I woke up at seven thirty this morning to my parents bickering over who pays the phone bill in the house. Deep inside I’m glad they’re getting a divorce so the bickering will end. It’s a saturday in April and it’s raining cats and dogs outside. As I roll over to the side of my bed I glance at my phone with a text from Jen saying she’s on her way over. That’s just great it’s seven thirty in the morning, pouring rain and she’s on her way over to drag me out of bed. I throw my comforter over my head and fall back to sleep until Jen comes over and jumps on me to wake me up.

“What are you still doing in bed we got stuff to get done. Billie is on his way over,” Jen said.

“It is pouring outside, we can’t go do anything,” I groan.

“I have to go to the mall to get a new outfit for my family reunion,” Jen said.

I just lay there with my comforter over my head and pretend to fall back asleep. When I hear footsteps running up the stairs that’s when I knew how much trouble I’m in since I’m still in bed.

“Hal get out of bed already would you. It’s 9 o’clock let’s get going,” Billie said.

“Ok I’m up just let me change and stuff then we can leave,” I groan.

I roll out of bed and head over to my dresser. I pull out a pair of black nike sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt that says “What?” on it. I throw these on and head downstairs where I see Jen and Billie raiding the pantry for snacks, which is nothing new it’s part of their routine when they come over. But little did I know that my normal was about to change.

It wasn’t until later that late Saturday afternoon that my life literally flashed before my eyes. Like I said before it was raining, but it wasn’t until Jen, Billie, and I were on our way back to my house that the car spun out of control. I had told Jen to slow down on the road but the car spun out of control. The semi truck next to us started to swerve over into our lane and Jen tried speeding up but the car lost traction on the road and we spun out of control. The last thing that I remember before I lost consciousness was looking next to me and seeing Jen facing me eyes closed, and a giant gash on her forehead.

When I awake I hear scribbling on paper and beeping from the machine next to me. I look down at my hands and they are purple and blue, they are bruised terribly. I have no idea where Jen and Billie are and I start to worry what happened to them. I try to sit up but the nurse told me to lay back down and rest, but I need to know what happened to Billie and Jen.

“Where are Billie and Jen?” I ask.

“ Your cousin Billie was severely injured but he will be alright, the little gal that was in the driver's seat, well she’s not doing so well,” the nurse said.

“Where is she? Is she ok? What happened?” I ask the nurse these questions and what seems a mile a minute.

“You three were in a really bad car accident, your friend Jen unfortunately hasn’t woken up yet and there are signs of brain damage.”

I don’t know how to comprehend everything that I was just told. All I think about is how it was such a normal day, how could something this bad happen. As I look around the room my parents are nowhere in sight. What surprises me is my older brother Kaylum.

“What are you doing here? Where are mom and dad?” I ask.

“They went out to go and get some food.”

I’m surprised that Kaylum is here, I would have figured he would still be at home getting higher than a kite. As I look into his eyes I see tears start to form in his eyes, but he pushes them back and closes his eyes.

“I’m glad you’re okay little sis,” Kaylum said.

“Me too but I want to see Billie. Do you know where he is?” I ask.

Kaylum looks at me like I’m completely crazy but he caves and says Billie is down the hall. I have to and see him and see how he is doing. I whip my legs across the bed and start to stand. There is a sharp pain in my ribs and it hurts to stand let alone breathe.

“What do you think you’re doing, you need to rest Hallie,” Kaylum urged.

“Please Kaylum where is he, I need to know,” I pleaded.

Kaylum started out the door and I soon followed right behind. Straight down the hall was Billie's room.  As I step out into the hall I can smell the iodoform, the cleaning that is used. I hear the nurses talking and beeping of machines as I make my way down the hall. As I am walking I find Billies door, when I enter the room I can hear Jeopardy playing on the T.V.

“Hallie I know it’s you, come on over,” Billie said.

As I reach the edge of the bed, my eyes fill with tears. Billie is covered in cuts and bruises. He has a sling on his left arm, even his right eye is starting to form a black eye.

“Please don’t cry Hallie, I don’t want you to cry,” Billie said.

I couldn’t hold back my tears and they just started streaming down my face. Billie reached up and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. He has always done that ever since we were kids.

“Do you know anything about where Jen is,” I asked.

“Oh, you haven’t heard,” Billie said in a dismal voice.

“When we arrived at the hospital Jens heartbeat stopped,” said Billie.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I thought Billie was joking around with me that’s when I started to laugh hysterically. But the look he had on his face told me a different story. He wasn’t joking around, I was shocked. I sat down on the hospital bed and stared at the wall, everything from the accident came rushing back to me. The way I saw her lying there, maybe I could have done something different in the moment. That’s when it hits me. I will never get to see Jen ever again, things will never be the same. Tears start to trickle down my face little by little more start to fall. It seems like they will never stop, but right now I don’t care.

“Come here Hallie, everything will be okay,” Billie said.

When I look up at Billies face I can see the pain in his eyes. I can tell he’s hiding his own pain to help me through my own. I can tell with Jens sudden death Billie is hurting just as much as I am at the moment.

“Hallie Joe there you are, what are you thinking leaving your room.” I heard my mom bellow through the doorway.

“Mom, dad, I am so so sorry for what happend.” I said.

“Honey it doesn’t matter, what matters is that you are ok.” Dad said through clenched teeth.

As I nod towards Billie I head back to my room. I know that my parents want to shout and give me a lecture. But they know that Jen just died and that it’s not what I need to get through my recovery.

It’s been a little over 24 hours since I found out Jen passed. Her parents came in to see how me and Bill were doing. There are no words to describe how I would easily trade places with Jen. She never deserved this, she was a ray of sunshine that everyone needed in their dark times in life.

I lay in bed and think of the first time I ever met Jen. It was the first day of sixth grade. It was during lunch time and I was sitting all by myself. Jen came over and made me feel like I wasn’t the weird kid that ate lunch by herself. We made a pact that very day that we would always be there for each other. Now she’s gone and I don’t know how to cope.

It’s been two weeks since the crash. Most days I just lay in bed, numb. It feels like I can’t move or if I do move that everything will fall apart so much easier. I haven’t slept in a few days. It feels as though Jen is here but she isn’t.

“Hal, will you please get up and get out of the house,” Kaylum says.

I don’t move. I continue to stare out my window. Every single day kaylum comes in and asks me to get out of the house and get back out into the world. He never cared before so why would he care now.

Days pass and I find it hard to do the things that I love without Jen. I never used to watch movies with Jen unless she begged, it just wasn’t my thing. But now all I seem to do is watch movies. I haven’t even left the house in a month.

“Hallie enough of this,” my mom says.

“You need to go and live your life a little.”

I don’t acknowledge her, but out of the corner of my eye I can see her roll her eyes at me before she gets up and walks away.

Since the accident I have noticed that Kaylum keeps a close eye on me at all times. Billies hasn’t been over since that day and my parents keep the bickering to a minimal when I am around. I feel like I am walking on eggshells constantly and I hate it.

It's been 2 months since the accident and Jen passing away. I feel like I am losing my connection to reality and my imagination. I sometimes hear Jen’s laugh coming from down the hall. But I could also be losing my mind. I am slowly slipping away and I can feel it. Kaylum is on constant watch and never leaves my side. In a way I am grateful.

“Hey Kaylum,” I say.

“What’s up.”

“I have a crazy idea, would you be willing to drive a distance.” I ask.

“ Oh a crazy adventure, you? I would have never guessed.” He says.

“Where to?” Kaylum asks.

Just like that I am slowly changing the way things have been. It may take time, but Jen will be back in no time. It will be like she never even died.