Chapter 2

The Beginning of My End
Okay, it all started way back when the Earth was still one. You know what I mean: Green Trees, Blue Skies, an absence of Hera’s monsters running ramped on the streets. I was reading in my chamber at the time actually, doing some Godly work. Zeus may have control over the sky you know but I would love to see him write a 35 million word essay on the biology of fungi. Trust me, it’s much more interesting than it seems. Anyhow, I was in my office studying the history of Olympus when a knock came to my door. Of course I didn’t answer it! I mean the nerve of some people. How dare they try to disturb me when my nose is in between a good book? The logical thing to do was to stay locked up and pretend I wasn’t home. To help me, I imagined myself at a Pizzeria. Oh I remember quite well how good the imaginary peperoni tasted on my tongue. I was just about to throw away the crust when all of a sudden; some moronic imbecile decides to throw away my door! In walks Aphrodite; goddess of beauty, with her nose lifted into the air and her hips swaying left to right. (Yes I was paying attention to her hips. I may be a god but I still have my own desires). Trying to play it cool, I pretended that the door was not just blasted off its hinges.
“THESEUS!” The goddess (Of love…oh the irony) bellowed. “Have you been sleeping all this time?”
I wanted to explain to the lovely goddess that I wasn’t sleeping but in actuality trying to better comprehend the history of Greece, that has deluded us for centuries but, like all the major gods, Aphrodite didn’t care for what a Minor god said.
“Get your butt in Olympus this instant! Don’t think that you can just skip the most important day of Mount Olympus!” With that she stomped out, her footprints very visible on my new wooden floors.
I sighed to myself. Each time she came in here I was baffled by the amount of repairs I had to do when she left. Do you understand how much Drachma it costs to repair a mahogany door lined with Imperial gold? Well trust me, it’s no spare change! No doubt she wanted me to record every minute of this “Great Event”. In my opinion, there’s no day greater than Theseus Day! Now, I know that there’s no such thing now but trust me. A time will come when Zeus falls and I shall take his throne. Then, there will be a day where kids of all ages can read and write. A wonderful dream wouldn’t you agree? I lifted myself off the chair and strode through my no door-less entrance.
Oh my…it would seem that I’ve run out of time for today. Thankfully, I figured out what species this fish is from so I’ll be surviving longer than I expected. (As long as he gets his supplementary toe nail clipping every now and again.) Unfortunately, he only lets me out once a day for around 2 hours. It’s not too bad since I’m no longer with the infernal Gods. Still, please come for me soon. I’m not sure how long this Behemoth will be satisfied with my nails.