It hurts. This throbbing in my chest is so agonizingly painful. Why can't it just go away? It's his fault. My eyes wander over to the photo of us on my nightstand. He's causing you this pain. New tears begin to fall down my cheeks as I force myself to look away. He lied to you. When he said he cared about you, it was all a lie. I desperately try to quiet the voice in my head, but despite my attempts...I know it's true. I look back down at the razor blade resting in my hand. Do it. I twirl it around between my fingers and glance back at the picture. "Why?", I ask the image, as if he would ever be able to answer.
Flashback~
It's going to rain soon. I mentally tell myself as I look up at the darkening sky. "I better hurry up and get to Ivan's house." I quicken my pace and finally reach his home after a few minutes. My hand raps on the door and I smile when I hear someone approaching from the other side. My smile falters for a moment when I meet the eyes of said someone. "What do you want?" Natasha. "Hello to you too, Natasha.", I say as soon as I compose myself. What the hell is she doing here? She snarls and let's me inside unwillingly. I roll my eyes when I walk past her then turn around and ask where her brother is. She narrows her eyes and asks why I want to know. "Um. He's my friend and I want to see him...", I reply with a blush and look away. She huffs and turns around then heads towards his room. I follow behind while checking out the various paintings in the hallway, until I bump into her. "Sorry, I didn't see..." I stop in the middle of my sentence when I realize she isn't listening. Instead, she had her ear to Ivan's door and was listening intently to the conversation that I could barely make out. "Who's he talking to?", I ask in a whisper. She glances at me then responds, "Yao." I become curious as to why Yao was here, let alone in Ivan's room. It was widely known that he wasn't comfortable whenever the intimidating Russian was around. I stood beside Natasha and copied her actions, straining to hear what was going on. "Ivan, stop! It hurts too much, aru!" "Calm down. It will feel good soon." Natasha and I furrowed our brows and looked at each other before we heard them again. "There, it's in. It's nice now, da?" It felt as if my heart stopped as I backed away from the door some with my cheeks heated. Natasha looked furious and before I could stop her, she burst through the door with ease and we both froze at the sight before us. There was Ivan, shirtless, with pink dusted over his cheeks, and beside him was Yao, who's face was as red as a tomato. He was naked as well, with the exception of the covers in his lap. Natasha let out a mix of curses in Belarusian and English and kept yelling about how outraged she was. I just stood there. Numb. Staring at the man who I had loved at first sight, but now realized he didn't feel the same. When he finally noticed me behind his raging sister, his face flushed and he tried to say something. I didn't hear it though. I had taken off into the streets and ran through the now heavy downpour, with salty tears mixing with the rain on my face. It was a wonder how I even got home. My tears had blurred my vision the whole way and now I was forced to wipe them away so I could find my house key. Once inside, I slammed the door shut and dashed to my room. I fell on my bed and let the rest of my tears flow, sobs racking through my body at the same time. "Dammit! You bastard!" I yelled into my now soaked pillow. When the worst of my fit had passed and my breathing had slowed, I looked over at my nightstand. There, framed perfectly, was a photo of the both of us from the first time we went to the fair. His arms are wrapped around me, pulling me into one of his bone-crushing hugs, while I'm holding my first bag of cotton candy. We're both smiling brightly at the camera, and if you look closely, you can see a faint blush on my face. The image becomes fuzzy as my eyes begin to water once more and I bury my face into my arms. Forget about all of those happy moments with him. They're only going to make you more upset. Get rid of those pesky memories. I glance warily over to my bathroom and get up. I make my way over to it and open my medicine cabinet, where my eyes immediately fall on my target. A pack of razor blades. I open it and pull one out then head back into my room.
End Flashback~
"You were my closest friend. And I ended up falling for you.", I whisper. I grasp the blade firmly and hold it above my wrist. "But even though we were so close... I was too hopelessly in love to realize who you really liked." With one quick motion, I swiped the awaiting skin and hissed in pain. Blood dripped onto my leg and soon formed into a large puddle around my feet. I took the razor in my other hand and copied the action on my other wrist. As the red liquid continued to flow, I laid back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Darkness was approaching quickly and my eyelids were growing heavy. The last thing I heard was Ivan calling my name, before my whole world faded.