I think back to the time I joined the army two months ago. It was two days after my eighteenth birthday, on October 25th, a week before the war started. I promised my family that I would make my country proud.
My thoughts are interrupted when everyone hushes for an announcement from the general. “I just got an order from the Central that we are going to Kuala Lumpur, in the central of Malaysia, to defend our territory. They just received news that the Japanese troops are planning an air assault in that area, which is an important base that we have always controlled. If we lose that base we lose this country,” His stern voice carried through the whole camp, “I want you, Ahmad, you, Ashraff, and you, Khalish, to each take fifty men and go first on helicopters to see the base’s conditions. And finally, I also want you, to do the same.”
I cannot believe what I see next. The general is pointing at me. A chance, I thought, a chance for me to prove myself. I do not know what the general saw in me, but I look around and see that I am the youngest men in charge. 
The men I am in charge of all glance at me mockingly. As I prepare for the journey and while I am checking with my fifty men, I find multiples of cigarette packs, bottles of wine, and other drugs. I pick them up for the men to see, not speaking but making it clear that I demand an answer. One of the bigger men, who always has a cigarette in his mouth, comes and stands close to me, close enough that I can feel his breath. “You think you’re better than us? You’re only eighteen. You don’t have any right to control us, who are older than you. What do you know about anything? You so young, you don’t understand any of the struggles we have. What do you think, that we just got so bored and stupid that we all started doing drugs and trying to kill ourselves?”
I do not glance away or back down, even though I know he is close to exploding. “I don’t care,” I reply fiercely, even though I do care. But I know that if I don’t act tough they will not submit to me as their leader. “I don’t care what your family problems are,” I continue, “What are you doing here, serving in the army, if you are planning on killing yourself? Have you ever thought about how that would benefit our country?”
My question raises a tense silence among the men that last for several minutes. I saw that my question has pierced their hearts. So I soften my gaze and tell them, “I know that what you’re going through is very hard right now, and I know that I don’t understand any of it. However, the war can be a way for you to forget about your problems and assist the people of Malaysia. If we win this war, then everyone’s lives will get better.”
The man that just confronted me still does not say anything, but slowly he goes and throws away his cigarette packet and wine bottles in the trash. Then he picks up his uniform and walks into his room. “I’ll be ready by tomorrow to go to Kuala Lumpur.”
One by one the other men also repeat the action. I smile to myself, and I know that I have just conquered an important part of their allegiance.
***********************
I am cleaning my weapons when a messenger comes to me running and out of breath. ¨They´re coming already,” he says while choking on his words.
“I can’t understand you. Speak more clearly,” I reply evenly to calm him down.
“The Japanese are here early,” he tries again, “They’re already within twenty kilometers of the base. We have to leave now.”
I calmly walk over to the men, “Now that you’re ready, go get your guns, and get in the helicopter now. We will win this battle for our country, for your future, and for everyone.”
The general in charge walks over and gazes at me for a long time. “You’re young,” he remarks, “But I see how all these older men obey you, and how calmly you handled the situation. Haziq, you’re quite surprising.”
I bow to him and walk away with a grim expression on my face, preparing for the far greater walls that I will have to smash during this time.