rican, however her younger self wasn’t conscious of her ethnic background. In elementary school she didn’t acknowledge her heritage, she was an innocent, simple minded child that failed to see the importance of this. She was oblivious to cultural stereotypes and did not care who she befriended, and lived in this blissful ignorance until she went into middle school. Becoming mindful of cliques forming, usually ethnically biased, Sam was unsure of where she fit in. With relatively pale skin, most people mistakenly labeled her as caucasian, which was the main cause of her hesitation and uncertainty. Trying to avoid this cultural conflict, she resolved to disregard these groups and make friends with whoever she wanted. Despite these efforts, as the school years passed by these small, seemingly unimportant groups became larger and much more distinct. Sam began to stray away from her friends because of her apprehension and extensive confusion of her cultural identity. In the 8th grade she once asked her father, “Why didn’t you teach me Spanish when I was younger, or teach me about my culture?”

He responded, “I wanted to protect you from racism or any discrimination that you may have experienced otherwise.” Her father was born in Dominican Republic, so she understood that he must’ve felt some sort of racial discrimination in his life. However, she felt differently. Sam did not want to be sheltered from this, she wanted to be able to experience her culture and embrace her ethnic background. The racism that she might have received did not scare her, and she felt angry at her father for trying to protect her from it. Still, she remained conflicted about her cultural identity for the remainder of that year, and continued to feel like an outsider with her friends and among her peers. There was a deep confusion within her and she was unsure of who she wanted to identify with, but eventually planned to blend her two cultures.

When she entered high school she decided that she would learn more about her culture. She felt a strong connection to her hispanic roots through the traditional food. She enjoyed visiting her relatives and learning how to make different Caribbean dishes with them. Food is a good way to connect to family in hispanic heritage because it brings everyone together, so she began to cook more at home. Learning about her culture helped her to be more balanced between her Americanism and her heritage. Sam could sense the ties between her American and Hispanic culture beginning to intertwine as she continued to unravel where she wanted to place herself in society. In terms of her social life she chose to disregard the stereotypes and ethnically based friend groups, and befriend a variety of people. She didn’t want to adhere to the societal norms and be confined to her ethnicity, but at the same time she understood the importance of her heritage. She took the time to learn about her culture, through the food, language, and values of Dominicans and Puerto Ricans. She enjoyed her varied friend group and was able to appreciate each of their individual heritages without letting it get in the way of their friendship.

Her mixed cultures combined and she was no longer confused about how she should identify. Her decision was to embrace both and incorporate each into her life together, instead of separately. There was a fusion of cultures that brought her to a sense of peace within herself. Now that she was able to accept her American and hispanic culture, she no longer felt restricted to just one or the other, and was free to do as she pleased without worrying about ethnic motives fueling her actions.


The author's comments:

This realistif fiction story was based on my ethnicity and American identity. I created this story as a dramatic reflection upon my experiences as a hispanic American.


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