Some days are worse than others. At times I forget I have to cope and crawl into bed until the sun says goodbye to the moon. No one ever seems to notice anything is wrong, allowing me to believe I’m simply losing my mind. While everyone begins to thrive and grow in their own little world, I’m stuck in the darkness of my own. The longer you stare without holding out a hand to pick me up, the harder it gets to lift myself up. It’s become impossible to believe that one day I’ll be okay, feeling complete and accomplished with loved ones to surround me. That one morning I would wake up to the smell of my attentive mother’s cooking coming from the kitchen. That one night I would sleep without fearing that I wouldn’t wake up the next day.

For now such a future seems impossible to imagine. Almost out of my reach, like so many other things are. I was told once that I had to stop letting my mind control me or else I would never survive in this frantic world. I deeply wish I had listened however, it’s too late. As of tonight, loss consumed my life. I lost my mother who couldn’t stand watching my random emotional outbursts. I lost my job which I never came to on time. I lost the girl in the photographs that hung on the living room wall; she was unrecognizable to me and everyone else who used to love her. Our end is inevitable, they say. I just didn’t know it would come so soon.

Should I let it in? If it didn’t already.

Or should I wait for that day which may never arrive?