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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

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Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.
BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

View profile
Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.
BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

View profile
Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.
BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

View profile
Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.
BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:21 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

View profile
Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 29 2020 at 12:41 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2206 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity. <br /> ~Amoniel<br /> <br /> "Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'" <br /> ~Thesilentraven

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Still one of my favorite things XD
MrStealYoSasuke said...
on Nov. 23 2020 at 2:26 pm
MrStealYoSasuke, Otway, Ohio
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Favorite Quote:
"Pants are an illusion, and so is death." <br /> -Tho <br /> "Avatar: The Last Airbender"

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LMFAO ACCURATE PORTRAYAL
dinooo BRONZE said...
on Nov. 6 2020 at 8:13 am
dinooo BRONZE, Raleigh, North Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that glisters is not gold;<br /> Often have you heard that told.<br /> Many a man his life hath sold<br /> But my outside to behold.<br /> Gilded tombs do worms enfold.

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this is HILARIOUS!!!!! i was dying lol
WannaWrite20 said...
on Oct. 27 2020 at 12:53 pm
WannaWrite20, Kettle Falls, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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This is AMAZING
Vulture1102 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 25 2020 at 4:07 pm
Vulture1102 BRONZE, Arlington, Texas
1 article 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right-Henry Ford

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Yo, this made my day, and that’s a hard thing to do for me this year.
KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:27 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
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As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.
KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:27 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
View profile
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.
KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
View profile
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.
KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
View profile
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.
KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
View profile
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.
KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
View profile
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.
Chloë3808 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 23 2020 at 4:41 pm
Chloë3808 BRONZE, Devon, Other
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
When you are older, you'll regret the things you don't do in life more than the things that you did.

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this was.... amazing
Lynn_Grace said...
on May. 29 2020 at 5:46 pm
Lynn_Grace, Edmond, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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The most eloquent, complex thing I have ever read. A masterpiece!
The dance-off is just... A work of art. You have a way with words! Bravo.
Funny_Fangirl said...
on Apr. 13 2020 at 9:56 am
Funny_Fangirl, Festus, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
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LOL, now I don't have to read the actual series!
IsabelleMarieMartin SILVER said...
on Jan. 29 2020 at 3:25 pm
IsabelleMarieMartin SILVER, Oberlin, Louisiana
5 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&#039;It&#039;s never too late to be what you might have been&quot;. -George Elliot

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You are a very outstanding writer. You should work on scripts for movies or tv shows. Please check my work if you get a chance. I hope you like mine as much as i like yours.