My leg is itchy I want to itch it can I scratch it I can’t reach it maybe I should bite it but that’s not proper but oh it itches so bad I’m just going to bite it I hope no one is looking- oh look my brother is back! I love my brother he’s so kind and always wants to play with me- we both have a ball as our favorite toy; he plays basketball but I’m no good at it and neither of us can reach the hoop but that’s okay, he says. I love my brother we’re best of buds we used to play a lot but now he doesn’t play with me very much and that makes me sad and he says he’s busy with something called homework but I think we should play at home, not work! My brother likes to go places that I’m not allowed which makes me sad but today’s the day the first day of school and I get to go for the first time I’m so excited! He’s picking up his bag but I don’t have one yet but that’s okay, he says, I don’t need one yet. We are walking to school but going  so so slowly. I don’t want to walk so I run ahead and look back but my brother says to slow down so I do, regretfully, I don’t want him to be mad at me on our first day. I always look up to him I hate it when he’s mad the spit comes flying at my face. I hate the slow walk though, we are barely even moving forwards, I could have done a lap around the whole neighborhood and he would still be at the same spot, so I trot ahead and then do a little dance and smile at him, and he smiles back. I stop and put my nose right next to a big bug it’s shiny and black and really big, and I wonder where it’s going who and it wants to meet, why it’s all alone, where its friends are. I think he’s going to his family, but he should go faster then and go play with them! Wait, unless he’s- but then my brother pulls me along and says to keep walking, so I do. The building is huge I’ve never seen something so gigantic in my life but I’m not scared, no I’m not scared I’m excited yes I’m excited. I’m excited! Wow, there’s a lot of people! Big people, little people, really little people, and everyone looks so different and moving and excited and nervous- wow it smells so strange so many emotions all at once! We gotta go to class now, my brother says, but I just want to dance around everyone! Everyone is so nice smiling at me in that strange way and scrunching up their faces and my brother is so proud of me and people stop to say hello but my brother moves us along. Into a room, I hate rooms I much prefer the room with no walls and a green floor but we must go to the one with the fake sun instead. There’s a big person at the front of the room- is that mom? No, she smells different.

“Hi. This-s is-s Charlie-”

“Say ‘good morning ma’am,’ dear,” the big lady says.

“Oh, r-right, s-sorry, good morning ma’am. This is Cha-rlie and it’s-s his-s first day here and he’s-s r-really excited. Is-s it okay if he sits-s with me?” my brother asks.

I widen my eyes at the big lady and am proud of my brother for talking to her- I sure couldn’t have. Or maybe I could. I don’t know it depends on how she smells- some people smell like too much of that overwhelming choking smell that makes me sneeze but some people smell like my brother like dirt and shoes and that’s okay.

“Yes, Hugo, that is fine, just make sure that he stays under control, okay?” the large lady asks.

Wow, she has a loud voice, it makes me scrunch away from her. She definitely has the choking smell, so I quickly back away from her and nudge my brother in the other direction. He then nudges me back towards the lady, and I widen my eyes and tell him to stop, but we walk past her to a lot of my brother’s friends. Oh, I like them, they smell okay like dirt and grass and shoes. They are loud and fun and jump around and dance in place and wiggle their legs and toes, every part of them moves. They talk about dreams they had last night and James says that he was flying in a car, it was a huge car with Spiderman on the front, and then Spiderman came off of the car and he shook his hand and shot out webs and then James shot out webs and landed on buildings and saved people from dinosaurs.

Something screams at us, and I look up in alarm, but my brother puts his hand on my back and tells me it’s okay. The noise keeps going, reminding me of the loud sound that wakes my brother up each morning, and screams for forever. When it stops, suddenly my brother and his friends and all of the other kids are quiet and really straight like they can’t move their backs in a curve anymore, only in a line. I don’t like that, I like play and sound and smiles, as long as it’s not that terrible screaming sound again. I jump up and down, trying to get them to make good noises again, but my brother points his finger at me and tells me to be quiet, or the big lady will yell at us. I jump away from him and run around the class, smiling at everyone and they all smile back. Suddenly, my brother yanks me around my tummy and pulls me back to his desk, while everyone else giggles. I like that noise, it makes me happy, much happier than the loud screaming of the big lady. I turn to smile at my brother, but his face is all scrunched up, and he gets upset.

“Hugo, are you going to be able to control Charlie, or do we need to put him somewhere else?”

“He’ll be fine here, ma’am, s-sorry about that.”

He turns and glares at me, and I try to kiss him, but he pushes me away. Whoops, now he’s mad. Okay, I’ll try to be better, but it’s so hard to stay still. And the other kids are starting to move again too, squirming and wiggling their legs and moving their shoulders and arms back and forth, not letting the wooden things around them stop them from moving very much. And not everyone is quiet, either, I hear people talking and whispering about their days and where they’ve gone and who they’ve seen. After a minute I smile at my brother, and he cracks a little smile back, before shaking his head. I take that as a good sign, and smile when I go next to him and the big lady begins to speak. Or yell. She kinda sounds like the screaming noise a bit when she tries to get everyone quiet. But why doesn’t she like noise? A little noise and moving is the best, it keeps people awake and listening better than quiet. But that’s what she wants. I try to be still for a bit, not wanting my brother to get mad at me, but it takes so much concentration that I’m not listening to a word out of the lady’s mouth.

“Good morning, class. Today blah blah-,” is all I hear before I tune it out, and instead focus on a tiny little ant making its way across the desk.

“-as you have probably already noticed. Say hello, class.” Suddenly twenty three eyes

and bodies and heads moved towards me, and twenty three little mouths opened and screamed,

“Hello, Charlie!”

This made me quite excited, as I’ve never had so many people looking at me at once! I got up and ran to the front of the room, and they all looked and smiled and giggled at me again, and I got so excited that I accidentally peed right there in the front of the class! It was an accident, okay? Really, an accident! I’m almost potty trained, I just need a few reminders, as mom says, and accidents happen! But that just made everyone laugh more, which made me dance around, until an arm came around my tummy. I expected to turn and see my brother, but instead I was suffocated in the choking smell, and saw a big face next to me.

“Bad Charlie! Hugo, I’m afraid you are going to have to put him outside for a bit of a time-out” the big lady said.

But I hate it outside, it’s… wait, that’s actually kinda nice, I like that room with no walls better.

“S-sorry ma’am.”

Ooh, and I get to be with my brother! Even better! But now my leg is all wet, and it’s a little cold. Oh well. My brother came up and nudged me towards the door, while all the kids giggled and laughed, and I couldn’t help but look back at them and smile, and they laughed some more. I love that sound!

“Charlie! What the heck! You got me in trouble on the firs-st day! That’s not what mom and you and me agreed to!”

Oh no. I hate it when he yells. It isn’t much, but it makes me feel all squirmy on the inside, and not a good squirmy. I open my mouth to talk, but he interrupts.

“Not now, Charlie! I have to go back to class-s, but you have to s-stay out here until you learn to be potty trained!”

Hey! That was mean! Cruel! I’m already potty trained anyways! It’s just hard sometimes! Then he leaves me, and I have to sit out here for forever until someone gets me. I stare around at the big blue and the poky green and smile, before running in a circle and doing a little dance, which makes some little birds flutter away from the school’s window sills. I run to the top of the little mountain and roll down it, going faster and faster and I get floppier and dizzier, until I’m back at the door of the classroom again. It opens quickly, and it’s my brother; he looks better now, his face isn’t all scrunched up. We go inside, and I promise that I’ll be better, and I am, I really am! I try to sit when they say to sit and get up and dance around when they say to get up and dance around, well, whenever my brother tells me to, because I can’t listen to the big lady, all I hear is the screaming. I try not to move, but just like all the little kids, my box doesn’t close me in totally, my legs are still moving and my arms are still swaying. After kissing my brother a few times when he was supposed to be working and getting out of my box once or twice, I figured out that in this place all they want you to do is to be quiet, sit in your box, and bring you hand across a white thing until little squiggles magically appear. I thought that my brother was doing something way more fun, like playing with a ball or running and chasing other kids across the green floor, but I guess this place is all about its boxes and screaming. Oh well, I guess not every place is as fun as home. I just hate trying to be quiet and listen when all I want to do and all I can think about is the room with no walls and blue everywhere- in that place at least I’m allowed to pee where and when I want to! But I’ll try to be quiet and not squirm too much and make black and grey lines show up on the white thing, even though I don’t know how to do that magic.

But why should I?

Try to make black lines. Sit still and listen and “learn.” That’s not what I want to be doing!

My time would be a lot better if I did what I wanted to do. If I moved when I wanted to. If I was still when I wanted. If I could make lines appear, or make butterflies appear. If I could look at white, or look at green. If I could “learn,” or be free.

What would I do, if I could choose?

Well, not be here! I looked up at Hugo in excitement, wondering if he’d just come to the same thought that I had, but he shushed me and told me to be still and silent. Well, Hugo, that’s not my game plan anymore! I smiled at him once more before running around the room twice, and the screaming noise happened again, but this time it didn’t bother me, I joined in the screaming instead, and I ran between everyone’s legs and away from the big lady’s hand that was trying to grab me, and outside where I saw a bunny and chased after it, daring it to escape me. I don’t think we’re made to be and think in boxes, unable to move or speak or pee unless we are told we can. For what should a puppy want, except to be free?