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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
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LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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This article has 1986 comments.

KamakaziFrogs BRONZE said...
on Nov. 13 2009 at 4:08 pm
KamakaziFrogs BRONZE, Garland, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Meddle ye not in the affairs of dragons,<br /> for thou art crunchy and good with ketchup<br /> <br /> In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of<br /> people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.<br /> -Douglas Adams

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That was ingenious dude! I love the books and the movie (only a little less than the books). This was hilarious!
Skittlez PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 12 2009 at 12:28 pm
Skittlez PLATINUM, Whabawhahoo, Wyoming
22 articles 1 photo 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window:):)

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haha this was hilarious lol best 2 minutes of my life :P
RedEyes BRONZE said...
on Nov. 11 2009 at 1:50 pm
RedEyes BRONZE, Dell Rapids, South Dakota
3 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Oh, bubble trumps.&quot;

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aha i loved that!! kudos!!
Cadmium said...
on Nov. 11 2009 at 1:42 pm
Oh god this was amazing. I'm pondering on doing a video for it haha.
BeckoningLovely GOLD said...
on Nov. 11 2009 at 11:45 am
BeckoningLovely GOLD, Wilmington, Delaware
15 articles 1 photo 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I think our favorite quotes say more about us than the people we are quoting,&quot; John Green

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it's so nice to meet a guy who likes twilight! =]
Warren_Uzumaki DIAMOND said...
on Nov. 11 2009 at 10:23 am
Warren_Uzumaki DIAMOND, Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania
92 articles 28 photos 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
they say the mind bends and twists to deal with the horrors of life... <br /> ...some times the mind bends so much it snaps in two. <br /> <br /> Love at first sight wastes less time

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i like twilight (yes i'm a dude ) yet that was the funniest thing ive seen in a while NICE!!!!
Old Man River said...
on Nov. 11 2009 at 8:45 am
wow. that was the best two minute story i have ever read. can't wait to see future stories! twilight is never been so great!
Jenna_V BRONZE said...
on Nov. 10 2009 at 7:23 pm
Jenna_V BRONZE, Saginaw, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;There is neither good nor evil, only thinking makes it so.&quot; Shakespeare

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I throughly enjoyed this. I at one time enjoyed the Twilight saga (before the plague that is a fandom sucked the very life from my adoration) and I found this better than the original. I needed a good laugh today, many thanks.
BethPerez SILVER said...
on Nov. 10 2009 at 8:19 am
BethPerez SILVER, New City, New York
8 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I won&#039;t be labeled as average&quot; - Rachel Joy Scott

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This has to be one of the funniest and best parodies of Twilight I've read. Another good one is Duskiness. Check that one out. It's so funny.

Haha. I'm going to go check out you're other stuff now.
PoetOfNyx16 SILVER said...
on Nov. 9 2009 at 2:12 pm
PoetOfNyx16 SILVER, Port Angeles, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I dont know why I cut myself, god, give me a sign or help, I won&#039;t cry it&#039;ll be fine, I&#039;ll take my last breath, push it out my chest, &#039;till there&#039;s nothing left.&quot;

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dude, that is flipping halarious!! I may be a huge twilight fan but, you have me cracking up completley!!
Mackenzie Ellis BRONZE said...
on Nov. 7 2009 at 9:17 am
Mackenzie Ellis BRONZE, Rockbridge, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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Lucy, I had to show this to my Mom (we both like Twilight) and we agree that this is the shizzle. You rock. We love this. I hope that when the next fad comes along, you will be writing summaries of it as well, because this link is totally being posted on my facebook! XD
Keaira BRONZE said...
on Nov. 6 2009 at 6:41 pm
Keaira BRONZE, Edmond, Oklahoma
3 articles 1 photo 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
In a world of CooCoo Puffs, dare to be a Fruity Pebble.

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I love this. it's so funny yet so sad because it really does describe all four books.... In a really random weird way. :D I LOVE IT!!!!!!! YAY RANDOMNESS!!!!
Estar-Forte BRONZE said...
on Nov. 6 2009 at 12:57 pm
Estar-Forte BRONZE, A Little Dot On A Map, North Carolina
2 articles 5 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Happiness can meet you in forms of insanity, but at times you must look madly for it.&quot;

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Beyond Funny! Love it! Please do more!
coffeebean101 said...
on Nov. 6 2009 at 11:19 am
coffeebean101, Cave City, Kentucky
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I&#039;ve always been a freak. So I&#039;ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I&#039;m one of those people.<br /> -John Lennon

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haha I like Twilight, but that was awesome.

it made me laugh (:
Devan said...
on Nov. 5 2009 at 5:46 pm
Devan, Cumming, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Romans 5:8

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haha that was so funny! nice job :<)
123cos said...
on Nov. 5 2009 at 11:00 am
I love Twilight, but I have to admit that this is really funny!! I was literally laughing out loud! Good job! :)
yoyocasgirl said...
on Nov. 5 2009 at 10:54 am
i liked the michael jackson thriller idea and the dace off that is the main twilight saga and wow
americanteen97 SILVER said...
on Oct. 31 2009 at 10:54 am
americanteen97 SILVER, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 79 comments
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Hey, I love this and would like to maybe put this video on Youtube. I will credit you but I want your permission!
doolilly11 said...
on Oct. 30 2009 at 11:13 am
i liked this peice. i thought the dance off was really funny.
very_literary SILVER said...
on Oct. 28 2009 at 4:26 pm
very_literary SILVER, Ballwin, Missouri
7 articles 0 photos 46 comments
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I absolutely hate twilight and this was just absolutely hilarious to me with all of the short, shallow, simplistic comments which very much mirrors twilight. This really made me crack up, keep up the good (and funny xD) work!