The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Love Is Scary
By xFallenAngelx BRONZE
Canoga Park, California
xFallenAngelx BRONZE, Canoga Park, California
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Vivir con el corazon abierto

View profile
Fiction
Trapped in an elivater, Tokio Hotel, Paramore, Green Day and a crazy fan
By GraceGallows PLATINUM
Plainville, Massachusetts
GraceGallows PLATINUM, Plainville, Massachusetts
41 articles 32 photos 13 comments
View profile
Fiction
Final Fantasy 7 Fan Fic Pure Hearts
By Anonymous
Fiction
Helena
By geekgrrl SILVER
Ellicott City, Maryland
geekgrrl SILVER, Ellicott City, Maryland
6 articles 0 photos 5 comments
View profile
Fiction
best friends
By kaylinanne BRONZE
Hb, California
kaylinanne BRONZE, Hb, California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
The Real End to the Cinderella Story
By Anonymous

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

selahoverrated GOLD said...
on Nov. 8 2011 at 8:28 am
selahoverrated GOLD, Mt Sidney, Virginia
11 articles 0 photos 43 comments
View profile
THIS IS HILARIOUS!!! it reminds me so much of the books, i thought they were good but reeeeeaaaaalllly cliche.... bella does act like that though if you think about it ...
Tonite BRONZE said...
on Nov. 5 2011 at 10:54 am
Tonite BRONZE, Toronto, Other
1 article 21 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I am just two and two. I am hot. I am cold.<br /> I&#039;m the parents of number that cannot be told.<br /> I&#039;m a gift beyond measure, a matter od course,<br /> And I&#039;m yielded with pleasure - when taken by force.&quot;------Julian

View profile
this is priceless...........LOL
Alpha-Lyrae GOLD said...
on Nov. 4 2011 at 8:24 pm
Alpha-Lyrae GOLD, Toronto, ON, Other
13 articles 3 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;ve loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.&quot; -Galileo Galilei<br /> &quot;In the Beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.&quot; -Douglas Adams

View profile
This is brilliant! Anyone seen the 'Alex Reads Twilight' videos on youtube? Seriously worth a watch if your a fan of this.
Victor_Hagar SILVER said...
on Nov. 3 2011 at 8:19 pm
Victor_Hagar SILVER, Dublin, Ohio
6 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It&#039;s always important to give your arguments impact.&quot; Fallout 3, Strength Bobble-head.

View profile
Very sarcastic. I enjoyed the read, thank you.
lenathetiger BRONZE said...
on Nov. 3 2011 at 8:15 am
lenathetiger BRONZE, Columbia, Maryland
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Many (people) were increasingly of the opinion that they&#039;d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.&quot;

View profile

"[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]"

HAHA!

Malloy213 said...
on Nov. 2 2011 at 2:06 pm
Malloy213, Meowmix, Iowa
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Try not to become a man of success but a man of value.<br /> ~Albert Einstein

View profile
Hilarious!
jazzerlover BRONZE said...
on Nov. 2 2011 at 11:15 am
jazzerlover BRONZE, Keeseville, New York
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Maxwell Smart: I think it&#039;s only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded by a highly trained team of 130 Black Op Snipers.<br /> Siegfried: I don&#039;t believe you. <br /> Maxwell Smart: Would you believe two dozen Delta Force Commandos? <br /> Siegfried: No. <br /> Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?

View profile
This is the funniest thing that i have ever read!!! LOL I LOVE IT!!!
IsobelFree DIAMOND said...
on Nov. 1 2011 at 6:49 pm
IsobelFree DIAMOND, Hamilton, Other
71 articles 20 photos 296 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;As long as there is open road, the familiar has the most formidable competitor.&quot; - Anonymous

View profile

I commented on this before. It's HILARIOUS and so accurate. I especially love the part with Jacob passionately shouting: "I am love with your CHILD!" Good stuf..

Anyways, I just wanted to say that my friend did a version of this...where she played all of the characters, separately. And I just wanted to think you indirectly for making me pee my pants with laughter.

Good times. Gooood times.

Me of Course!(Raven said...
on Nov. 1 2011 at 1:15 pm
Haha my favorite part is when EDWARD blinds everyone with his brightness and all he says is "oops"
Kimmie_Kat SILVER said...
on Oct. 31 2011 at 10:13 am
Kimmie_Kat SILVER, Orlando, Florida
5 articles 3 photos 14 comments
View profile
Man I wish Twilight was as simple as this, so we don't have to read through all those long books! I love this storie! Nice job! I love it how Edward just out of no where pulls a gun out just to kill Bella!
Rocinante SILVER said...
on Oct. 29 2011 at 7:32 am
Rocinante SILVER, Wexford, Pennsylvania
7 articles 1 photo 386 comments
View profile
Yes I agree with Smiler4life!!! Do more parodies!!! You're awesome at them :)
shadowfox1996 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 28 2011 at 8:09 pm
shadowfox1996 BRONZE, Farmington, Minnesota
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;talk softly but carry a big stick&quot; by Theodore Roosevelt

View profile
WOW!!! Awesome, lots of humor, but could of had ALICE in it!!!
Jessmic14 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 27 2011 at 6:57 pm
Jessmic14 BRONZE, Clearfield, Utah
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whatever doesn&#039;t kill me makes me stronger.

View profile
I LOVE IT!!!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!
Jane3 SILVER said...
on Oct. 27 2011 at 5:46 pm
Jane3 SILVER, Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;The capital-T truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over: this is water. This is water.&rdquo;

View profile
Lol I know!!! The books used to seem so wonderful, but now it's all blurr! That summed it up perfectly!
writereadlove GOLD said...
on Oct. 27 2011 at 3:55 pm
writereadlove GOLD, Brooklyn, New York
14 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you&#039;ll not be forgotten<br /> When you are old and rotten;<br /> Write something worth the reading,<br /> Or do something worth the writing.&quot;<br /> --Benjamin Franklin

View profile
LOL its okay :) but that seriously was a masterpiece
Smiler4Life GOLD said...
on Oct. 27 2011 at 2:37 pm
Smiler4Life GOLD, Richmond, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live.Laugh.Smile.&amp;Love

View profile
THIS IS REALLY GOOD! PLEASE DO MORE PARODIES(:
Jane3 SILVER said...
on Oct. 26 2011 at 9:10 pm
Jane3 SILVER, Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;The capital-T truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over: this is water. This is water.&rdquo;

View profile

Whoops acidently replied to you! Sorry!

 

Jane3 SILVER said...
on Oct. 26 2011 at 9:09 pm
Jane3 SILVER, Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;The capital-T truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over: this is water. This is water.&rdquo;

View profile
LOL!!! Literally I was laughing out loud! Isn't stephanie meyer the runner of this stuff?  Maybe I'm crazy...most likely but well done I'm cracking up! How do you get your work noticed? Mine always disappears! feel free to check it out: )
writereadlove GOLD said...
on Oct. 25 2011 at 4:52 pm
writereadlove GOLD, Brooklyn, New York
14 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you&#039;ll not be forgotten<br /> When you are old and rotten;<br /> Write something worth the reading,<br /> Or do something worth the writing.&quot;<br /> --Benjamin Franklin

View profile
You are my hero :D GREAT JOB! it was hilarious!
Sydney46 said...
on Oct. 24 2011 at 10:17 am
Omg this was amazing!!!!!! Love this cuz I hate twilight!