“I met Hyde when I was six, or maybe seven. My aunt had taken me and my brother to an old playground while my mom and uncle unpacked boxes at home. Well, I didn’t think it was home then, but that’s beside the point.
  The swings had always been my favorite, so of course I made a beeline for them when I saw that this new place had them too. I asked my aunt to push me, of course. My brother would always push too hard and, sometimes, knock me off. Gosh, we must have been there for well over an hour, me just swinging, my aunt — probably bored out of her mind — pushing me, and, of course, my brother sitting under a nearby tree, reading.
  I don’t remember when or why I noticed, but at some point another kid had walked up and sat on a swing a few spots down. I told my aunt to stop pushing, and she did, shaking her arms a bit. As a kid I was always friendly, maybe too friendly. I would introduce myself proudly to every living thing I came across, from ants to people at the gas station. Naturally, this concerned my mom because she had to constantly keep an eye on me or I’d wander off trying to find someone or something to pester. As you probably know, I’ve grown out of that.”

Tom chuckled lightly, took a few deep breaths, and continued.

  “So, as was my nature at the time, I really didn’t want this kid to be alone. I sauntered on over to him and introduced myself. Then he, well, he kinda just stared at me, slowly reaching out his hand. The movement was stiff and awkward, like the kid was just remembering he had an arm. I took his hand and introduced myself.
  ‘Hi! My name’s Thomas, but my mom calls me Tommy and my brother calls me Tom. What’s your name?’ I looked the kid in the eyes and waited for a response. Well, no. I looked where the kid’s eyes should have been, he didn’t really have any. I don’t think he had much of a face or body shape or, well, now that I’m thinking about it, anything? He was more of a suggestion of a person than an actual person. It should have creeped me out, but it didn’t; I guess kids can rationalize just about anything if they really want to.
  When the kid finally spoke, I think I flinched. His voice boomed loud and clear, almost like the words went directly through my ears and burrowed into my brain.
    ‘My name is...’ I remember the kid paused for a while. I waited attentively.
    ‘Hyde.’ I thought he wanted to play a game, but he clarified. ‘That’s my name. Hyde. Call me that.’
    ‘Okay, Hyde,’ I said. ‘Want me to push your swing?’
    ‘Um, yes.’ And then,
    ‘You seem nice. I’m sorry you have to be here. I’ll be with you for awhile.’
    At the time I took that as a promise of friendship and sympathy, I guess, for having to move away from home. It didn’t occur to me that I never mentioned moving.”

  “Well, Thomas,” began Dr. Shepard, “everyone has an odd imaginary friend or two growing up.”
  Tom laughed. “You sound like my mom,” he paused, his face falling slightly, “but I really don’t think he was imaginary.”
    “What makes you say that?”
    “I-“ Tom stuttered for a moment, “I don’t know, exactly. He was just too real. I know that’s a bad explanation but I don’t know how else to put it. I can still feel his cold hand on my arm, an- and...” he stopped. “I just know, okay?”
    “Alright,” Dr. Shepard scribbled something down in his notes. “Please continue. I’d like to hear more, if that’s okay.”
    “Yeah, sure.” Tom exhaled slowly, then began talking again.

  “After I first met Hyde at the park, I began seeing him everywhere. He was there when I was in school, he was there when my brother and I explored the neighborhood, he was there when I returned home. I wouldn’t talk to Hyde in public because my brother said I looked like a ‘loony freak,’ and I worshipped my brother — still do really — so if course I listened. When I got home, though, all I’d do was talk to my friend. It was such a central part of my life as a kid, but honestly, I don’t remember what exactly we would talk about. I guess in hindsight that was the least ‘interesting’ part of our relationship.

  A while after we moved, things started changing. I hadn’t seen Hyde during last period one day, or on the walk home. As soon as my mom saw me, she knew something was up.

    ‘Hey, kiddo. 2nd grade hit you hard today?’ She said, eyebrows wrinkled.

    ‘I can’t find Hyde,’ I was holding back tears.’What if he got hurt, or lost, or grounded, or what if he hates me?’ I was sniffling now.

  Mom looked thoughtful for a moment. Her hands rested on my shoulders as she squatted to meet my eye level, then she offered to make me a snack for while I did schoolwork. This must have lifted my mood because the next thing I remember is the stairs groaning underfoot as I dashed into my room and plopped my backpack on my floor. I still had hope that Hyde was around and maybe just living up to his name, so I searched high and low throughout my room until a small noise caught my attention. It was my window. A breeze had caused a branch from a nearby tree to hit the pane, making whispery tapping the only sound remaining in my small room. I walked over to look out the window, now at a loss for what to do next.

  Approaching my window, I noticed something. You know how you can always see a slight reflection of yourself in windows? Mine at that moment seemed different. I don’t know how long I looked at myself in the window until I realized the ghostly silhouette staring back wasn’t me. It was a suggestion of me. It was Hyde.

  My mom entered the room then with a plate of hot pizza rolls. I turned away from the window.

    ‘These are fresh out of the microwave so that means…’ she waited for my response.

    ‘They’re hot and be careful.’

    ‘Perfect! I'll be downstairs if you need help with your homework,’ She set the plate of pizza rolls on my nightstand and turned around.

    ‘Thank you love you thank you!’ I recited.

    ‘Love you thank you love you!’ My mom called from halfway down the stairs. That was something we always used to say to each other, like our own special goodbye.

  I snatched the plate of pizza rolls and walked back over to my window. It took me a minute to make out the reflection again, but when I did I noticed it was sharper and, now, undoubtedly me.I didn’t have time to be disappointed before I heard a voice behind me.

    ‘I’m hungry.’

    ‘You can have some of my pizza rolls. They’re really yummy.’

    Hyde shook his head. ‘No. I don’t want them. Neither do you.’

    ‘What? Of course I want…’ I looked down at the plate in my hand. The pizza rolls were still there.They looked the same, smelled the same, no doubt would have tasted the same but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat one. Suddenly, eating one of my favorite afterschool snacks seemed completely unappetizing. I set the plate down onto the floor. Looking up from the rolls I stared at Hyde. Something about him was different too, but I’m not sure how to fully explain it. He seemed sharper, I guess, like my eyes had finally decided to focus on him. Fundamentally he looked the same, but there was more structure to what he looked like. I thought he had been shorter than me when we first met, and it may have just been the way he was sitting, but I could have sworn we were the same height now.

  He stood up, confirming that, yes, he’d definitely grown, and he walked toward me. I stood there, watching him come closer and closer until he was several inches from me with seemingly no intent on slowing down. I spread my arms out, thinking maybe he wanted a hug because it had been a few house since we'd seen each other, but he just kept walking. A chill went through me. Hyde went through me. I turned around wanting to ask him what just happened but he was gone.  I was alone again. It was just me, shivering slightly, and the pizza rolls, slowly losing steam.

  As I fell asleep that night, I was still cold.”

   Tom stopped talking once again, picking at the skin around his fingernails. He glanced up at Dr. Shepard, who appeared to be in deep consideration of something.

    “So, Thomas, I know we’ve discussed your anxiety before. Are you aware that one symptom can be chills?”

    “I- well no.”

Dr. Shepard nodded. “Well, I think that could be one possible explanation for what you felt. You were worried about Hyde, you were young, you were adjusting to a new environment; all I’m suggesting is you likely had enough cause to be very anxious,”

    “That makes sense, I guess. But what about what I saw? Kinda weird for a little kid to see stuff like that.”

    “I don’t know,” Dr. Shepard admitted, “My best guess would be an overactive imagination.”

    “But I kept seeing Hyde until, well, about two years ago. That’s when I started college. Surely it can’t have just been me imagining things. I’m not that crazy.” Tom’s voice was shaking.

    “Of course not, Thomas. I think there is certainly a better explanation. Why don’t you tell me about what you continued to experience, then we’ll talk again.”

    “Okay, I’ll do my best.”

  “As I got older, I still felt cold. All the time. My grades started slipping as my concentration ability dropped. I saw Hyde out of the corner of my eye constantly, but I rarely saw him straight on, other than when I looked in the mirror. I didn’t have a reflection anymore. It was just Hyde.

  By the time I was entering highschool, I went from a decent student to barely passing most of my classes. I isolated myself and grew distant from my mom. I guess that’s not too uncommon for a budding teenager, but I felt miserable about it. I was so close to mom as a kid and I was always so amicable and happy. I felt like I did a complete one-eighty. To be fair, she wasn’t the most pleasant anymore either, as she constantly complained about how drafty the house was, or how the frozen dinners had too much ice in them. We were just a family of cold people, inside and out.

  There was one particular day I can remember, I believe it was about halfway through my sophomore year, that something unforgivable happened. I had managed to make a few friends, but it was clear that even they began keeping their distance. For lack of a better phrase, I had become an insufferable prick, and not even in the ‘cool aloof guy’ way, I was just a jerk, not to mention short — probably stunted, to be honest — and rather on the flabby side. I was weak as hell, so I wasn’t even making good grades in PE. Like, how on earth does someone nearly fail PE? Despite my whole ‘being a huge jerk,’ my friends still expressed concern for me. I was clearly not in good shape, mentally or physically, and it showed.

  My best friends, my only friends, sat me down at lunch one day to have a discussion about what was going on.

    ‘Hey, Tom,’ Sarah, the one I was probably closest to at the time, opened the conversation.

    ‘What?’

  Sarah and the others talked for the entirety of the lunch block. The typical, ‘we say this because we care,’ talk. I wasn’t having any of it, but the longer they talked, the more clearly I could see a figure out of the corner of my eye. He was my height, build, weight, everything. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t take me long to recognize that it was Hyde, listening to my friends and shaking his head disapprovingly.

    ‘It’s not your fault. It’s me. I made you this way,’ he whispered, but I heard him perfectly.

    ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I said out loud.

    ‘God, Tom! We’re trying to help you. Have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately?’ Sarah was nearly shouting now. I had completely tuned her out. ‘Seriously, you look awful, man. No offense.’

  I felt a hand lightly squeeze my arm. Nathan was sitting next to me, brow furrowed and eyes shimmering with tears.

    ‘We’ve just been so worried. You’re not like yourself. I mean sure, you weren’t ever a touchy-feely kinda guy, but I- we miss spending time with you without this awful bitterness you’ve had lately. And you’re so tired all the time. You don’t even come to school that often anymore,’ Nathan took a breath, shuddering slightly. ‘We just miss you.’

    ‘You shouldn't,’ I heard the voice in my head as I said it. It wasn’t my own.

    ‘What?’ Sarah said, a new edge to her tone.

    ‘You shouldn’t,’ I repeated, not quite against my will, but the words still weren’t mine, ‘I don’t miss you. I’d rather be alone.’ I picked up the bag of chips I’d been munching on, stuffed them in my bag, and turned to walk away.

    ‘Wait. You can’t just say that,’ Sarah sounded mad. I heard Nathan choke out a quiet sob.

    ‘Yes I can,’ Hyde was directly in front of me. I stared at him. ‘And I’m leaving. I don’t need you guys.’ Our mouths moved in unison. It was like our minds had merged. I felt something warm and wet on my face, and I realized I had been crying.

    ‘I’m sorry.’

  Hyde grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the cafeteria, out of the school, and out of the only friend group I had.”

  Dr. Shepard held up his hand, “I’m going to stop you here. I hope you don’t mind.”

    “Not at all,” Tom replied, wiping a tear off his chin, “What have you got?”

    “Well, first off it definitely sounds like you had some irritable depression symptoms, so Hyde was right, to an extent. It wasn’t entirely your fault.”

    “Oh? I mean I guess that’s reassuring.”

    “I’m glad,” Dr. Shepard continued. “Secondly, and I can’t say this for sure, but it sounds like you may have been relatively malnourished.”

    “But I wasn’t skinny as a kid. Like I said, I was on the chubbier side.” Tom said, confused.

    “That’s not exactly what I meant. You were likely lacking in essential vitamins and nutrients. How often did you eat fresh food as a kid? How varied was your diet?” the doctor clarified.

“I mean, not often I guess. My mom and I always ate what we could get within a few minutes of the house so my diet could have been better, I guess.”

    “Then that may be the root of your problem, if that’s how you grew up. Obviously you do struggle with depression and anxiety as well, but that malnourishment wasn’t doing you any favors.”

    “Buy what about Hyde?” Tom asked, his eyes fixated on his doctor’s face.

    “Honestly, I still can’t say. Does he still appear?”

“Since I’ve lived here I haven’t seen him. I don’t know.”
    “Interesting,” Dr. Shepard mused, jotting down some notes. “Well, Hyde may have been your mind trying to make sense of your situation. My initial thoughts were that, perhaps, he was a sign of a more serious underlying problem, but if he’s just vanished…” Dr. Shepard scratched his beard, staring out the window. He glanced at the clock. “Oh my, we’re going to have to end the session here, sorry. We can try to sort this out next time. Can you do the same time next week?
    “Actually, no,” there was a brief pause, “I’m going to visit my mom at home.”
    “Oh, well that’s quite a sweet gesture. Two weeks then?”
    “Yeah, sure.” Another pause, as schedules were updated in silence. Then,
    “Alright. I hope your visit goes well, Thomas. Have a good night.”
    “You too, doctor.” He turned to walk out the door, “Thank you.”

  The drive home was uneventful. The sky was unusually clear, allowing the full moon to shine freely, backed by millions of unblinking stars. Tom pulled up in front of his building, grabbed some bags from the passenger seat, and slowly walked up to his floor. He wrestled the apartment keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. He pushed it open.
    “Hey, I’m back.” As he greeted his roommate, Tom was greeted in turn with the sound of sizzling oil and the sweet smell of buttery fish.
    “Dude, that smells amazing,” he remarked. “I got the peppers you asked for on my way back from work. They’ve been in my car for a while, though.”
    “It’s all good. Just put ‘em on the counter for me,” Tom’s roommate replied, not bothering to look away from the food he was preparing.
    “You got it, ‘Master Chef Nathaniel.’”
Nathan smiled, moving a pan off the stove burner, “Finally, I get some respect around here.”
    “Yeah, yeah. How much longer?”
    “About twenty minutes,” Nathan rolled his eyes. “Fifteen if you’d be oh so kind as to cut up those peppers for me.” He winked over his shoulder.
    “I will do literally whatever it takes to get that fish in my stomach fastest.”
Tom picked up a knife, grabbed a fresh, if lukewarm, pepper, and began chopping next to Nathan, who laughed quietly.

“How was the session?” His voice taking on a more serious tone, Nathan finally turned to look at his roommate.

“Good. Really good,” Tom put down the knife and turned his head to look Nathan in the eyes. He opened his mouth, then closed it, carefully considering his words.

“What is it?” Nathan reached out and lightly squeezed Tom’s arm, a familiar gesture. Tom looked down at the hand supporting his arm, then back up at his roommate.

“Thanks. For sticking with me and being so supportive. I honestly can’t believe you’re here right now, still with me. It means so much, I can’t really express it accurately. Just, thanks.” Tom finally managed. Nathan smiled.

“Of course. Now, let’s get dinner finished. I know you’re hungry, and I got this fish from the market yesterday, so it should be pretty tasty.”

“Sounds good,” Tom grinned, “Let’s get cooking.”