The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Hamlet: A Modern Day Adaptation
By AndersN GOLD
Park City, Utah
AndersN GOLD, Park City, Utah
10 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I saw an angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.&quot; -Michelangelo

View profile
Fiction
Trapped in an elivater, Tokio Hotel, Paramore, Green Day and a crazy fan
By GraceGallows PLATINUM
Plainville, Massachusetts
GraceGallows PLATINUM, Plainville, Massachusetts
41 articles 32 photos 13 comments
View profile
Fiction
Harvest Moon:The Begining!
By Amer-Nae PLATINUM
Maynard, Arkansas
Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

View profile
Fiction
This Burning Desire - Chapter One - Like Fire - Part 1
By DomClaudeFrollo GOLD
Greenville, North Carolina
DomClaudeFrollo GOLD, Greenville, North Carolina
10 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I can&#039;t help being a gorgeous fiend... it&#039;s just the card I drew.&quot; <br /> ~ Lestat

View profile
Fiction
i am tommy
By pookie69 BRONZE
North Tonawanda, New York
pookie69 BRONZE, North Tonawanda, New York
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
Hansel and Gretel (The Witch's Story)
By likestocleaveminotaurs BRONZE
Fort Pierce, Florida
likestocleaveminotaurs BRONZE, Fort Pierce, Florida
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Do a barrel roll!&quot;

View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

RosieB. GOLD said...
on Jul. 14 2011 at 1:24 am
RosieB. GOLD, Torrance, California
15 articles 3 photos 6 comments
View profile
This is just great! So funny and yet brutally honest. A once die hard twilight fan myself, I find this extremely amusing. Kudos!
angelwings14 GOLD said...
on Jul. 13 2011 at 11:01 pm
angelwings14 GOLD, Toledo, Ohio
18 articles 2 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&#039;Nothing to fear but fear itself&#039;<br /> &#039;stand up for what is right even if you&#039;re standing alone&#039;

View profile
I have to admit it was funny bt i wish u would have edit it better and make the story make more sense
topofmylungs BRONZE said...
on Jul. 13 2011 at 8:43 pm
topofmylungs BRONZE, Windham, Maine
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
For what it&#039;s worth: it&#039;s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There&#039;s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you&#039;re proud of. If you find that you&#039;re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

View profile
This is amazing. Can't even put this into words.
KatrinaCampbell GOLD said...
on Jul. 12 2011 at 5:23 pm
KatrinaCampbell GOLD, Aguadilla, Other
10 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
When God answers your prayers, you have faith in His abilities. When He doesn&#039;t, he has faith in YOUR abilities!

View profile
Looove ittt :D
kitkatt2136 said...
on Jul. 12 2011 at 12:53 pm
I <3 this!!!
redhairCat PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 11 2011 at 1:20 pm
redhairCat PLATINUM, Pebble Beach, California
47 articles 20 photos 411 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I can do anything!&quot;

View profile
sooooooooooo hilarious!
holagirl78 SILVER said...
on Jul. 10 2011 at 8:51 pm
holagirl78 SILVER, Downingtown, Pennsylvania
7 articles 1 photo 15 comments
View profile
LOL you should so do this with more book series! xD
YAY! said...
on Jul. 10 2011 at 12:18 pm
AMAZING
swiftstar10123 said...
on Jul. 9 2011 at 10:49 pm
BWAHAHAHAHA. I read the first three Twilights and hated them, (I myself am a Potterhead) and I think this is HYSTERICAL. You nailed it! 
dia.dreamer GOLD said...
on Jul. 9 2011 at 10:02 am
dia.dreamer GOLD, Kochi, Other
10 articles 0 photos 145 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I saw an angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.&quot; - Michelangelo<br /> &quot;I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am.&quot; - Sylvia Plath

View profile
GAWD THIS IS SOO HILARIOUS!!! I read this before but I think I forgot to post a comment...anyway, "my eggo is preggo" - HAHAHAHAHAHA
Girl_on_Fire BRONZE said...
on Jul. 8 2011 at 2:47 pm
Girl_on_Fire BRONZE, Cibolo, Texas
1 article 1 photo 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.&quot;<br /> - 1Nephi 3:7

View profile
I'm a Twilight fan and I think this is fantastically true!
poetrykid702 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 5 2011 at 6:25 pm
poetrykid702 BRONZE, Lumberton, North Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 5 comments
View profile
That was hilarious but so true
esnow824 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 5 2011 at 1:14 pm
esnow824 BRONZE, Burbank, California
4 articles 4 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Go fall down a hole.&quot;<br /> &quot;No! See, that&#039;s not nice. The nice way to do it is to say &#039;Go take a long walk off a short pier.&quot;<br /> &quot;GO TAKE A REALLLLLYYY LONG WALK OFF OF A TINYYY PIER!&quot;

View profile

LOVED THIS!

i had to play bella in a play and it was making fun of twilight so this reminded me a lot of it.

but seriously, this is great. 

Mahnooriable BRONZE said...
on Jul. 5 2011 at 3:32 am
Mahnooriable BRONZE, Lahore, Other
1 article 0 photos 2 comments
View profile
BRILLIANT! :D
NAWolfrom GOLD said...
on Jul. 1 2011 at 10:29 pm
NAWolfrom GOLD, Bel Air, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You have to take it as it happens, but you should try to make it happen the way you want to take it.&quot; -German Proverb

View profile
my god it was so funny! you have talent at that! I loved it!
foreverme143 SILVER said...
on Jun. 30 2011 at 4:42 pm
foreverme143 SILVER, Williamstown, New Jersey
6 articles 1 photo 6 comments
View profile
hahahahahahaha that was hilarious! ur 2 good 2 good.......
LovelyLady said...
on Jun. 30 2011 at 3:56 pm
Haha! That's funny
StarGazer453 SILVER said...
on Jun. 29 2011 at 2:56 pm
StarGazer453 SILVER, Somewhere In A State, Massachusetts
7 articles 3 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
A room without books is like a body without a soul. ~Cicero<br /> My best friend is someone who gives me a book I have not yet read. ~President Abraham Lincoln<br /> The one who smiles when things go wrong has thought if someone to blame it on. ~Robert Bloch

View profile
That was absolutely hysterical.  *applause*
ShyWriting42 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 28 2011 at 11:47 pm
ShyWriting42 BRONZE, Mesquite, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.&quot;

View profile
that was really funny:D
Gereldine5 SILVER said...
on Jun. 28 2011 at 11:17 pm
Gereldine5 SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
5 articles 9 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Save the Drama for Your Llama

View profile
this=epic win. Thank you, for saving the countless lives of people out there who would haveto be scared for life from reading the books. Legit Win! ;D