You left me with so many questions. Questions no one else could answer. I have never been more confused in my life. Whenever I feel like this I like being far away from everything and everyone “Drive me from here with all speed to where I may not hear a human” I tell my brothers. You left me to suffer, more like you left us to suffer. You only thought about yourself you’ve always only thought about yourself. You made so many mistakes, and you left without fixing a single one. There is so much pain left in this family and it just keeps on getting worse. People have been asking me “Why is your heart so set on this?” why is so set on knowing everything? I can’t explain how much the pain hurts it is worse than being stabbed in the back by someone you thought actually cared someone you thought you could trust. Your arms felt like home. Wherever we went and I felt lonely all I needed to do is go into your arms and close my eyes. When I closed my eyes I felt warm and there were butterflies in my stomach, but most importantly I felt safe i felt like nothing could ever hurt me as long as I was in your arms. I could never hate the person who brought me to this world and held me in her hands as I took my first breaths. You watched me take my first steps, you heard my first words, you held me in your arms as I cried for the first time. A mother like you there isn't many, but for that reason everything just seems so much worse. At this point I don’t know if I should sad angry. All I know is even through everything that happened I still love you. Oh and no worries one day  I’ll “find some strength.”