Cigarette smoke swirls in the alcohol-filled air as I sit alone at the bar. I spin my wine around and drink it until the crystal glass is empty. The haziness begins to set in. I flag down the bartender, Jerry, and get another glass.

I can feel a pair of bright brown eyes staring me down, but I don’t move. I see her face in the corner of my eyes and, instead, close my eyes and take another drag from my cigarette.

“Hey,” I hear in my ear, exhaling smoke and glancing next to me. “Is this seat taken?”

Turning to face the straight-forward stranger, I reply, “There’s a seat in hell. Now go away.”

“Alright, alright,” she said, proceeding to sit down. “So, what’s your name?”

I take one more drag. “Persephone.”

The woman’s eyes go wide, “Like the Greek myth? That’s so cool!”

“It can be,” I replied looking into my red-stained glass, hoping that if I look hard enough it will refill itself.

“But you know what’s not cool?”

“What’s that No-name?” I asked, smirking.

“Smoking. My name is Eve, by the way,” she said, sticking out her hand.

Eve, I thought to myself. What a short name.

Time passes and the loneliness turns into much-needed laughter. The neon lights above the bar make my head pulse as I engulf more alcohol into my body.

“No, no, no,” Eve shouts at me. “The Office is so much better than Parks and Rec!”

“Wow,” I stare at her in disbelief. “Did we just argue about The Office and Parks and Rec for an hour?”

“I think we did, my dear friend.”

Even more time passes and the neon lights above the bar make my head pulse as I engulf even more alcohol into my small body.

“Can I try?” Eve asks, pointing to the cigarette I’m holding between my fingers.

“Aren’t you against this?” I reply. “Because it’s super addictive and the nicotine gives you cancer?”

“Well, why do you do it?”

I sheepishly look away, muttering. “It’s super addictive.”

“Well,” she said, rebelliously. “I want to try it anyway.”

“Alright,” I said, handing the cigarette over to her, placing it gently into her fingertips as if I was placing a vase on a coffee table.

Eve inhales and then immediately begins coughing. I laugh.

“You’re not as tough as you think you are, huh?” I said to her.

Eve shoves the cigarette back in my hand and turns away. “Look, it’s getting late. Shouldn’t you be going soon?”

I pause. “Oh, okay,” I woozily stand up, the and put out my cigarette. “I guess I’ll see you around then.”

Eve doesn’t look at me as I put on my coat to head into the cold winter night. “See ya, Jerry!” I shout across the bartop and head towards the front door. I open the door, taking one last glance behind me, but Eve is gone.

As I brace the brisk air, I pull another cigarette out of my pocket for it is my only comfort. I walk towards the intersection to cross the street, stopping while cars race past me. I stand at the corner taking a stress-relieving drag that relieves no stress.

Then, I suddenly hear my name ring out in the air like a cry for help.

“Persephone! Persephone! I’m sorry!” Eve yells as she sprints towards me struggling to throw her coat on.

Shit, I thought. She really does care.

Eve runs up beside me and flings both arms around my shoulders. I can see her sharp breaths in the air. She lifts her head and finally says, “I’m sorry.”

Her brown eyes sparkle underneath the streetlights. The light defines her hair. I am speechless.

“I was mean to you. I shouldn’t have given you the cold shoulder,” she replied to my utter silence. “Now, can I please walk you home?”

I am silent for a moment, contemplating my next move. I will forever regret the decision I ended up making.

“No.”

I turn on my heels leaving a slack-jawed Eve standing at the corner.

Without looking, I cross the icy street until I feel the sudden impact of a car hitting my short body.

The last thing I see is Eve’s bright brown eyes staring down at me above a flickering street lamp and a starry night sky.

---

She will not remember that friendly conversation that should have led to something else with that woman whose name she doesn’t remember at Jerry’s bar. (nor will she remember Jerry) She will just remember the feeling of regret and loss as she walked down the street knowing she really messed up but didn’t know what exactly happened and that will bug her for ages like an endless itch. She will remember a blurry face above a flickering street lamp and starry winter sky.

She will not remember the first time she successfully lit her first cigarette as she sat next to her first boyfriend sitting in her college dorm as Mr.Brightside by The Killers played in the background. Jerry and his new girlfriend kissed on the old beaten up old couch across from her, a couch that had survived so many parties. She will not notice how the light shines across their faces, but it brings out the new girl’s features just a little bit nicer than Jerry’s. She will, however, remember the new girl rising and, finally, noticing her by saying a casual, “Hey.”

She will, also, remember the pain of existing. Night after endless night wondering what to do, how to say it, if she should go through with it even though it could ruin her life. Or if she should just continue life as it should be. It’s a pretty good life with pretty good friends. Why go and ruin it?

She will also remember rage and anger. She will remember the blurry face of what once was her boyfriend who will break-up with up her, claiming that this is her fault, not his. How can he know that she still loves him? The answer: she doesn’t know. How can you know?

She will remember the pain of the aftermath: endless empty wine bottles and cigarette buds. Lonely nights in an alcohol-induced haze looking for love that wasn’t there. She was at a tug-of-war between two people and didn’t know how to win. Although, she’ll never remember this. Only their blurry faces and the darkened feelings of guilt and shame.

---

But Persephone will remember the noise of the crowd as she sits alone at the bar, waiting, waiting, waiting.

As the minutes tick by, she thinks, This is stupid. I’m wasting my time. And gets up to leave.

As she does, she runs into a blurry face, who is really Jerry’s ex-girlfriend, who says, “You’re not bailing on me, are you?”

She laughs to cover up the fact that she actually was. “What? No! I would never!” The two sit at the bar, drinking  until the neon bar sign flashes off. They walk home, the freezing wind biting their red cheeks.

They laugh, talking gossip, window shopping and admiring clothes that they can’t afford.

This night will forever be imprinted in Persephone’s memory because it is the last time she saw her first girlfriend.

---

The next few minutes were clouded as if she had a hangover and couldn’t remember the events of the previous night.

Persephone’s blood was smeared across the transparent windshield. The unharmed driver stepped out of the car and began screaming, “Oh my god! What the hell?!”

Eve kneels down beside her and tries to reassure a dying, depressed woman in her late 20’s that everything will be alright. She proceeds to shout at the idiot driver.

The problem with this situation is that Persephone cannot hear her or the driver for there is blood streaming out of her left ear like, well, a stream. The only body part that hasn’t failed her yet is her eyesight which has granted her the power to look at Eve for one last time.

She could feel new fallen snow in her fingertips, but they were losing feeling throughout. She knew what she had to do now.

Persephone coughed with the little strength she had left and muttered,

“Yes.”