I fight to keep my eyes open. There's blood surrounding me and glass shattered everywhere. I can feel my seat belt strangle me but I am in too much shock to move. I am numb and weak. There is blood trickling down from my head down to my body. I try yelling for help but nothing comes out. I cannot think clearly, then all at once, I cannot think at all.

It’s my senior year in high school and I have all my potential college brochures scattered on my bed. Though I already know where I am going, The University of Pennsylvania. They are ranked to be one of the best pediatric medical schools. I have wanted to be a pediatrician since I can remember. I have always wanted to help and work with children. To be a pediatrician I will need to attend college for four years then I will look into hospitals to work at, hopefully I can work at a children's hospital. College is not cheap so, to help to help pay for college, I am working at a local restaurant. Also to help pay for college I have been looking into scholarships that I can apply for through The University of Pennsylvania. I know exactly where my life is going.

I received an academic scholarship to The University of Pennsylvania, just like planned, although it’s not a full ride or even close to it. My dream was to be financially stable after college because I was planning on getting close to a full ride, and working through college to help pay for what was not given. Though with this scholarship I would have to work more than one job through college and more than one after to help pay for all of the tuition. That is not part of my plan. I want to be independent and not rely on family to help pay for college though if I go to The University of Pennsylvania then I couldn't do it myself. However, in the back of my mind, I also knew I got accepted into The University of Cincinnati, although it’s not my first pick or dream school but it isn't far behind.  It’s also half the cost and still a top school to become a pediatrician, and its public verses Pennsylvania which is private.

“Hey mom what college do you think I should pick, Cincinnati or Pennsylvania?” I asked.

“You have always wanted to got to Pennsylvania.” She said.

“You’re right, going to The University of Pennsylvania is part of my life plan and it is one of the best colleges to go to if someone is looking into being a pediatrician.” I said.

“Then we can help you pay for it, if it’s where you choose to go.” She said.

Then in that moment I knew what I had to do. We, as a family, could not afford to pay thousands of dollars for me to go to Pennsylvania. I have a lot of money in saving though a lot is not enough. “My choice is The University of Cincinnati, it’s the most logical choice.” I said. Then that was that, I had decided where I was going to be spending the next four years of my life.

“Are you sure? I want you to be happy wherever you go.” She said.

“I am certain.” I said. I was certain, I was going to go to The University of Cincinnati. It’s a longer drive from home but it will all be worth it in the long run when I have less student debt.

The next thing to complete on my life plan is to graduate high school and I already have that in the bag. The only thing I really have to do is just wait for the ceremony, which is just a few weeks away. I have my senior pictures done and my graduation announcements complete, I can't believe I am finally graduating.

Weeks come and go, although it feels like years, and it’s finally graduation day. I walk up onto the stage and it feels so right. I see the crowd look up at me as I smile and shake my high school principals hand. It’s exhilarating. I see all my fellow classmates clap and as I am standing there, the whole world freezes, and I flash back to all of my best high school memories. I move my tassel over to the other side of my cap and I cant believe high school is over. The rest of my life is yet to come.

“Thank you class of 2019, you have been a wonderful class to watch grow and turn into the young adults you are now. I hope life only brings successes and happiness to you all. Congratulations class of 2019.” My principal said. Then the whole auditorium shouts as caps flew up into the air.

After graduation there was a party at my house, for all my family and friends to celebrate the passing of a big part of my life. We laughed, we cheered, and we partied. I cannot believe that I am no longer a highschool student. Instead a slave to the college system. Though I can’t wait to finally be able to leave home and live independently. I go and do my last visit to The University of Cincinnati in a week before I go for the first day. There is so much to be done like buying things for my dorm and buying lunch tickets and books for classes. Though most of it will get done on visitation day.

Today is the day, my family and I load into the car and make our way to Cincinnati, Ohio. A couple hours later we arrive and it feels so good. I write down my name and we tour campus even though we already have many times. Everytime it feels brand new. Awhile later we are done and it’s time to go back home and wait two months before I go back to Ohio alone.

The summer was amazing and relaxing. I bought items for my dorm and fantasized about my first day of college and what it had in store for me. I said goodbye to all the places and people I will be leaving when I move to Ohio. Then the hardest part, I said goodbye to my family and home and made the trip to Cincinnati. It is such a beautiful ride because there is so much to see and everytime I make this trip to the university this is the best one yet. In a couple hours I will be at my dorm and my college life will finally be starting.

Then bam! Just like that my life changes and I am fighting to keep my eyes open. There's blood surrounding me and glass shattered everywhere. I can feel my seat belt strangle me but I am too in too much shock to move. I am numb and weak. There is blood trickling down from my head down to my body. I try yelling for help but nothing comes out. I cannot think clearly, then all at once, I cannot think at all.

I wake up in a bright hospital room. I don't understand what happening, everyone is weeping and comforting me.

“Lauren, Lauren, can you hear me?” The doctor says.

I don’t respond

“Lauren!” My mom shouts.

I open my mouth and I am about to say something but I don’t know what.

“Lauren, do you who you are?” The doctor asks.

“Yes.” I mumble. I know who I am but I don’t remember what happened. “What’s going on?” I ask.

“You were in a severe car crash and have been diagnosed with retrograde amnesia.” The doctor says.

“What does that mean?” I ask.

“Retrograde amnesia means you're brain was damaged and your recent memories have been affected.” The doctor said.

I start to cry as the doctor leaves to give me and my family space. My parents tell me that on my way to Cincinnati I got into a car crash due to a car running through a red light and hitting me and spinning my car out of control. My car is totaled and the driver died due to the collision, I however, got lucky they say. Though that's not at all how it feels. My life as I knew it, was gone and what that meant for me I did not know. The only thing I did know was maybe surviving the crash was not the best thing for me if I couldn’t be who I have dreamed of being.

“Hello, Mrs. Adeline. How are you feeling today?” I ask. It was my first day working at The Cincinnati Children's Hospital and Medical Center. Two years after my crash.

“Sore and confused.” She said.

“That’s normal but group will help, lets go.” I say. I am now working at The Cincinnati Children's Hospital and Medical Center but not as a Pediatrician. I now work with Anesthesiologists to help patients work through what I have been through. The Anesthesiologists do all the medical work and I do the connecting part. At group we talk about what has changed since each person's traumatic experience and how to work through it. We all share and understand each other.

“Hello my name is Adeline and my supporter here today is Lauren. I got into a crash just like her and we both suffer with amnesia, though she said I will be able to start living my life again in a couple weeks, with a little change of course.” Said Adeline.

“Hello Adeline and Lauren.” The group says back.