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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
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LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

A_Jean PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 8:57 pm
A_Jean PLATINUM, Citrus Heights, California
40 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;we all carry these things inside that no one else can see. they hold us down like anchors and they drown us out at sea.&quot;<br /> &quot;i&#039;m trying to figure out which parts of my personality are mine and which ones I created to please you&quot;

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Omg that was hilarious!!
KalynXD SILVER said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 8:47 pm
KalynXD SILVER, Idaho Falls, Idaho
5 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only time being wrong is ever REALLY embarrassing, is if your wrong, but got in a fight trying to prove you were right - yours truly

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that was pretty much amazing.  i'm speachless. "my eggo is preggo" loved that! lol. totally awesome! and amazingly hillarious.
Kai17 GOLD said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 6:59 pm
Kai17 GOLD, Spokane, Washington
17 articles 5 photos 339 comments

Favorite Quote:
*beepbeep* <br /> &quot;Where to, Miss?&quot; <br /> &quot;To the stars.&quot;

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Awesomazing job! This is the best thing making fun of it ever. (That I've read. But still. Great job!)
Curly_Sue said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 6:46 pm
Curly_Sue, Sand Springs, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 75 comments
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this is one of the best examples of making fun of twilight i've ever seen. bravo!!
the101 said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 2:22 pm
this bbok is really goood even the movie well nock you of youe feet
JordyRaye15 BRONZE said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 1:43 pm
JordyRaye15 BRONZE, Buckhannon, West Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Live not by how many moments you breathe, but the moments that take your breath away.&quot;

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Haha, I do like Twilight, but this is amazing. I laughed for a few minutes! Very well done. Haha, I'd like to see you do more about other series.
AlyssOfWonderBread said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 9:17 am
This was wonderful, well done xD
bcart_17 said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 8:47 am
haha thats reallt funny.. i mite even tell  my school to do this for a school play haha
LakeTownGirl GOLD said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 8:42 am
LakeTownGirl GOLD, Lake Stevens, Washington
13 articles 17 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t cry because it&#039;s over. Smile because it happened.&quot; -Dr. Seuss

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Ya know....I loved the books, but the movies absolutely suck...

And surprisingly I really liked this. Haha. :D It's so true!

StarWorks said...
on Jan. 18 2011 at 8:21 am
StarWorks, A, Other
0 articles 0 photos 22 comments
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Ha ha ha! That was really funny! :)
carilloony GOLD said...
on Jan. 18 2011 at 7:45 am
carilloony GOLD, Sterling, Virginia
12 articles 2 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;To love another person is to see the face of God.&quot;

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I think it's funny how there are hardly any haters on here... But yeah, that was really funny! :)
HeadshotM SILVER said...
on Jan. 17 2011 at 9:44 pm
HeadshotM SILVER, Melbourne, New York
7 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your failure is my success

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If your Against Twilight: I'm for that!

Support: I am against it!

Tuesday said...
on Jan. 16 2011 at 10:38 pm
" Yeah, but that was anti-climactic." HAHA! This is funny, mostly because it's true.
Rainbowmadhatter said...
on Jan. 16 2011 at 6:47 pm
Rainbowmadhatter, Reno, Nevada
0 articles 0 photos 81 comments
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this is so amazing i shared it with many of my friends who told their friends bout it.

it was awsome

andu made fun of it...but it was super accurete.

LOL :p

NeVassa GOLD said...
on Jan. 16 2011 at 2:41 pm
NeVassa GOLD, Ft. Belvoir, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oh god I was a stupid twelve year old

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Haha, this is kinda negative, but really funny. That really is what happened, haha!
Mortie PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 15 2011 at 3:32 pm
Mortie PLATINUM, Oak Run, California
31 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats The Point?

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this was really funny, and it does basicly tell the story of the Twilight saga.
NCab94 PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 14 2011 at 2:46 pm
NCab94 PLATINUM, Lexington, Nebraska
32 articles 1 photo 9 comments
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Beautiful!...my life is now complete (uhh my friend said that...)
pinkypromise23 PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 14 2011 at 2:22 pm
pinkypromise23 PLATINUM, Cranston, Rhode Island
30 articles 0 photos 412 comments

Favorite Quote:
i know that you believe you understand what you think i said, but im not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i meant.

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bahaha. awesome.
iluvchocolate314 BRONZE said...
on Jan. 13 2011 at 4:13 pm
iluvchocolate314 BRONZE, Brighton, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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Finally, someone else who understands how lame it is! AMAZING!
ShelbyMarie93 PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 13 2011 at 2:56 pm
ShelbyMarie93 PLATINUM, Lexington, Nebraska
35 articles 1 photo 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When Death to either shall come -- I pray it be first to me.&quot; ~Robert Bridges<br /> or<br /> &quot;Life is not a jump; it&#039;s a headfirst dive.&quot;<br /> or<br /> &quot;Within you I lose myself; without you I find myself wanting to be lost again.&quot; <br /> <br /> ╔══╗<br /> ╚╗╔╝<br /> ╔╝(&macr;`v&acute;&macr;)<br /> ╚══`.&cedil;.Isaac H.

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You are my hero.